Ice Roses
by Banana-viking
Summary: Elsanna (not sisters). "I don't believe that," the girl stated, utterly sure of herself, "I'm sure I can make you smile, somehow." And boy was she right. Depressed/Anna, Homeless/Elsa. Modern AU. M-rated for language, dark themes and adult content.
1. Smile

**Chapter 1 - Smile**

**A/N:** Update: I've been told this first chapter is a bit heavy and maybe boring, but was assured that the story gets better as it progresses, so if you have time, give it chance :)

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><p>I am so tired of this lifeless condition my body has stuck me in. This emotional numbness and the overruling feeling of not caring is making me tired. It's getting kinda old. What if this is life? If this is life, then I don't care – see my problem?<p>

Life annoys me. It's like people are just passing by without any notice of each other. They just assume by asking a single question, everything is fine. And then they feel good about themselves. That's the worst part. They get a feeling of satisfaction, for pretending they cared for a second.

I am tired of this conscious lock-down my body has put me in. Like I don't have access to my mind or emotions. Like I'm never going to be able to feel love. Only pain. Most likely psychical pain. I haven't come to the part of the story where I've started cutting myself. It's too cliché. Plus, people don't care anyway. So why bother with the scars? Some people just have them for attention anyway.

Everybody wants attention. You can't deny it; you want it too. Hey, no shame in that! It feels good. I can't get enough of it; it's like a drug to me. It could be any drug, since I've never taken drugs before. Unless you count alcohol and cigarettes of course. However, getting high on attention is nothing like being drunk, or getting nicotine high. In fact, I don't like being drunk. I hate that insane loss of control. I just feel even more trapped inside my body, even though it's nice to get out of my head once in a while.

I simply don't get the people who seek to those kinds of senseless methods. It's not like I choose to be emotionally numb. This body won't let me _in_, if you get what I mean. Its weird talking about your own body as if it was some kind of stranger. It has a life of its own. And its like it has closed off every part of my brain.

The part that controls concentration.

The part that controls mood.

Even the part that controls memory. All out of range, like a shelf I can't reach.

I love my body, don't get me wrong. I mean, where would I be without it, right? I like my looks, to some extent, it's not that. I'm afraid it's all going on inside my head.

But I love my body.

In fact I love it too much to plunder it scars all over my wrists, and poison it with alcohol every weekend. I quit cigarettes after about a week. Luckily I never got addicted. I couldn't stand the fact that my lungs were turning all black inside of me. Plus, if I _wanted _to kill myself, I would do it fast and painless. Not sacrifice small portions of my life for every cigarette. I am a lot of things, but I'm not a wuss.

Don't worry, this is not a story about a girl being in a bad place, where some wonder-boy with big hazel brown eyes swoops in and makes her feel all better. It's not one of those stories. This is just a story about a girl being in a bad place. You can stop reading now if you want, because you will probably not find this much interesting. I mean, who would? Who cares?

Anyhow, in my mind the world is a horrible place without any positive outlook. You spend all your childhood being worried. Worried about every single little damn thing.

And then when you grow older, you actually find out that the world _is _a horrible place, filled with war, hunger, selfish politicians, money, money, money, money, money... sorry lost track there. And then, you just stand there. And there is nothing you can do about it. You're just part of their system, like a number on a bingo ball. A world where money has more value than a human life – and before you correct me, its true! Think about it. Just think. Think for one second, and you will see it.

And here you are, stuck in school, or whatever. Just wanting – no, _craving_ – to drop everything and _do_ something. _Anything_. Instead of just being stuck in their system. Like a piece in their puzzle. But you can't. Because if you lose a piece in a puzzle, you start looking for it. Or else you can't complete the picture. And in a few years, when you find that missing puzzle piece under the couch, or wherever, you start over, and complete the picture.

This is why I have this infinite pressure to live up to certain standards. And worst of all, these are my own standards. But I wasn't born with these standards now, was I? So therefore I blame society. I blame society to have forced these crazy ideas into my head. Ideas, that I can become _anything_.

Its too vivid of a statement. _Anything. _What is anything? Anything is everything, and everything is anything. I don't want to be everything – or anything for that matter. I just want _something_. Something is a good word. It indicates an uncertain amount, which can either be infinite or limited. I wish I could be infinite. But I can't wrap my head around it, so I stick with limited.

My point is that this world has too many options. This is where the standards and expectations comes in again.

My parents never had many expectations for me, because I always tried as hard as I could. Hell, I even started my own college fond when I was thirteen. They kept saying the ideal parent-phrase: "We just want you to be happy." Well, great, easier said than done.

Now, this is where the self-loathing enters the picture. I'm sorry about that. I wish I could say 'Now, this is where the self-loathing exit's the picture' but I am afraid that is not the case. You might think: "Why should I feel sorry for some first-world white girl having an identity crisis" – and you shouldn't!

Actually, please do not feel sorry for me. That would make me feel even worse about myself. I don't like to come off as the sensitive girl, so I'm only going to say this once, but I feel like I'm stealing the spotlight for those whose life is actually tough. My life isn't tough, never has been.

But there are people who have serious problems, children who don't get help, those are the ones you should feel sorry for. No, you shouldn't feel sorry for them; you should get off your lazy butt and go help them. So, before you keep reading, promise me you won't feel sorry for me. I am simply telling you a story.

Why I am telling it? Maybe someone out there can relate, and maybe not feel so alone. Perchance I'm just telling it to make myself feel better. Maybe it has something to do with the person I am going to tell you about. I think that's why I am telling.

So yeah, I am the girl who pretty much has everything. Well, not a boyfriend. Only semi-popular. No extremely close friends anymore sadly. But I got a roof over my head, all the books I could dream of reading, a warm bed to sleep in at night, and food on the table every night.

There are some perks of being this way. You see, I don't get nervous. It simply doesn't matter. Nothing matters enough in my mind, to make my body psychically nervous. But that all changed.

It all started that one day where you least expect it. It wasn't snowing that day, but it was certainly cold. I was walking to my car from the clinic. That's when I saw her. I know, I know, I said this wasn't one for those stories. But I said nothing about a girl did I now?

Now I wish I could tell you that 'that day changed everything' and all that cliché romantic bullshit, but surely, that wasn't the case. It was normal day like any other. But this is where it all began, so I thought I'd mention it.

I was walking on the sidewalk, thinking about nothing in particular, when I looked across the street. She sat by the corner of the ally next to _Tiana's Café_. If you haven't been to Tiana's you oughta, the flapjacks are to die for – not literally, don't worry.

I didn't know her name back then, and I wasn't particularly interested at that moment either to be honest. But I would be lying if I said I wasn't the least bit curious. I mean, of course I couldn't help but wonder what name followed by such fair-skinned girl with platinum blonde hair. Her eyes were almost as icy blue as the ice-block in front of her.

She was just sitting there, cutting her ice sculptures. Don't ask me where she got so clean ice from. I figured she must've gotten it from the lake just outside of town. What she did to earn money in the summer, don't ask me about that either. Nonetheless, she sat by that freezing street corner every day, with a paper cup in front of her while she was cutting her ice roses.

It was disgusting to see people throw in pennies, I mean, you are donating money to a homeless, not mocking them by emptying out your dusty old pockets. You might as well just plaster a sign to your forehead saying "screw the homeless." At least just buy one of her ice roses.

She cut with such precision it was almost scary. It wasn't that I'd never seen the girl before, but it wasn't until that day I really _saw_ her, you know?

Maybe it had something to do with me being a klutz and knocking over her cup of taunting pennies as I walked past.

"Ah, shit," I mumbled awkwardly.

I squatted to pick up the change that was now scattered all over the sidewalk. The girl didn't say anything, but let go of the chisel in her one hand, but didn't let go of the hammer. The girl had raised her free hand to cover mouth, suppressing a smile, or a giggle, I don't know. I was on my knees, and my jeans were getting soaked from yesterday's snow.

"Sorry about that," I mumbled as I put the cup back upright with all the coins in it.

"It's no trouble really," the blonde said, smiling gently at me. Her hands were covered by grey gloves, but the fingers were cut off, giving the girl better mobility to work. As I was about to leave, she picked up one of her freshly carved roses, and handed it to me.

"Here, it's on the house."

I stood for a moment, debating whether I should retrieve my hands from my pockets and actually accept the damn thing. Finally, I reached out my palm, figuring it would be rude to leave her hanging like that.

The ice felt cold against my skin, and for a moment, I admired the neatly carved rose in the center of my palm. It was hard for me to gather how it was possible to make something so beautiful out of something so powerful, cold and dangerous. I mean, I couldn't even cut a tomato in equally thick slices, not without cutting myself at least.

"Do you make anything else?" I asked without thinking much about it.

"Yes, but I enjoy these the most," she smiled.

"Why?"

She thought long and hard on that one, while she picked one of her roses up and studied it.

"It's a metaphor," she stated, her eyes not leaving the rose in her hand.

"Whoa, easy there John Green," I said, doing my best on a teasing smile. I wouldn't say I succeeded, but it was worth a shot. The girl in front of me seemed to get it though, and she even chuckled.

"I'm serious. You see, ice is only temporary. It will melt. And these," she gestured to her roses, "they bring joy. I don't know, I think it's a friendly reminder that joy is only temporary. You can't be happy all the time. Or else there wouldn't be anything special about it. The same with my roses, if you could keep them forever, they wouldn't be special."

And sure enough, the ice rose she had just handed me had started to melt in my hand. It's beauty slowly floating away.

"Then… at least let me pay for my temporary joy," I stated, and pulled five bucks out of my pocket to put in her cup. It looked much better now, the cup. It honestly deserved better than those damn pennies.

"Well, that's the thing," the girl said, fishing up my five dollars, and handed them back to me, "joy can't be bought. It's an individual perception really. I might find joy in some things that you don't… but honestly, I just wanted to see you smile."

Her smile was genuine. And wow, was it refreshing to see. For a moment, she actually made me question my thought about no one caring. But, who was I kidding? She was a complete stranger, why should she care? And about me, of all people?

"Well, like you said. Some things can't be bought. Not even with a handful of joy," my voice was firm, revealing the sad truth.

"I don't believe that," the girl stated, utterly sure of herself. "I'm sure I can make you smile, somehow."

And boy was she right. But more on that later. At the time I simply thanked her for the rose, and left.

And there you have it. That's where it all started.

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><p><strong>AN:** I've been toying with this idea for a while now. Honestly, I needed to get it out of my head, so here is the first chapter. What do you think, should I continue? I've written a couple of chapters already.

I'll just make some things clear now that I have you. This story will not contain violence or any form of sexual abuse. But the story _is_ going to deal with some heavy issues, and is therefore M-rated for that reason, so don't be surprised if it gets a little depressing. Additionally, I fear that some of Anna's thoughts may seem offensive? Just to clarify, that is not my intention, but that's how she is written.

I promise a happy ending, if there's shown interest in the story.

Don't worry, Arendelle Airlines is not abandoned, and will continue as it always has.

Stay awesome

- Banana-viking


	2. Snowball

**Chapter 2 - Snowball**

I kicked the snow off of my shoes before entering the house. My mom had lit the fireplace and it was toasty warm as I walked through the door.

The ice rose had completely melted before I made it home. It was nothing but a tiny pool of water on the passenger seat in my car now. The sun had peaked its head out and doomed the tiny icy joy on the seat next to me. I guess the girl was right because I didn't feel very joyful or happy as I entered the door.

My mom was all over me as usual, while my dad was sitting in his chair in the living room, reading the daily newspaper.

"Anna, sweetie, how did it go? Are you making any progress? What did Dr. Hudson say?" My mother's voice called, as she exited the kitchen to greet me. She was wearing her usual pink apron over her purple dress.

"It went fine, and I really don't want to talk about it."

"But do you feel like you're making progress?" She asked hopefully. I could see the spark of hope in her eyes, she was radiating with it. I hated disappointing her.

I sighed heavily. I knew she was only trying to help, she really was. But this was the exact opposite of helping. This was yet another type of pressure. Pressuring me into getting better. And by the looks of it, I couldn't tell whether I was getting better or worse.

"Gee, I don't know Mom, it sure is difficult to tell after _three _visits," I snapped.

_Don't do that to her Anna, she's just worried. You know that._

"He didn't suggest the meds again, did he?"

I nodded in response. As the matter of fact, he had. I still didn't understand the urge many psychiatrists had to proscribe their patients with anti-depressants. After all, it was only my _third_ session. How could he tell yet that meds were the most suitable treatment for me? It wasn't a secret that I didn't want to take medication. It didn't feel severe enough for that. Not yet at least.

I also had this strong-standing idea that everything that came naturally, should disappear naturally as well. I often avoided aspirin for headaches – I just really felt like my body should handle it.

"Maybe, it wouldn't be such a bad idea…,"my mother uttered under her breath.

"Mom!"

"I know, I know, you have that whole thing with the body should be able to take care of itself. But, I mean, since the doctor is recommending it. After all, you did get all those painkillers when you broke your arm and had to get stiches…"

"Yeah, but that didn't exactly affect the mind…" I grumbled.

"You were high as a kite honey," she said and brushed my bangs away to kiss my forehead, "just consider it."

I sighed again. It seemed like that was all I did around my mom lately. My dad? Not so much. A simple nod and a 'yes sir' would do.

"How's practice going Anna?" My father asked deeply engrossed in his newspaper.

_Speaking of the devil._

"It's going…" I mumbled.

"You're still going to practice, right?" He eyed me warily over his newspaper.

"Yes sir," _ah there it is._

He grumbled and returned to his paper, licking his fingers to turn the pages.

My dad was referring to my handball practices. Ten years of the sport and you would think I was done, right? Quite on the contrary. Since I was accepted to Arendelle University last fall on a handball scholarship, my dad made sure I had evening practices with a private coach. Not that you could practice handball without a team really, let's just say it was more cardio and drills.

College didn't last long though. I lost all motivation to learn, and quickly buckled under from the pressure. The school still wanted me on the handball team however, so they suggested that I just took 'some time off', but still participated in the practices at least three times a week.

They offered the school shrink to help me out with my 'current situation' but my parents felt more comfortable with a more experienced physiatrist. One they knew on a personal level. Dr. Hudson was one of my mother's old friends, and she had contacted him straight away when she got the call from my school about my 'academic blockage and emotional instability.' Heck, I don't even know where they got all that nonsense from, for all I knew, the professors barely knew my name. Perhaps it was my lack of attendance and missing papers, I don't know.

Dr. Hudson had agreed upon the evening practices, and thought they could perhaps help me with emotional outlet. But after ten years, I knew it didn't help. It didn't help one bit. I think it maybe even made it worse.

After another awkward family dinner, where my mother tried to spike up a conversation, and my father just grunted in reply, I went to my room. Dorms never really appealed much to me, and since we were living so close to campus, I really didn't see the need. My mother had tried pushing it, as she did with pretty much everything, but I said I'd prefer to stay at home.

I didn't do much really. Netflix was my only friend lately, except for maybe Sven, my old high school buddy. Him and then Tiana who had the café. Well, she did exactly own the café per sae, her father owned it but named it after her.

Tiana was a great girl, a couple of years older than I was. She sometimes functioned more like the older sister I never had than a friend I guess. Somehow, she understood better than most others. Not quite, but she was the closest to anyone understanding, I had.

Sven was my pal who would drag me out at night to go to clubs and drink myself senseless – not that my body hadn't taken care of the numbness for me already. He was the type of person who was just _there. _We didn't say much when we were together, or talk about things on a deeper level. But he was just there. And it was nice.

When I finally smashed my head down on my pillow that night, all sorts of thoughts came crushing down on me.

I had all these thoughts. Uncontrollable thoughts that would slip into my head before I could stop them. Often times, thoughts that shouldn't even be thought, that's how bad some of my them were.

I am going to tell you about all the bad stuff I think about. I trust you – that you won't judge. Of course I don't fully believe that, everybody judges. Even unintentionally. Thoughts jump into your head even when you don't want them to. Have you ever tried telling yourself not to think of something, but then all you can think of is that 'something.' Crazy isn't it? Don't think about a blue elephant. I'm pretty sure there's a detailed image of large blue animal with a trunk in your mind at this very moment. Anyway, I won't judge you for judging me, now that I am telling you all the horrible stuff that I think about.

Sometimes I would think about being diagnosed with a fatal illness, just to see how people would react. How my parents would stand by my bedside, holding my lifeless hand, and how they would cry themselves to sleep at night. How my friends would come visit me, all teary eyed, and I would be the strong one. Because rule number one, never let your façade fade.

Sometimes I would imagine myself disappearing completely. Leave town with no word, no note, no anything. Sometimes I would imagine myself in a car crash. I wouldn't die, but be severely injured. That way I could avoid every responsibility I had. I had a valid excuse not to attend school, not to see friends, and to be sad.

The one that gets me the most was where I start imagining myself kissing the girl sitting by the alley corner by Tiana's Café. Somehow, I just wanted to take her into my arms and free her from the life that she seem to have accepted. Not that I thought she needed rescuing. Perhaps she would actually be the one rescuing me.

But I guess it worked both ways in the end.

I couldn't even find peace in sleeping because I would often wake up completely sweaty and gross from overheating. It was literally as if my body was trying to burn me from the inside out. It wouldn't be because of bad dreams, or maybe it would, but I couldn't remember them anyways.

My body would just keep screaming at me that something was wrong, but it wouldn't tell me what. Instead it just dragged me through night and day in agonizing numbness.

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><p>I was relieved when I woke up that morning. Actually, I wouldn't call it relief, it was more like going from one type of torture to another.<p>

I pulled on my shorts and Adidas hoodie, and slung my duffle bag over my shoulder. I tied my red hair into a messy ponytail.

"Anna pull some sweats over those shorts, it's freezing outside!" I heard my mom nag as I was about to exit the door. I breathed heavily, dragging my feet back to my room, and pulled on some grey sweats.

"Ah ah! Breakfast first young lady!"

_For Christ sake, I'm twenty years old, I'm a freaking grown-up. If I wanted to eat shark-stew or nothing at all for breakfast, I could! _

Yet, here my mother was, bending her finger in a 'come hither' motion, before practically chocking me with oatmeal and fruit salad.

I left with a lazy wave over my left shoulder. My mom was cleaning the dishes as she shouted, "have a nice practice honey! Drive safe, love you!"

I sighed for what seemed like the thousandth time that day already, and headed for my car. It wasn't because I didn't want to say 'I love you' back, I just couldn't. Because I didn't feel it.

Have you ever tried texting while you were in a bad mood, and just not been able to jot down any smileys, because you just weren't feeling it? Like they didn't represent your exact emotions at that point, and just looking at their ridiculously cheery faces made you even more angry or upset? Well, that's how I was feeling all the time.

Practice was uneventful. At least my focus and hand-eye coordination was still somewhat intact. But only enough for my coach not to get mad and start yelling at me. The other girls would stay and talk after practice, something I surely wasn't in the mood for.

Instead, I walked to my car, passing Tiana's Café as always, and the street corner by the alley. The girl was sitting there as usual, cutting her ice. She looked lost in thought, utterly focused as she cared for the tiny ice flower in front of her. With a heavy huff of air, she blew some excess ice off of the mini sculpture.

I passed her silently, this time avoiding knocking over her jar of pennies. My hands were buried deep in the pockets of my jacket. A sudden blow to my back nearly had me tip over. The snowball broke into a million tiny snowflakes as it hit my back. I might still have my hand-eye coordination, but Anna Lykke and ice? That was definitely a no-go.

I turned around to find the girl covering her mouth from laughter, making it obvious it was she who had thrown the snowball. The smile on her face made the vague dimples in her cheeks go deep, while her thin hand was covering up her perfect white teeth.

"What? Not even a _little_ smile?" She asked, removing her pale hand from her face, and biting down on her lip. My front was facing her now, and I merely shrugged at her comment. Why was she so obsessed with making me smile? She still won't give me a straight answer to this day.

"Guess this requires harsher methods, I might need some assistance," she teased. We just looked at each other for a second, taking one another in. Then she got up, and walked towards me. Her clothes were ragged, and I wondered how on earth the girl was able to keep herself warm. She was wearing a dark grey cloak-like-jacket…thingy. Her dark clothing contrasted her pale milky white skin and made it stand out even stronger.

"Here," she reached out for my hand, but hesitated. Did she not want to touch me? Did she think I wouldn't want to touch her? Instead, I brought my hand to her, stretching out my palm. Carefully, she placed an ice snowflake in the palm of my hand. It was so neat and detailed I could barely muster the fact that it was melting already.

"Maybe a rose wasn't exactly for you. Perhaps you find more joy in snowflakes," she tugged some hair behind her ear. Icy blue eyes met mine, and I still couldn't wrap my mind around why she was being so nice to me. She couldn't have been more than a year, maybe two, older than me.

I realized that now was probably the time to say something.

"Why are you trying so hard to make me smile?" – _okay, maybe that wasn't the best way to start the conversation. A simple thank would have done. Nice going Anna_.

The older girl didn't seem to mind though. As she looked towards her work of art, currently melting in my palm, the corner of her lip curved upwards.

"Because I think you would look so much prettier than you already do if you smiled," she stated as if it was some world-wide known fact that Anna Lykke would immediately go from a mediocre small-town average-looking girl, to a super model in the matter of seconds if she plastered a smile across that dull face of hers.

Needless to say, I didn't blush. Any other normal person who were told they would look _even prettier_ by an absolutely stunning girl probably would have. But like I said, nothing mattered enough to care really. But being born under the star of awkwardness, I managed to make a grimace I thought would at least look somewhat like a smile. A fake one at least. But boy was I wrong. The girl had to shoot her hand up to cover her mouth from laughing.

"Keep trying, I know it's in there somewhere," the older girl giggled.

_I highly doubt that._

Then she stepped forward, brushing the remaining the snow from the snowball off of her hand. Now, she didn't put her hand forward, which surprised me.

"I'm Elsa," she stated, though her hands remained by her sides. Her name surely was something else, and the times that I had wondered about what such a girl would go by were over.

I noted that it was the second time she avoided my touch. _Does she think I would be repulsed by touching her?_ She wasn't dirty or anything, though her clothes were probably not the cleanest.

"Anna Lykke," I said, keeping my hands to myself as well. It wasn't because I didn't want to touch her. Maybe it was just because I didn't want her to touch me.

"Well, Anna, it's nice to meet you. I hope you enjoy the snowflake," Elsa cooed, and I could clearly see that she meant it.

"I'll try," and for the first time in a long time, I let the corner of my lips tug upwards, just by the slightest. It would be an overstatement to say it could be classified as a smile. But I guess it was a step in that direction.

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><p><strong>AN:** Wow, thanks for all the positive feedback! I'll continue the story :)

I'm sorry if the first couple of chapters are lacking a bit of Elsanna. I assure you that from chapter four the story will contain more.

Stay awesome you guys!


	3. Shower Curtain

**Chapter 3 – Shower Curtain**

I was sitting in my car, trying to get my hands warmed up by breathing hot breathes of air into my fists. It didn't help much really, actually, it just made my hand damp from the hot and cold clashing, and the moisture felt gross in my palms. I had had an absolutely horrible morning, and was still trying to calm down after my session with Dr. Hudson. He was determined to talk about an incident that had occurred a few days ago.

I had gone shopping the other day, I needed some new knee protectors. I fell over a new shower curtain. It was very pretty, with a raw design of an urban city sketched all over it. So I replaced it with the old one.

But, it wasn't as good as the old one.

I really liked the old one.

It was way more colourful. That got me depressed. I'd bought the wrong shower curtain! I started feeling all weird, neither mentally nor physically. More like, _spiritually. _At one point it felt like was going to throw up, and then I felt like crying. I did neither, but the feelings – or lack of – kept pushing from the inside out. They wanted out.

So I curled up into a ball, and sunk to the floor. My body started twitching, and I tightened the grip around myself. Then the shaking started, from exhaustion. My stomach started tensing and flexing off commando. It was like spasms, and it hurt.

It physically hurt.

Like a small electrical circuit, being turned on and off, and on and off, and on and off… Sweat leaped from my forehead and down on the warm bathroom tiles. The more I looked at the shower curtain the more insane my body went.

A low snake-like sound escaped from somewhere. Like a faint hissing. Soon realized it came from myself – I was whispering. I don't know what I said, I'm sure it was just a lot of nonsense. I do that when I relive embarrassing situations of my life. Sometimes, when I walk on the streets I realize too late that I am whispering to myself about an awkward situation I wish I could forget.

Anyhow, Dr. Hudson didn't seem to want to leave it alone.

"So, how did you feel at that moment? Has anything happened recently that could have caused such severe reaction?"

That got me thinking. And the answer was no. Nothing seemed to have triggered it. And maybe that was the problem.

I simply shook my head. Dr. Hudson sat for a moment, scribbling down something in his notebook.

"Anna, I can't help but feel like your body has bottled up so many emotions and these outlets are a cause of that. Are you still attending your handball practices? I'm sure they would help relieve some of this stress you're feeling."

"I _am_ going to my practices…" I mumbled angrily. Everyone kept pushing the handball thing. I knew my father didn't care whether it was good for my emotional outlets or not. He wanted me to keep my scholarship, and be successful. That's what he wanted.

"But, its just….." the words didn't seem to want to leave my mouth.

Partly because I wasn't sure whether my mother and Dr. Hudson discussed our sessions. I knew Dr. Hudson had promised these conversations were confidential, but I couldn't help but shake the feeling of not trusting the man currently in front of me. And yet… here I was, for once willing to share something. So for once I allowed it.

"It's just what Anna?" He asked gently, his eyes lighting up a bit by seeing an actual will to participate in the conversation for once.

"It's just… I don't like handball anymore."

Dr. Hudson nodded.

"Tell me more," he stated simply, welcoming me to pour my heart out.

"By now, it just seems more like a duty rather than something I enjoy. Every time I have a practice, I feel… trapped. Just the thought of it stresses me out. I've got this… hole in my stomach. Usually, its empty. But when my father just mentions handball, it gets filled with… stuff."

"Stuff?"

"Like, nervous stuff. Bad stuff."

"I see," the doctor said, and I wasn't sure if he bit notice on the 'usually empty' part. He didn't.

The rest of the session Dr. Hudson asked me a lot of questions, mostly about my parents. There wasn't much to tell really. I didn't know if they still loved each other, but so far no mention of divorce. My mother was overprotective, whereas my dad was the kind of person that was difficult to please. My mother was happy as long as I just got home safe, and didn't break a limb on the slippery ice on the way.

Usually, talking to Dr. Hudson resulted in some sort of relief. It wouldn't last long, maybe half a day, or two. This was why it caught me by surprise when I broke down on my way home.

Tears had blurred my vision, and I had to pull over to, well, avoid crashing into my certain death. My mom wouldn't be very happy about that. I steered off the road and pulled over. I don't know what had set me off. Probably the intense therapy session, or just thinking about my miserable life that really wasn't all that miserable. I felt like I was drowning, and that I was turning into… nothing. And then that god-awful song came on, and it was just all too much.

It went something like,

_I'm slowly drifting away_

And the words just hit spot-on, and that's when the blabbering began.

_Wave after wave, wave after wave_

_I'm slowly drifting, drifting away_

_And it feels like I'm drowning_

And God how those words went straight into my lifeless heart.

_Pulling against the stream, pulling against the stream_

It was at least nice to know I was still capable of crying. The sobs came down hard though; they were relentless. It just added to the feeling of hopelessness. It hurt too much to hold them back. I guess you could say it was a sort of surrender.

The anger then rolled over, and I started beating the wheel with all the strength I could muster. I might have slammed down hard on the horn once or twice, causing a few heads to turn as cars drove by. It didn't matter though. They didn't care enough to stop and help anyway.

Screaming didn't help either, it just made me think I was even more pathetic. All these goddamn feelings, that wasn't even really there, and all these goddamn people and their happiness and their way of life. They all just seemed to have everything planned. It was all there right in front of them.

Even Tiana, who'd known she wanted to become a chef since before she was even able to hold a damn mixer. Or Sven who was completely fine with settling down as a receptionist while working towards his law degree. Even my damn mother who was pretty much just a housewife seemed contempt with it all.

And here I was, slowly losing the will to do anything at all. The only thing that seemed remotely appealing was to bury myself under the covers of my warm bed. My bed, the only thing (person?) who understood, and didn't judge.

So when I drove off, after having drained my tear ducts, I drove off with a sense of failure and emptiness. Emptiness that stood even stronger than before I had left the house that morning.

Why did this perfect girl, with this perfect life, feel so incomplete? That's the question I asked myself every night.

* * *

><p>Today my Aunt Susan, whom I love, came to visit.<p>

She wasn't like my mother at all. Aunt Susan was younger than my mom, still unmarried, and pretty much lived off of her travel blog. I guess you could say my aunt was the perfect example of directionless. She dropped out of college before she turned twenty, much to her parent's displeasure. Ever since, she had been on the road, sometimes working from day to day to make a living.

She had discovered her passion for writing and picked up a few gigs from some private publishing companies, who were utterly interested in her talent. Then she started making websites, which she could do from the road, until she began documenting her adventures and became a great success.

She was an adventurous chick, and you couldn't get her to settle down even if you broke both of her legs. Honestly, you wouldn't believe the woman was thirty-one. She could be rather childish and inappropriate at times. And loud. Insanely loud. But it all just added to her person.

She was the one who took the blame when I was ten and we accidently pushed my father's barbecue grill into the pool. Man, I've never seen so much steam in my life, and it got even more awkward as the seagulls started eating my dad's super expensive steaks from out the water.

Handball and flippers probably wasn't the best combination.

Luckily, Aunt Susan had been there to take the blow. She was cool like that. She even gave me a wink, and whispered in my ear that she would do it all over again if she got to see my father's tomato red face once again. Whenever she tells that story to people, she almost convinces them that his head nearly popped off.

Now, my Aunt Susan and I have spent a lot of great times together. However, her travels occupied much of her time and I only got to see her every four months or so.

When I was younger I wanted to be just like her. Her energetic spirit and bubbly personality could lighten any mood settled upon a dinner table, which was quite impressive regarding that my father was among the crowd settled around said table. Hell, my mother used to say with a raised finger "Anna, you're just like your Aunt Susan!" whenever she caught me with my hand in the cookie jar. I took it as a compliment, because no one was as awesome as Aunt Susan at the time.

One night she would sneak into my room past midnight and ask me if I wanted to go cow-tipping. Of course as we were about to sneak out the backdoor my mother had caught us and send us straight back to bed. Not without Aunt Susan sneaking some ice cream out the freezer first of course.

She was her usual happy self when she entered the front door and slammed her hands around me into that fierce bear hug she was so famous for.

_I didn't miss you at all, _I thought as she hugged me tight. _Not a single bit_. _Even though I love you. But I can't feel that. It's only because I _know_ I love you that I do._ It was rather a fact, than a feeling.

"How is my Banana-bear, you sure look as dazzling as always my darling," she said loudly against my ear. I wanted to laugh, but it just resulted in an over exaggerated huff of air. She pulled back to place a hand on my cheek and patted it lightly.

"Its really good to see you Anna, I missed you," the brown-haired woman in front of me said. The freckles that dusted across her nose stood out a bit more than mine. Her piercing green eyes were reading me.

_I wish I could say the same. I really do._

"I missed you too Aunt Susan," I whispered, hating saying something that wasn't true. "How long are you staying this time?"

"That's still undetermined my friend, but so far, as long as your mother will let me," the woman shrugged, and pulled her large North Face duffel bag over her shoulder.

"You can stay as long as you need Susan, you know that," my mother swooped in and said. "As long as you respect bedtimes. And no smoking in the house, you hear me?" She raised a warning finger towards her sister, and quirked and eyebrow daringly. Aunt Susan just rolled her eyes at her older sibling, before catching my gaze and giving me a wink.

After dinner I sat in my room, endlessly searching for something worth watching on Netflix, when I heard a knock on the door. I turned my head to see the same brown locks nearly identical to mother's. If only my mother would stop imprisoning her beautiful hair in those awfully boring buns of hers.

"May I come in?" My aunt asked, though not waiting for a reply since she was already slumping down on my bed next to me, popping up her feet.

"What's up sweet pea, why the long face? You barely said anything during dinner. I usually have to shut you up with a kick under the table," she stated and pulled her arms behind her head. She nudged me with an elbow, smiling that perfectly beautiful smile of hers. I shrugged and kept scrolling through the continuous list of crappy movies.

"Boy trouble?" She persisted, now popping up on one elbow, and gently closing my laptop that was neatly placed on my lap. I looked at her, meeting the same green eyes as mine.

"No its nothing like that…" I mumbled.

That seemed to make her wonder. I mean, what could possibly be wrong right? Perfect little Anna who had everything, and had her whole life ahead of her. But I knew Aunt Susan noticed the red flag, if not for my dismissive behaviour, then the fact that I had dropped out of college. I was certain my aunt wasn't thrilled that I had taken after her and just quit from one day to the next.

"You know you can talk to me right? I know I haven't been around much lately, but I'm here now."

I knew it had been a while. Aunt Susan hadn't visited in almost over a year. Not since she travelled to Australia to work at that animal shelter, while searching for stories worth writing.

"I know," was all I could say. I felt bad for not knowing how to verbalize my thoughts. Instead, I just leaned my head on her shoulder, and let her wrap her arms around me.

"How's your writing coming?" She then asked.

Aunt Susan had been the one to make realize my passion for writing, though, the past many months had been spent in the isolated corner of writer's block. She encouraged it, even though my parents persisted there was no real future or career in that field (I mean, I could just take a look at my Aunt Susan).

"Not so well," I said.

"That's too bad. I was looking forward for some banana adventures," she sighed. "But hey, we all get those blocks, right? All you need is a little inspiration."

It was quiet for a little while, and I nuzzled in closer to my aunt. My head fit perfectly in the crook of her neck. She was a few inches taller than my mother and I, but had the same strong build as I did. My mother mostly represented a fragile porcelain doll, and wasn't built for sports like me and Aunt Susan.

"I brought my slingshot. You wanna go shoot cans off the roof? Your dad will absolutely hate it," she giggled and winked.

We walked to the front yard and shot cans for the rest of the day, until my dad lost his temper, which made Aunt Susan shoot gum drops at him with said slingshot.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I try to avoid lyrics in my stories, so I kept it short :) Sorry that there was no Elsanna, but I promise next chapter will have more.

Song: "Waves" by Mr. Probz


	4. Clattering Teeth

**Chapter 4 – Clattering Teeth**

The next few days were spend in the solitary comfort of my bed. Aunt Susan seemed to brighten my days just a tad, although I had to endure the constant nagging from my father - a feature always accompanied by every one of Aunt Susan's visits. He was unusually pushy regarding my handball practices. I guess he didn't want any more 'bad influences' from my aunt, ergo, the less time I spent with her the better, in his eyes.

It was late when I made it to Tiana's. Practice had lasted longer than usual since Coach Hawkins made us stay and brief us about the upcoming game. I had sat with crossed legs, allowing myself to space out for the extra thirty minutes. I thought of nothing in particular, perhaps maybe the way Belle, our goalkeeper, was wearing an extra tight sports top that day. It looked good on her.

Before I entered the cosy café, I noted that Elsa wasn't in her usual spot which was weird, because she was always there after practice on Thursdays. Coming to think of it, she hadn't been there the day before either when I was heading into to town with my mom to do some grocery shopping.

Tiana stood by the front desk, her forehead gleaming with a thin layer of sweat, probably from the heat of the stove behind her which was currently frying the best pancakes in the world. Just the smell of those wonderful chocolate chip godlike flapjacks had my stomach growl. I barely made it to my seat before Tiana put a plate in front of me.

"I can see you're in a bad mood, and you get even grumpier on an empty stomach. Eat up girl."

She didn't grant me another word until I took the last calorie packed bite. By that time, she had caught up with all her orders, and now settled in front of me, popped up on her elbows and resting her chin in her palms.

"How are you Cupcake?" Tiana asked, brushing my bangs back to get a clearer look on my face.

"I'm good," I answered. Tiana sighed.

"Whatever you say Darling," she grabbed a cloth and started wiping off the counter. Tiana rolled her eyes. She hated when I did this. But I had no intentions of boring her we my sad-day-sob-story.

"Thanks for the pancakes," I said, trying to express some sort of gratefulness onto my face.

"I hope you enjoyed them because Naveen will be making them for the rest of the week. I'm going on a food-convention outside of Arendelle, so you'll just have to settle with the second best," Tiana smirked mischievously as a groan sounded from the kitchen, followed by an "I heard that!"

"A food-convention huh?" I asked dumbly.

"Yeah, I'm real excited. This could be the first step towards opening up my own shop!" She said happily.

Of course it could be. Because Tiana always had a plan, unlike me. And this was just perfect. Don't get me wrong, I was happy for her, but I hate to admit that I was jealous. Not because of the food-convention – that thing would probably be wasted on me unless I was allowed to eat everything – but because yet again it seemed as if everyone had a plan.

* * *

><p>I was in a particularly foul mood as I left Tiana's Café. For no apparent reason really. I just didn't feel… nope, that's it. I just didn't feel. After two cups of tea – because coffee would keep me awake, and I would hate not to be able to escape reality – and a piece of cherry pie, I was about ready to leave. I'd been sitting there for hours, crunched over my notebook.<p>

Aunt Susan had spiked up just the tiniest bit of motivation to at least _try_ getting back in the game. I wanted to be happy, to feel again, but I just didn't know what would do the trick. I was willing to try anything. But as I sat there, I discovered it was impossible for me to convert thoughts into words in a meaningful chain of sentences. My failure simply amplified my misery. Maybe that's what put me in such a foul mood.

Anyhow, my miserable state of mind was probably the reason I nearly overlooked the platinum blonde girl, without realizing she was sitting alone out in the middle of this freezing weather. The night had in capsuled the city with its thick darkness, and it was below freezing by now.

I noted that I'd never seen Elsa sit out on her corner this late. I guess that's what made me walk over to her. As I approached her, I saw her pale face. It was as beautiful as always, but paler than usual. The dim streetlight lit up the sidewalk just enough for me to notice her blue lips. Her eyes were closed, and hands wrapped loosely around herself. The grey cloak hung over her shoulders, and her knees were pulled up to her chest.

"Hey," I mumbled, shaking her shoulder gently. Her hooded eyes vaguely looked at me, and that's when the teeth clattering began. Hesitantly I stoked my thumb over her cheek. It was ice cold. Which was scary, because my hands were already really cold, but her cheek felt freezing to my touch. Her lids slid shut, and her head bopped forward, dangling lifeless from her body.

"Oh shit," I stated when Elsa tipped over, and into my arms. "Fucking hell," I cursed.

I looked around to see if there was anyone around, but I was all alone. Snow started drizzling from the sky, and I realized I'd have to help this girl, or she would probably freeze to death.

If I may be honest. Helping a homeless girl from freezing to death that night wasn't exactly on my list of thing I _wanted_ to do. On the other hand, I couldn't just leave her to die. I know, I know, not a very nice way of thinking, but if I'd known Elsa the way that I know her now, I wouldn't have hesitated for a split second.

It was difficult to tell how long she had been sitting there, but she barely seemed to be awake. When I pulled one of her arms over my shoulders, the girl suddenly became more aware of what was going on. She could stand, but only if I helped sustain her body weight. Tiny cries of pain escaped from her lips, but she was barely conscious I could tell.

"Hey, stay awake for me, please, just stay awake, you'll be okay," I comforted with the best of my abilities.

I managed to drag her to my car, needless to say, it was challenging with the slippery ice combined with my lack of coordination skills and bad luck. But we managed, and I didn't hesitate in ripping open the door and carry her into the passenger seat.

Immediately I ran to the other side of the car – I might have slipped, landing on my knee, but not the point – and plucked the keys in so I could get this baby warmed up. Elsa sat, shivering uncontrollably in the seat next to me. Reaching over, I grabbed the seatbelt and secured her before driving off. I tried not to break the speed limit, I really did, also since it would be risky with these icy roads, but Elsa's lack of life signs had me worried.

"Please don't fall asleep, we're almost there. You'll stay with me tonight, just please stay awake," I kept saying, trying to get her attention. Perhaps she could focus on my voice.

Honestly, I didn't know what went through my mind at that point, but I just kept pleading her to stay awake. Then I grabbed her hand, and held it in mine, trying to heat it up. I massaged it gently, figuring I'd try to get her blood circulation going.

A deep heartfelt sigh left my throat when I pulled in outside my house. The adrenaline in my body almost had me pull Elsa over the driver's seat and into my arms, but I knew she would probably get stuck halfway through, and I couldn't waste such precious time. Therefore, I sprinted around the car.

"Elsa, listen to my voice. Stay awake, you're safe, I'll take care of you," my voice was shaky by now, and I couldn't help it.

I caught a faint slur of pale blue eyes, spiking the hope that Elsa was somewhat aware of what was happening. Her feet nearly dragged across the icy pavement, and I used all my force to get her up the few stairs to the front door.

My parents would never allow Elsa into our house if they knew she was homeless. I didn't want to bring them into this. They would interrogate me, and then Elsa would not get warm enough in time. They wouldn't understand. They never understood. They didn't need to be dragged into this. I could do this. Right?

We nearly tumbled inside, making the door slam hard against the wall, and causing my parents to turn their heads from the TV. My mother's mouth immediately hung open, but I stopped her before she got a chance to say anything. She was halfway out of her chair when I pulled Elsa over my shoulder, and closed the door with my foot.

"No, no! Don't get up, everything's under control," I stated casually, my mother still unsure whether she should rush to aid, "this is my old friend Joan, she's had a bit too much, that girl sure knows how to party," I continued.

Luckily, swinging Elsa over my shoulder resulted in her face being hidden behind my back. My mom was very familiar with my old high school friend Joan Knight, and the trouble she came with. I saw the tired look on my mother's face, and thanked the lord when she sat back down again, "I'll just take her to my room. Goodnight!"

And with that I climbed the flight of stairs like an axe murderer was chasing me. Hopefully my mother hadn't gotten a look at Elsa's face, and either way, she probably wouldn't recognize her from the corner by Tiana's. She wasn't observant like that. But she meant well. I didn't have time to check whether my Aunt Susan was home, knowing Elsa needed warmth, like, at that very instance.

I laid her on my bed, her teeth were clattering and her lips had turned a darker shade of blue. I started out by giving her some hot water, hoping she would warm up from the inside, but it didn't seem to bring her core temperature up. Her eyes nearly fell completely shut. No matter what I seemed to do, she wouldn't warm up.

_Think Anna! Think!_

I rubbed my hands together to heat up my palms. My hands had gotten cold from not wearing gloves. I stood for a second, just looking at my palms. That was it.

_Body heat._

Faster than humanly possible, I threw off my jacket and shirt, as if a wasp had crawled its way inside of it. Quickly I stripped myself down to my underwear, and did the same with Elsa. She didn't seem to protest, and admittedly, I felt like a creep doing so. But if it would help, I was pretty much ready to do anything. I slid under the covers of my bed, pulling Elsa with me. Despite her freezing skin, she felt so soft against me. The cold made me shiver. Goosebumps settled upon my skin, she was like ice against me. My teeth started clattering.

I placed myself slightly on top of her, and wrapped my arms around her, clutching onto her, like I was holding onto to her with my kinda-dear life. Her breath tickled my neck, but slowly, I felt her wrapping herself around me too. I wasn't sure if it was a conscious move or pure instinct, but she did. She was still shivering like a damn Nokia on vibrate, and her breaths were uneven and too deep. My cheek rested on her cold forehead.

"Stay awake for me, please," I said, and her breath shuttered.

My breathing was uneven as well, my body also reacting to the coldness of the person underneath me. I pulled the comforter closer to us, practically pinning her against the madras, making sure every part of our bodies were touching. Her stomach was against mine. Our breasts touched. Our legs intermingled. I readjusted, seeing if I could pull us even closer.

Her body was flush up against mine now, and I felt her breast press onto my stomach. I couldn't deny it felt good, but on the other hand, I didn't want to be one of those pervy people cupping a feel without consent.

Meanwhile I was just focusing on passing as much body heat to her as I possibly could, like a radiator giving it's all during the cold winter months. Her muscles were still contracting to make that friction of heat and restore wamrth in her system. I clutched tighter onto her, if that was even possible at the time.

I was only vaguely aware that I had an absolutely stunning half-naked woman beneath me, while I myself was merely in panties and bra. The thought of kissing her might have arisen, but only to see if it would trigger anything. If it would evoke anything inside of me. But I decided against it, it didn't feel right.

"Elsa, can you hear me?"

My voice was shaky, and I was still shivering.

"You're gonna be fine, you hear me? I'm here," a tear escaped from the corner of my eye. It came completely unannounced, but luckily wasn't followed by any of its friends.

"I got you," my voice only a whisper now, "I got you."

Her ragged breathing caught a rhythm now, and it eased me to hear her body was regaining some sort of control. I still wanted to kiss life back into those blue lips of hers. I felt her chest rise under my breasts. Her stomach filled with air, and she tried wiggling her toes.

"A-Anna…" she mumbled, and damn could I have broken down in tears of joy just by hearing that rusty voice.

"I've got you, I won't let go, I'm right here," I soothed, and her face nuzzled closer into my neck as I felt her body relax a tad more, before she drifted off into sleep.

I refused to sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I felt the urge to open them again just to check if Elsa was still breathing. After two exhausting hours, I shifted my weight, and pulled Elsa on top of me. My elbows were sore from keeping myself up, making sure not to crush the girl beneath me.

Now that Elsa was on top, I didn't mind her weight on me. She wasn't heavy, and I for one, didn't have trouble breathing. She was sleeping peacefully on my chest, and the blood had slowly made its way back to her face. The sight of her rosy cheeks had my stomach do a flip. I wondered what that feeling was, you know, the feeling when your stomach does a flip. Usually it comes when you have a near-fall-hanging-in-the-air experience. Like when you dream that you are falling, and you wake up with that feeling of someone pulling the bed from underneath you. It was that kind of flip my stomach did, but it didn't feel quite the same.

"You're okay… you're safe," I assured the sleeping girl resting on me, even though I spoke for deaf ears.

Elsa's face looked so relaxed, and I found myself trace a finger over her forehead, and down over her nose until reaching her chin. Then I tangled one hand in her hair, and pulled her head closer to my chest, before closing my eyes. It must have been around five in the morning when my mind and body finally gave in, and let me drift into unconsciousness.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I just want to thank you for all of the reviews. And a special shout out to you Anons out there, you guys rock, and since I can't thank you personally, I'll just do it here.

Also, I'd like to say that I'm trying my hardest not to make this one of those stories, you know, "she was depressed, but then a pretty girl liked her and now she's completely fine and screw that existential crisis." It's not my intention to disrespect the condition. In fact, some of these bits and pieces are personal diary entries. Yet, this _is_ a love story too, so expect cheesiness and love stuff (I kinda like cheesy stuff… lol).

I'll try and update on Wednesdays from now on, but don't kill me if I miss a deadline.

Stay excellent.


	5. Match Girl

**Chapter 5 – Match Girl**

**A/N:** I forgot to do this. Disclaimer: I do not own Disney.

* * *

><p>Elsa was the most gorgeous human being on the planet.<p>

There wasn't more to it than that. I hadn't really realized how absolutely breath-taking she was until that morning where I woke up with her head resting on my chest, and my arms wrapped around her.

I might have laid and stared at her for a little while. Her lips were a full pink color again, and that god-awful shade of blue had vanished. The girl on top of me was breathing so lightly, so calm and peacefully, and I hadn't felt this relaxed in a long long time.

Her eyelashes were long and beautiful and perfect. Her face was like the Mona Lisa of faces, and her body just as astonishing.

Elsa was thin, but not famished. Sure, she could use a bit more meat to the bones, but nothing a couple dozens of Tiana's pancakes couldn't handle.

Her breathing was so steady, and I spend a minute just focusing on it as she breathed in and out, and in and out. I tried synchronizing our breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth. It was lovely just being there with her. Her inhales and exhales had become a sudden source of reassurance. I could count on it. That no matter what my mind would wander off doing, Elsa's breathing was still there. It was almost consoling. Almost alleviating.

I felt every exhale from her nose as a tickling puff of air onto my bare skin. My eyes had shot a quick glance towards my alarm clock on my nightstand. It read 08:16. I was going to be late for practice, but honestly I didn't care. In fact, I was shocked my mother hadn't stormed through my door yet and ripped off my comforter.

I'd been awake for twenty minutes or so, not having the heart to wake up Elsa. She needed sleep, so that she hopefully wouldn't become sick after yesterday's extravagant exposure to mother nature. The cold had nearly killed her, and my stomach tightened just thinking about it.

What if I hadn't found her? Would it have ended up like that down-right heartbreaking tale by that H.C. Andersen? I vaguely remembered my mother reading me _The Little Match Girl_, and I had cried my eyes out for days after.

It really had me wondering why my mother hadn't barged in yet, but I was too captivated by the beauty pressed against my body. I couldn't help but play with a strand of her hair. Another thirty minutes or so went by before she stirred slightly.

Elsa let out a tiny whimper, and I could only imagine the stiffness and aching she must have felt. I laid very still, wishing and praying she wouldn't think I was some sort of pervert and slap me across the face.

Slowly, oh so slowly, her icy blue eyes appeared from under her lids. She blinked the sleepiness out of her eyes, before her blue orbs met my teal ones. The expression on her face was absolutely incomprehensible. I'd never seen so many emotions fly across a person's face in such a short amount of time.

"Hey," I said casually. It couldn't get more awkward than this anyway.

"H-hi," she stuttered, and her cheeks started blooming red.

"It's good to see some color on that face of yours… you scared the crap out of me," my voice was small.

It was as if Elsa suddenly realized we were half-naked in my bed, and on top of each other. She stared at me with panic, and started pushing herself up from the bed.

She groaned lightly, as she clumsily got on all four. I guessed her joins were still stiff and hurting. Elsa didn't seem to be able to find her balance, and ended up sliding a knee in between my legs, and a hand on each side of my body. Her breasts were squeezed together, and I tried my best not to stare at her exposed cleavage. I gulped once. Finally, Elsa untangled herself complete and placed herself on the edge of the bed with her face in her hands.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, sitting upright, carefully swinging my feet over the edge of the bed as well. There we both sat, in our underwear, on an early Friday October morning.

"Better... thanks to you," her voice was shaky, but she turned her head to look at me.

I looked at her bare body, how fragile and small she appeared. I grabbed the comforter and wrapped it over her shoulders. She looked at me with a grateful expression, but also in disbelief. As if this wasn't real to her, that no one had ever been this nice to her.

"Don't mention it…" I mumbled. For some reason I wanted to reach over and rub her back, I don't know, she just seemed like she needed it. "How much do you remember?"

Her gaze fell to the floor, she was thinking back. I could see she was trying her hardest to recall last nights' events. Her brows were knitted together, making a tiny worried wrinkle appear between her eyebrows.

"Not much… I remember you getting me into your car… everything else seems rather… blurry. W-what happened?"

When our eyes met, I noticed the pool of tears gathered up in her eyes, almost spilling over, but not quite. Maybe I could take her hand? You know, in a sort of comforting way. Or maybe not. I probably shouldn't.

"I found you at the corner, all shaky and blue. So I brought you here. I didn't know how to get your body temperature up, so I kinda, um, used my body to… warm you."

She stared at me, blinking once, and a tear escaped.

"I-I didn't, you know, _do _anything. I mean, you have a very nice body, b-but I would never take advantage of you or anything…" Why was I stuttering? Maybe awkwardness was just something I was born with, and genetically couldn't escape from. I groaned loudly. "I'll just shut up now."

Elsa sniffled once, before scooting closer to me, and hooking an arm threw mine. She rested her head on my shoulder. Her scent was invading my nose. She smelled heavenly. Not that I hadn't noticed that throughout the night. There was a mint-like aroma to her hair. It felt crisp to my nostrils.

"Thank you Anna… I don't know what would've happened if you hadn't found me…"

"Like you said… it's no trouble, really," trying to mimic her voice from the first day we had met. That made Elsa smile, despite the glistering tears staining her cheeks. It was weird actually. Here we were, two complete strangers, comforting one another. It was kind of beautiful really, maybe overlooking the part that we were merely sitting in our underwear. Nevertheless, if you asked me, that actually just made it even more beautiful, but that was mostly because Elsa was simply stunning.

"What were you doing out alone so late?"

The question hung in the air for some time. I was afraid she wasn't going to answer. After all, it wasn't any of my business. And yet again, I had just saved her life, so I decided she at least owed me that much.

"I… I was waiting for someone," she answered sadly, her voice barely a whisper.

The look plastered on her face was filled with worry and hurt again. Who had she been waiting for? It sure had to be someone important if she was willing to sit through was seemed like the freaking ice age.

"Are you… in any kind of trouble?" The will to help suddenly hit me. If I couldn't help myself, god knows maybe I should take myself up on my own advice and help others.

Elsa shook her head, smiling softly.

"No," she said sending me a crooked smile, "no, its nothing like that. I assure you."

"You know," wait, was I really going to say this? "If you need any help… you can just ask. I wouldn't mind." I guess I was. Good for you Anna Lykke. Bravo.

This made Elsa look like her heart nearly melted.

"That's very sweet of you. You've been nothing but sweet really, and I'm forever grateful, but you've already done too much."

I sat for a moment. Was this the part where I should push further upon the matter, or just accept her decline? I went for the latter.

"Alright, just know… yeah."

She seemed to get the message, smiling at me softly again, this time also smiling with her eyes. Soft lips rested upon my cheek for a brief second. It hadn't really occurred to me that she had just kissed me. You won't believe what happened next though.

I smiled.

And Elsa beamed. It wasn't a toothy grin, like a kid who just got the world's largest ice cream in his or her possession. But it was indeed a smile. It felt foreign to my lips, but good. It felt good.

"There it is," she chimed. "Beautiful."

The smile on my lips didn't falter, but definitely turned into something else.

Heavy and clumsy footsteps approached with a sudden haste outside my door. I braced myself, barely doubting who would barge in soon, giving me some sort of reprimand about bringing friends over unannounced. That's why it caught me by surprise when I saw it was my Aunt Susan who smacked the door open. She stared at us for a moment.

"Alright, I've been trying to keep that monster you call a mother out of here all morning, but now she's actually threatening to confiscate my slingshot, so you better get some clothes on girls," the brunette in the doorway insisted with a tired look on her face.

Elsa's face went beat red as she tried covering herself up. I didn't mind, Aunt Susan had seen me like this tons of times. I walked to my closet and pulled out some clothes for Elsa and me. Her eyes widened when I threw a pair of jeans at her, again filled with disbelief.

"Here, these should fit you," I mumbled.

"No Anna, I-I can't take your clothes, it wouldn't-"

"Please, I insist. If you don't want to keep them, you can always give them back to me later." That made her feel a tiny bit better, and she quickly started to dress herself. Meanwhile, I dug deep into my closet to find that old jacket I didn't use anymore. Elsa could have it; the army blue would suit her complexion perfectly. It was large and baggy and would warm her up nicely for sure.

I handed it over to her and she accepted it hesitantly.

"Please keep this one at least," it wasn't really a question, nor an order. But Elsa took it, still exhibiting her worrisome features onto her dandy face.

Aunt Susan crossed her arms over her chest, taking a small step back to glance down the hallway and assure the coast was still clear.

"By the way, Anna, I told your mom that you were sick. Nothing fatal, just fake a tiny cold for me, will ya? And you, Snowflake, you left early this morning because you had ballet lessons, so we'll have to sneak you out the window somehow. Capiche?"

Elsa and I both nodded eagerly. I stepped into my pants, and pulled them over my hips.

"Wait, she actually bought all that crap?"

Aunt Susan glanced over her shoulder once again before making a panicked motion with one hand, indicating for us to hurry up.

"Your mom can be very gullible when she's worried," she said and stepped closer to Elsa to pull my coat, well _her_ coat now, tighter around her torso.

"Alright, I'll take Snowflake to my room so she can climb down the over the shed. Anna, you go distract your mom, remember to be sick, and make it sound convincing. Then you and I'll have a talk Missy," she raised a finger towards me as she dragged Elsa out of the room. Elsa managed a tiny wave as my Aunt dragged her down the hall.

I walked to the kitchen, having pulled an oversized sweater over my head, accompanied by some sweatpants. Clearly my mom was frustrated, the way she paced around the kitchen, making lemon tea and kitchen soup.

"Hey mom," I mumbled as I leaned against the doorframe.

I knew Aunt Susan wanted me to act sick, but usually when I was sick, I hated people making a fuss about, ergo, I would do my best to pretend I was fine. It would probably evoke some suspicion if I were to overdo it.

My mother pretty much dropped everything in her hands and stormed towards me.

"Oh, Sweetie are you feeling okay? Did you take your temperature? Are you feeling dizzy?" Her hands were on my cheeks, and one flew to my forehead and brushed away my bangs to feel my temperature.

This was exactly why I hated being sick.

"Stop it mom, I'm fine," I shrugged her hands off of me.

"You always say that, please just let me take care of you for once," she insisted.

I sighed. Then I looked at my mom, and there was something in her face. Something I hadn't actually seen in a while. Not like this anyway. It was hurt.

"I really wish you would stop doing that around me…" she said. Perhaps I hadn't realized how many times I sighed at my mother on a daily basis. Or maybe I had, but just hadn't thought it affected her that much. But apparently it did. It did affect her.

"I'm sorry," I muttered. But I didn't mean it. I wish I did, but as always, it was hard for me to say things I didn't actually feel. "I'll drink some tea if it makes you feel better."

Thankfully, that made my mother smile. If all I needed to do to make her smile was to take better care of myself, then I guess I could live with that sacrifice.

I watched as my mother prepared a cup of tea for me, when Aunt Susan appeared around the corner, giving me a discreet thumbs up when my mother wasn't looking.

"Gee Anna-bear, you're looking a little pale, maybe you should go back to bed," my Aunt quirked an eyebrow, shooting me one of her 'we need to talk' looks. My mother of course took Aunt Susan's side (a rare occurrence really), and I headed for my room, dreading what to come.

I'd just snuggled under the covers when Aunt Susan walked in, carrying two steamy cups of tea, and closing the door behind her with her foot. The older woman placed herself by the edge of my bed, which was peculiar, because normally she would have thrown herself under the covers along with me.

We both took a sip of our tea. It was rare that an awkward silence fell between the two of us. Then Aunt Susan cleared her throat, and I shifted my attention to her piercing green eyes.

"You know, when I asked about boy trouble, I didn't mean you couldn't come to me with girl trouble either," she stated.

I said nothing. I just stared at her. And she stared right back at me.

"Wait what?" I uttered after a few confused seconds.

Aunt Susan just gave me a tired stare, and sighed loudly.

"You. And that girl." It was like she was stating the obvious. As if it was as clear as the day was long.

"That's not what that was," I said, somewhat defensively.

"Then what was it?"

The older woman on my bed raised an eyebrow, wearing an expectant look. It wasn't a teasing sisterly gaze, but more like a… friendly one. Though her eyes said, 'this better be good.'

"Elsa's homeless. I found her last night almost freezing to death. I brought her here. End of story."

"Anna, its okay. I'm not judging, if you're gay, then you're gay."

This woman just wouldn't give up.

"But I'm not."

"I saw you two. Sure as hell looked gay to me," Aunt Susan eyed me over her cup as she took a gulp of tea, "but hey, that's fine. I just didn't think your mom would take it as well, so I guarded the door."

"We didn't sleep together," my voice was expressionless, as I simply tried to get my point across.

"That's not what I meant. I meant after. When I walked in while you were talking. Jesus, everyone cuddles. But the look she gave you. And the look you gave her."

"I'm not gay. Its nothing like that. I barely know her."

Her gaze grew serious at once, well, as serious as Aunt Susan now could be.

"Seriously Anna don't try and sell that bullshit to me. I haven't seen you crack a smile since I got here, and as soon as I catch you with some girl in your bed, you suddenly have teeth again. I actually saw that light in your eyes that I've missed."

I'm not sure if I was angry or happy. Honestly, neither, as usual, but something was definitely stirring. Because this was different. Admittedly, I'd never given the possibility of liking another girl a thought.

Aunt Susan rose from her seat.

"All I'm saying is, if someone can make you smile like that… you better hold 'em tight, and sure as hell not let go. Those are my words of wisdom to you."

She finished her tea, and left the room, leaving me speechless on the bed.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Thank you for all the reviews and follows, you guys rock.

News update, I will not – I repeat – I will not have internet for a whole week next week! Sadly, I probably can't finish an entire chapter before the end of this week. I'll update as soon as I can.

Stay excellent!


	6. Pancake Disputes

**Chapter 6 – Pancakes Disputes**

Like I didn't already have enough to think about. Like I didn't have thoughts roaming inside of my head every second of the day. To think that Aunt Susan actually had thrown the gay-card at me. Unbelievable. Not that she was wrong. That was the problem. She was awfully right as usual. Damn to woman.

But I'd listened to what she had been saying, and her advice hadn't been told to deaf ears (perhaps stubborn ears, but that's beside the point). I mean, if she was right, who was I to play god? Perhaps it was a sign from the universe that I had found Elsa that night. Or maybe she had found me, I wasn't entirely sure. But who was I to deny myself an opportunity like this? What if Elsa was the key to unlock my cold numb heart? I mean, it wasn't much of a life if what you were looking forward to the most during the day was to go back to bed.

That was why the next day I found myself standing before the older girl. She was sitting on her usual corner, cutting what looked to be ice-hearts. At first, she didn't see me, too focused on getting the edge of her ice-heart just perfect. It wasn't until I started mumbling like an idiot she looked up, and immediately a smile spread across her face. Honestly, the smile she send me was so warm it could have melted the ice in front of her.

"I…um…" obviously, I hadn't thought through what I wanted to say to her. The blonde gave me a chance though, letting a couple of seconds pass to see if I would find the words. I didn't.

"You 'um' what?" Elsa smiled.

I wasn't nervous. Not really. But it was no secret my brain had shut off, for reasons that remained unexplained yet to this point.

"I want to…. Buy you pancakes…"

As I thought her smile couldn't become more genuine, more real, I stood and watched as the most perfect lips on earth spread into an even wider grin.

"Oh Anna, that's sweet. But I can't really leave this," she gestured to her tiny booth and her ice-hearts.

She was wearing the jacket I'd given her. I was right. It really did suit her.

If I could feel disappointment, that's probably what I would have felt in that moment. Luckily, some things never changed, and my stubbornness hadn't left me. I couldn't tell if it was a positive trait to have. It definitely caused some troubles once in a while. It was a trait I'd inherited from Aunt Susan, no doubt.

"You don't have to, really. I can just go buy them, and feed you while you work. I've got good aim," …wow, did I really just make a joke?

Elsa giggled.

"I would love to, really, Anna I would… but I can't let you pay for me…" her smiled faded a tiny bit as she brushed her hair behind her ear. She was biting down on her lower lip, maybe a tiny bit embarrassed.

"So let me get this straight. You can give me your ice sculptures for free, or 'on the house', but I can't buy you pancakes? If you think about it, I actually owe you two rounds of pancakes to even out the ice sculptures," I hadn't realized I'd taken a few steps forward, and there was merely a few feet between Elsa and I.

The blonde let out a tiny laugh, shaking her shoulders just the tiniest. Then she looked at me, her eyes smiling just as bright as her lips.

"You make a valid argument," she stated, putting down her tools and rubbing some heat into her hands.

"So I've been told," I shrugged, almost playfully.

"Fine Anna, I'll let you buy me pancakes."

Damn if not a smile-like-thing plastered itself upon my lips. I watched as she got up and pulled a large plastic cover over her booth, protecting the ice from the sun. Then we walked to Tiana's in silence. I held the door for her, and she hesitantly stepped inside, but not before sending me a worried look.

Tiana's Café wasn't a fancy place, and with Elsa wearing my old jacket you would barely think anything of it. Perhaps her boots gave her away, I'd never seen anything so worn down. I made a mental note to roam through my closet for an extra pair I had lying around.

We placed ourselves at one of the tables in the corner. Elsa was as beautiful as ever, but she seemed bothered by the fact that her hands were a tiny bit dirty, and her shoes weren't clean. I couldn't help but notice her nervously observing the other customers in the café, noting whether they were looking or not. They weren't.

Naveen came and took out orders, and we had to settle for the world's second best pancakes. We both ordered the banana pancakes with walnuts and caramel sauce.

I didn't say much. I was too busy trying to figure out what these weird _things_ happening inside of me whenever I looked at Elsa were. They were too indefinite to be defined as feelings, so I thought for now they could be classified as _things_.

It would be an understatement to say that it became a little awkward. Apparently, I'd just been sitting looking at her, a little hunched over. An instinct wanted me to place a hand on my heart, just to feel it, because it was doing funny things. Though, my common sense instructed me not to do so, since it would perhaps only magnify the awkwardness level if I was kind of half grabbing my boob at that moment.

Naveen came with our drinks – triple chocolate milkshakes (or as I liked to call it: diabetes in liquid state). We both silently sipped our drinks until Elsa broke the silence.

"Anna, I really can't thank you enough for what you did… I don't know how to express my gratitude," Elsa voice was soft and she looked at me with humble eyes.

"It really was no trouble. I'm just glad you're alright," I stirred my chocolate milkshake, "but maybe you could repay me by letting me buy you pancakes once in a while?"

I knew it was a long shot, and it probably sounded cheesy as hell. But there was something here, something I couldn't make sense of. I needed to spend more time with Elsa to figure out these _things_.

Elsa giggled, revealing that gorgeous set of teeth of hers.

"If that makes you happy, I'm sure I could live with that burden," Elsa took another sip, her slender pale fingers tapping lightly on the straw. She leaned back into the chair, and eyed me carefully. I wish I knew what she was seeing.

"Your aunt seems like a nice person… very… sprightly," the older girl smiled. Surely, Aunt Susan had not held back on… well, being Aunt Susan.

"Yeah, I guess she's alright if you like the energetic and straightforward type… she's probably my favorite person in the world," I admitted.

"You're lucky to have her; she cares a lot about you, you can tell. But for her information, I'm a C-cup," Elsa flashed a wide grin when she saw my face drop.

I squeezed the bridge of my nose between two fingers, and I closed my eyes. _Pause for dramatic effect, and…_

"Please don't tell me she tried to guess your bra-size…" I mumbled, trying to act embarrassed even though I really wasn't. But hearing Elsa's laughter was worth it. She was honestly worth pretending for, even though I felt so fake doing so.

"My sincerest apologies on behalf of my aunt. She doesn't get out much," I said. Jokingly. I was almost proud of myself. I earned another laugh from Elsa, and I tried to smile along.

I watched as our local butcher, Mr. Oaken, entered to order his afternoon coffee. He gave me a nod, and I politely returned it, causing Elsa to look over her shoulder. She observed as the rather large man grabbed his coffee and exited the café.

"So, Anna Lykke, tell me about yourself. Do you make a habit of taking in freezing girls on the street in the middle of the night?" She quirked an eyebrow playfully.

"Only on Thursdays," I said quickly, and Elsa laughed. I didn't laugh myself, but I enjoyed listening to her laugh. "And what do you want to know?" I asked.

I wasn't going to give her my sob story just like that. She would have to be more specific.

"I don't know, what do you do?"

Our food arrived, and Elsa's eyes lit up. I wondered how long it had been since she'd had a meal like this. I let her sink her teeth into one of the fluffy flapjacks before I responded. Meanwhile, I was weighing my options. I could tell her the truth and present myself as the massive loser I now was, or I could lie, and perhaps save a tiny bit of dignity. I decided to be honest.

"I'm a college dropout. Current occupation would be handball and Netflix," there wasn't much more to it than that. This was pretty much me summed up for Elsa to see.

I didn't deem it fitting to ask Elsa about her current occupation. For some reason, I felt like it was a topic that should be avoided. I was curious, who wouldn't be? But the subject seemed sensitive, and I wasn't about to push it on our first… meeting.

"Why'd you drop out?" Elsa asked, chewing a bite delicately before washing it down with a slurp of chocolate milkshake. It was nice to see the girl could eat. I almost had to fight the urge to push my plate towards her so she could finish mine as well.

I liked how blunt Elsa was. It made me think whether she would mind if I asked her a few things about her situation. She wasn't hiding her sudden interest to why I had dropped out.

"Big shoes to fill…" was my only answer.

I realized how ungrateful I sounded. Elsa probably couldn't afford a college education, and here I was, throwing it all away because I couldn't get my head straight.

And Elsa just seemed to understand. But she wanted to know more. What was my major? Which classes had I enjoyed? She was trying to figure me out, and here I was, a closed book. Hiding behind my cover page. So I told her I'd buckled over from the pressure, and spend most of my time practicing handball.

Elsa's eyes lit up with curiosity, her whole face was shining with it. What she found so interesting about me, I wouldn't know. I was a simple pale freckled red-haired girl with existential issues, having pancakes with a homeless beauty who I'd grinded my body up against to save from hypothermia.

"I majored in chemical engineering…" I explained, looking at my half-empty shake, "…with a minor in, um, creative writing."

Elsa's face was so charismatic. She was so good at expressing emotion, but at the same time, she was so difficult to read.

"Wow, that's a stretch. Practically opposites. I bet you only like one of them, am I right?"

"What makes you say that?" I challenged.

Was I really this predictable? Was I just another cliché, exhibiting the classic complications of parental expectations clashing with my own dreams and ambitions? Elsa shrugged, accepting the challenge. She was intelligent. Perhaps not in the academic way, I wouldn't know about that yet, but she definitely had some sort of social wisdom.

"You don't strike me like the engineering type. I was sure from the first moment I saw you, you were an artist or a writer, maybe a musician," the older girl stated surely. "So you're a writer?"

"No. I'm not a writer," I said, looking out the window. A pen and a piece of paper didn't make you a writer, just like a camera didn't make you a photographer.

The café became more and more deserted. It felt like Elsa and I were the only two people in the world at the moment.

I loved listening to her voice, loved looking at her beautiful posture. I wasn't sure why this entire conversation was centered around me, no offense, it should have been centered around Elsa. Perhaps it was because I didn't ask her any question, though it didn't seem like Elsa struggled with keeping the conversation going.

Admittedly, I was curious about her past, and her present state of living. But jumping into it with both feet seemed a bit insensitive. At least I could let the girl interrogate me before I could permit myself to ask questions.

"But you write?" She asked, but it was only a half question. It could somewhat be taken as a statement.

"I wrote," I corrected, now tapping my fingers on the table. Why couldn't I meet her eyes? I could look into those deep beautiful glacier blue orbs all day if she would let me, but right now, nothing she would say could make me meet her eyes.

"So, you stopped. Why?"

The blonde really wasn't holding back on the questions. Did I really seem that approachable? Perhaps my façade was better than I thought. I stirred in my seat, adjusting myself unnecessarily.

"Temporary mental blockage. Actually. Permanent, until proven otherwise," I replied, tapping my temple with my finger.

"What did you write about?" Elsa was still hungry with curiosity.

I used to love talking about my writing, but now… now it just reminded me of how lost and incompetent I was. How I would sit in front of the computer with an empty document displayed on the screen, and nothing would come out. That it was completely impossible for me to convert thoughts into words written on a line. It wasn't just a writer's block, those I'd suffered through countless of times. This was different. I couldn't remember the last time I'd written anything. I'd stopped doing school assignments because of that very reason. Not even scientific reports - where no hint of creativity was ever needed to be shown - could I make flow in a sequence of words.

"Everything…," I said sadly.

Writing had used to be my escape. I could write pages and pages about my trip to the grocery store, and still make it sound intriguing. It wasn't an understatement when I had said 'everything'. I would write poems, romances, short stories, fairy tales, reviews, letters – _everything_. My favorite thing for a long time was to describe short moments of my existence. Scenarios that I wouldn't experience again.

"I bet you're an amazing writer…"

I half-laughed at that comment. It seemed like the right thing to do, trying to empathize my disbelief.

"Why do you think that?"

"Because the quietest people often have the loudest minds," Elsa said with such certainty.

Her comment almost made my jaw drop. Elsa's voice didn't miss a beat. That's when I saw something in her. How unique she truly was. Like one of her hand carved snowflakes, with her own personal pattern.

"Stephen Hawking said that," she added.

We didn't discuss the writing matter any further. Elsa decided not to push. She saw my struggle. Silence settled upon us, and I saw my chance.

"What about you Elsa? What's your story?" I knew it was a broad question. But I thought it would make it easier for both Elsa and I. That way she could decide what she wanted me to know, instead of me pushing my way into her past.

Elsa leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table. For the first time in a while, I met her gaze. It was almost impossible not to get lost in her face.

"I'm surprised you didn't ask before. People usually don't burn in with their questions when I first meet them," Elsa smiled again, as if she was impressed by my lack of interest. "They can be rather… insensitive in the way they want to snoop around in my past. Judging because of some bad choices…"

"Your past doesn't define you. Bad choices or not," I stated surely, actually sounding the most sure I had in a long time.

"That may be, but it still happened," Elsa argued.

"But the past doesn't mean anything."

"And why is that?" She asked wondering.

"Because the past is in the past. It should remain there."

She seemed to understand where I was coming from, or maybe she just accepted it. Neither way, she continued hesitantly with her story.

"I was raised in an orphanage further up North. I've been in and out of foster care since I can remember," the girl spoke.

Her voice was strong and confident, like it was no big deal at all. I didn't say anything. We looked at each other again, and Elsa continued. "I ran away when I was seventeen. I stole my files, jumped on the first train that drove by, and didn't look back. I went to Arendelle to look for my parents, and have been here ever since."

Elsa quickly glanced out of the window, as if she was replaying everything all over again in her mind. So many questions went through my mind. Most, I wouldn't dare to ask. So I let Elsa choose what she wanted to tell me.

"One night I was sleeping under the bridge near Arendelle Library, you know the one next to the park. That's where Ofelia found me. She's the person I was waiting for the other night," Elsa explained, and I was surprised how open she was.

"She's practically like an older sister to me. She has… had it rough. We're currently living in one of the abandoned houses by the outskirts of Arendelle. The ones right next to the empty parking lot."

There were still many questions left unanswered, but Elsa seemed to naturally finish the story with her friend and her living arrangements. My curiosity was satisfied for now.

Elsa didn't seem embarrassed or ashamed at all. I liked that about her. She had nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes bad things just happen to good people, and there's nothing you can do about it. Again another contribution to my hypothesis that the world was a horrible place.

I went to the bathroom, and decided to pay on my way back to the table. I didn't want to risk the awkwardness of the waiter coming down to collect the money. Elsa already wasn't too happy that I was paying for her. When I returned, Elsa got up as I approached the table.

"I'm sorry, I gotta run," she said. "I… would love to do this again," Elsa said, a faint blush dusting over her cheeks. Then she reached over and kissed me on the cheek before giving me a tiny wave goodbye. The bell on the door rang as she exited, and I watched as she passed the window until she disappeared behind the corner.

My hand was rubbing the spot Elsa's lips had grazed my skin. It was tingling under my fingertips. What the hell was wrong with me? I couldn't recall ever having such sensation lingering on my skin. Perhaps only that one night Elsa spend the night….

Soon I noticed a tiny note left on the table next to my empty milkshake. It was written on a napkin, and spoke: "_Meet me tomorrow at the bottom of Corona Hill at four._"

Elsa was gone, and so was her booth as I exited Tiana's. I clutched the napkin close to my heart as I walked to my car.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I don't know if that's how the American college system works with minors and majors so just bear with me… And yes, I gender-bended Olaf.

Quote by Stephen Hawking, "the quietest people have the loudest minds."


	7. Slippery Slopes

**Chapter 7 – Slippery Slopes**

"Where were you the other night?" My mother asked.

Luckily, the question wasn't directed at me, but rather at my Aunt Susan. After all, I couldn't recall a night where I'd been home later than nine.

Aunt Susan shoved a spoonful of cornflakes into her mouth, and I took a sip of my tea while observing the two sisters in front of me. My mother shuffled around the kitchen, pouring me a glass of orange juice, for then to walk over and put a hand on my forehead to check my temperature.

"Nowhere, just strolling around town as usual," Aunt Susan said nonchalant. "Trying to get inspiration for my next piece," she added.

My mother seemed to accept her answer, but was definitely not supportive of Aunt Susan's casual life style. My mother was the type of person who needed to organize and plan everything, no room for spontaneous events. She was the type of person who _liked_ rules and liked having guidelines to follow, instead of creating her own. The two sisters in front of me couldn't be more different. If it wasn't for their freakishly similar appearances, you would have never guessed they were related.

Aunt Susan popped a foot up on the chair next to her, and my mother shot her a look, which my aunt of course ignored.

"What are you up to today Anna-bear?"

I wasn't going to say that I was meeting Elsa, at least not in front of my mother. So I went with a white lie. White lies are acceptable, as long as they are only white lies.

"I'm driving over to see Sven around four today, he asked if I could help him write a letter of recommendation." See, that wasn't so bad. White lies couldn't hurt once in a while.

"Really?" My mother suddenly uttered. "You're going to see a friend? Anna that's wonderful!"

Maybe even white lies could raise false hope… but my mother was happy, so I guess it wasn't completely terrible. However, Aunt Susan saw right through me per usual. She just smiled lightly as she put her cup of coffee to her lips. It wouldn't surprise me if she took the hint of rebellion as a good sign.

I finished my breakfast quickly, desperately needing to get away from the two women. Their insane personality contrasts gave me a headache, and sometimes it was hard to be in a room with both of them for too long. Luckily, the phone rang, and my mother reached over to answer it.

Aunt Susan took the opportunity to reach over and swat me on the shoulder while wiggling her eyebrows. Of course she knew I was going to see Elsa later than afternoon. My mother's voice was cheery as she spoke to the person at the other end. After a few minutes, she handed the phone to me.

"Anna it's your brother," she said, not even questioning whether I wanted to answer it or not. With my mother, there was no choice.

I snatched the phone from her grasp, and exited the kitchen. Often times, conversations between my brother and I was best not overheard by any of our parents. I pressed the phone to my ear, and Hans started speaking as soon as he heard me sigh heavily.

"Hey Fucktard." Example one: stupid nicknames. "How are things?" He asked in his usual chipper, but arrogant tone of voice.

My brother was three years older than me. A real star. Like, the golden star of the family. Hans attended college a few hours away, one of the most prestigious schools in the state. He was the quarterback in high school, and had received a football scholarship to the College of the Southern Isles.

Hans was a troublemaker though. I'm not saying I wasn't when I was younger, but Hans took the price. We used to cover for each other, always having each other's backs. Truth was, he could be a real dick sometimes. He was my brother, so I had to love him, I guess. But Hans was genuinely a good guy.

"Things are alright I guess," I mumbled.

"You don't sound alright," he stated, not particularly concerned.

"But I am," I insisted.

"Are you still going through that depressed phase thing?"

Hans was pretty much straight to the point.

"I don't know," I answered him.

I honestly didn't know. Was this even a phase? How dared he to call it a phase? He had no idea what was going on with me. Hans was busy being the star athlete and impress our parents. Living up to society's standards like any other puzzle piece on this planet. I wish more people were like Aunt Susan. She just didn't give a rat's ass.

"Why can't you just stop being sad and get your shit together? Seriously Anna, this is getting kinda old. Honestly, I thought that Dr. Hudson would've fixed you up by now," Hans said in one of those tones that usually would have my blood boiling with anger.

I knew better than anyone that this wasn't something you just 'fixed'. People simply couldn't get it into their thick skulls that that wasn't how things worked. My mother expected me to have showed at least some sort of progress after one or two sessions. Like I was some file that was loading on the computer, describing the onward progress of the upload. It was a sort of pressure I didn't need. The pressure to get better, and do it fast.

"I don't exactly choose to be unhappy Hans. No sane person would choose this for themselves," my voice was stern, though not with much emotion.

"If you say so," he replied, clearly ready to change to topic. Ten bucks he was going to make it about him. "Hey look I need a favor."

I sighed again. Of course he needed a favor.

"What do you need?"

"A hundred bucks."

"No way in hell Hans. You aren't borrowing any more of my money. You still haven't paid me from the last time."

If there was one thing Hans had taught me, it was to say no. I'd gotten pretty good at it.

"Come on, its not like you're using your college fond anyway," he laughed.

Ouch. That one hurt. I knew he wasn't referring to my scholarship, and that it had been paying for everything. He was merely reminding me I was a college dropout, and the new family disappointment. That the money now had even less purpose than before. That even if I hadn't received the handball scholarship, there would be no reason to pay for college because I'd dropped out anyway.

"The answer is no Hans."

No way in hell he was touching my college fond. Those were my money. I'd walked too many dogs, babysat too many annoying brats, delivered too many newspapers, worked too many late nights at my dad's office to come up with that money. And since I unexpectedly received my handball scholarship, I suddenly had money on my hand. And they were to be spend wisely. On what, I didn't know yet.

"Come on, help me out. Look, I'm just in a tiny bit of gambling dept. You can't tell mom and dad," he begged.

"No Hans, you need to figure this out yourself."

He groaned loudly in the other end of the phone. I was sitting on the couch now, fiddling with a loose string on one of my mother's precious designer pillows.

"Whatever Fucktard, I gotta go," my brother said. The call disconnected.

That was usually how our conversations progressed. He would call whenever he needed something, make me feel horrible for saying no, and then forget about his family for another two weeks until he needed something again.

Luckily for me, guilt was not a part of my emotional availability, so Hans' unnecessary guilt trip had no effect. I just wish it wasn't like that with him.

I looked around our house, picked up one of the baby pictures of Hans and I. We were in our swimsuits, Hans on my father's shoulders, and me in my mother's embrace. I looked around the living room, and back at the picture. The photo seemed so foreign to me, as if I had no idea who these people was.

This place, this household, hadn't felt like a family in a long time.

* * *

><p>It was 04:03 pm. I was standing at the bottom of Corona hill, freezing my cute buttocks off. A thick layer of clouds were draped over the city. There was snow on the hill, most of it pressed flat from people climbing the slope.<p>

I checked the time again and looked around for Elsa. Everything was so white. I hugged my arms closely around my body, and walked back and forth, trying to the get blood flowing in my cold feet. The place was deserted. Just the sound of the wind rustling the trees dominated, ruffling some of the snow from the branches, making it land with a small _thud_ on the ground.

At once, I felt a tap on my shoulder. When I turned around, I saw Elsa. She was smiling at me. As always. She was wearing a thick scarf and the jacket I gave her. Her pale skin made her resemble an angel as she stood in the snowy landscape.

"I'm glad you came," Elsa said. "Honestly, I wasn't sure you would show up. I'm sorry I'm late."

Wasn't sure whether I would show up? The thought almost made me snort. I was positive it would have been the other way around. That Elsa had realized how sad and boring I was, and settled upon the fact that this wasn't an optimal idea. Because maybe she was soon to realize that I wouldn't be able to contribute much to this relationship.

"Of course I came, why wouldn't I?" I asked in disbelief that the thought had even crossed her mind.

She hesitated, looking at me warily, never letting her smile falter.

"No reason," she stated, "maybe you had better things to do."

If by 'better things' she meant watching the same episode of Teen Wolf and arguing with my mother, then yes. I definitely did have better things to do.

"Should we go?" The blonde asked suddenly, pulling me away from my thoughts.

"Where?" I asked dumbly.

"To the top of course," Elsa laughed. Her smiled reached her eyes, and they were shining even brighter than usual. It was truly mesmerizing.

We walked to the top of Corona Hill. Elsa's arm was hooked in mine, and we supported each other while walking over some particularly slippery places.

"Damn ice, always trying to kill you," I mumbled as my shoes lost their grip of the surface and I nearly went tumbling. Elsa giggled. Her laugh was so pure and perfect. Her cheeks were a little red, I wouldn't know if it was from the biting cold, or if she was actually blushing.

"How old are you Anna?" Elsa asked glancing at me with those blue orbs of hers.

"Twenty," I stated flatly, "and you?" I hated that I couldn't sound more excited or interested. But I truly was interested in the mystery that was Elsa…Elsa… what was her last name?

"Turning twenty-two this December," she answered chipper.

Twenty-two. I guess I hadn't been completely off when estimating her age.

"What's your last name if you don't mind me asking," was my following question.

Elsa laughed again, revealing those beautiful white teeth of hers. They were like rows of pearls, lined up in utter perfection.

"I don't mind you asking Anna," the girl laughed, "you can ask me anything." She meant. I could see it in her eyes. "And my last name is Silver."

Elsa Silver. It had a nice ring to it. It was quiet for a moment. The snow wasn't deep, but it was still quite a stretch uphill, and I would be lying if I said my calves wasn't burning at that moment. For a moment I saw an opportunity. Elsa had just told me I could ask her anything, right? Well, one question had been burning in my mind since yesterday.

I looked Elsa deep in the eye, and she was surprised by the seriousness in my gaze.

"Elsa… did you ever find your parents?" I asked.

Blue eyes suddenly didn't want to meet mine anymore. Elsa's eyes dropped, and fell to the ground.

"I did…" she replied quietly.

I looked at her, my eyes evident with surprise. She breathed in deep, releasing a loud exhale. The corner of her lips tugged upwards just the tiniest. It was a sad smile.

"… In the cemetery," Elsa's voice was small, but she was brave enough to continue. "It wasn't in the files I'd stolen from the orphanage. They died later, after they'd given me up for adoption. They, um…," Elsa looked too ashamed to continue, but she still did. "They were both junkies. Died of an overdose when I was seven. I guess they wanted to spare me the life of a dysfunctional family… I'm just not sure if the alternative was better… but I never would have met Ofelia if things hadn't taken its course. For that I'm grateful."

I regretted asking now. But again, I felt like it was important to know. Elsa was a mystery to me, and she was slowly unraveling in front of me. Elsa was so brave. She saw past the darkness, and chose to believe her parents wanted the best for her. That they had tried to provide her with a better life than what they could've given her.

My legs were hurting now.

"So you play handball?" Elsa's voice tore me from the thought of my burning muscles. I nodded. She clearly wanted to break the silence, and change the topic.

"Yeah, I've been playing since I was six…," I stated.

Elsa looked me up and down.

"Yeah, I can see that. You have a nice body Anna. And a beautiful face."

I nearly stopped walking. Elsa, the most gorgeous human being on the planet thought I had a nice body.

"T-thank you," I said, "you, er, you're just gorgeous Elsa. Really," my hand flew back to scratch the back of my head.

She smiled at that. As if she had never had anybody tell her she was gorgeous before. Someone like Elsa needed to be told that every day. I wouldn't mind telling her every day if I was rewarded with such a smile each time.

We made it to the top. The hill provided a good view over the entire city, apart from the low hanging clouds making the outskirts of town appear foggy and distant. I stood and enjoyed the view for a moment, until I noticed Elsa wandering off. I followed her hesitantly.

"Don't you just love the sound?" Elsa asked as she walked. Our feet made that lovely crunchy sound for each footstep in the fresh snow. Then she leaned her head back, and closed her eyes, while stretching her arms out to her sides. As if she was pretending to be a bird.

I nodded, not sure if I'd ever really paid much attention the sound. Elsa took in a deep breath through her nose. She looked so free.

The blonde dropped her arms, and looked at me, smiling broadly. It was a mischievous smirk, as if she was a child getting caught in something she wasn't supposed to be doing.

"Are you ready?" She asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Ready for what?" I asked confused.

Elsa just kept smiling at me and pulled out two large trash bags from under her coat. She handed me one, and I took it doubtingly.

"You've never done this?" Elsa questioned. I shook my head, still standing engrossed in confusion.

The older girl sat down on the ground, on her trash bag, and patted the ground next to her, inviting me to join her. We were sitting rather close, our shoulders brushing against each other.

"Slide Anna," Elsa laughed as she saw my hesitancy.

"Pardon?" My eyes widened.

"Slide. Come on, you can do it," she grinned.

The hill wasn't too steep, but sitting on a damn trash bag made the slope seem like a vertical surface. Though, I couldn't help but admire Elsa. For people who couldn't afford a sledge, this definitely was creative. I liked how she didn't let formalities hold her back.

I exhaled loudly, and pushed off with my feet. Elsa followed suit, and soon we gliding down the hill. The wind was blowing in my hair, and I felt a rush in my stomach. Sure, my butt was a bit cold, and would probably be sore tomorrow from the lack of support of the plastic bag. We were both flying through the air, picking up more speed. Elsa laughed, a bubbly kind of laugh. I was shocked to find myself laughing as well.

We were headed towards the large snowbank at the end of the hill, both with tremendous speed. I barely had time to think before we both crashed into the small mountain of snow.

I landed on top of Elsa, the trash bags long gone, dispersed to a now non-existent land far away. Or maybe just taken by the wind. The older girl was laying underneath me, and I couldn't help but smile a little bit at her. None of us were hurt, and I had to admit, that was the most fun I'd had in ages.

Soon Elsa's laughter died out, and it was like she suddenly realized the position we were laying in. I don't know why I didn't get off of her, honestly I didn't want to, but I should have. The older girls' look was suddenly so serious. It was like she was seeing me for the first time all over again. Those pink soft-looking lips of hers just stared right at me, and I wanted to keep them warm with my own lips pressed down on hers.

My face was hovering over hers, and we locked eyes.

"You can kiss me if you want to," the blonde whispered, and her gaze fell to my lips, and then back to my eyes.

I wanted to kiss her.

Slowly, I leaned down and captured her lips with mine. I was right. Her lips were soft. Probably the softest thing I'd ever witnessed. Elsa's lips danced under mine, and it was just perfect. I slipped a hand up under her head, having her head resting in my palm, so she wouldn't get cold from the snow.

We laid there, kissing. I don't know for how long, but for a long time. It became even better when Elsa slipped her tongue past my lips, and entered my mouth. She even tasted good. She tasted heavenly. Our bodies were pressed together, trapping the heat between us.

When we finally pulled apart, we looked at each other with hooded eyes. I wanted to kiss her again. I wanted to kiss her all the time. She deserved to be kissed all the time. I leaned down to kiss her again, and she kissed me back eagerly. I could kiss her all day, but it was getting dark and cold. Elsa's smiling face would be plastered in the back of my mind for the rest of the day. Hopefully also for the rest of the night.

I came home with a weird feeling. That's right, a _feeling_. It was a good feeling though. Wonderful even. For the first time in forever, I opened the drawer to my desk and found my notebook. It was dusty and the pages were stiff from the lack of use.

I traced a finger over the old coffee stain on the cover - from the time I used to drink coffee; maybe even closer to survived on the muddy drink.

I grabbed my beloved pen, sat down, and started to write. The words were flowing. It was as if I had never stopped.


	8. Crystal Meth

**Chapter 8 – Crystal Meth**

It was no secret I wrote about Elsa. The words seemed to come easy when I thought of her. I wanted to write everything about her. Describe her down to every detail so even the blind would get a clear vision her. Like how her hair would wave in the wind, brushing her bangs back even further. Or how her curvy figure and long slim legs could make any man (or woman) swoon by the sight. I wrote about how her lips had felt on mine. Still, I had to replay the kiss in my head to convince myself it was real. Who knew, it might just have been my mind pulling one on me.

The words were plastered upon the clean piece of paper, like a spray can out of control. Perhaps this chaotic mass of words could be closely resembled to verbal diarrhea, but either way, I continued on about how Elsa's blue eyes reminded me of the same shade of blue as Heisenberg's crystal meth (I said I started writing again, I didn't say it was good. Yet.)

I went to bed that night with a feeling of some sort of accomplishment. I'd produced something today. Perhaps ten written pages about the homeless girl on the corner of the street next to Tiana's couldn't be counted as productive. But for me it was. Because I realized Elsa wasn't just 'the poor girl on the street who made ice roses'. She was so much more. She was everything.

As I was laying on my back, the room now pitch black, I was feeling my lips. They felt different. They had been kissed. It wasn't that I hadn't kissed before, I'd done plenty of kissing. But none of the kisses seemed to linger like Elsa's.

It was a bizarre feeling. I felt strange. Peculiar. But good. Definitely good. Amazing.

I suddenly wasn't so tired anymore. Physically, yes, I was exhausted. My butt was sore and my limbs were aching. But mentally, I felt light. For once, I didn't want to go to sleep because I didn't want this day to end. I was scared that I would wake up the next morning and these feelings would be gone.

But knowing that I would see Elsa again soon, made it easier to drift off.

* * *

><p>"You know," I stated, rolling down the window, "I'm fully capable of driving myself to handball practice."<p>

I looked out the window observing how the town would fly by in a blur. We drove by Tiana's, and I was disappointed to see Elsa wasn't sitting by her corner. It was probably too early.

Aunt Susan laughed as she made a left turn by the intersection. She was awfully chipper despite the fact that it was half past seven in the morning.

"I'm very aware of how capable you are of many things Anna," she chuckled. "You've really grown up," she added glancing at me proudly. I didn't like that look. She had nothing to be proud of honestly. I wasn't something to be proud of.

"Besides, I wanted to spend time with you," Aunt Susan smiled, and patted me on the knee. "How are things with Snowflake-girl?"

"How'd you…?"

"Oh please Anna, did you really expect me to believe you would spend your day helping Sven out with a letter of recommendation? I may be old, but I'm not stupid."

"You're not old…"

"Why thank you," Aunt Susan giggled, but still saying it in the most sarcastic of ways. "You're avoiding my question though. How's Elsa?"

"Elsa's fine, thank you for asking, can we change the topic please?" I asked perhaps a little frustrated that Aunt Susan wouldn't give me a break.

"Alright, suit yourself Feisty-pants, but I'm still here if you want to talk," she smiled at me. That god forsaken awesome smile Aunt Susan always mustered. "I'm happy to see you've lightened up a bit…" she started. "After all your mom has told me, I was scared you'd completely given up. Do you still see Dr. Hudson?"

"Yeah, I still see him…"

"Have you considered meds?"

"Christ, you too?"

"No, no, don't worry. Your mother just mentioned that you were quite opposed to the idea. I don't blame you, and I support your choice Anna, truly, I do. But I also want to see you getting better. I know this isn't something you can just fix. This stuff takes time," Aunt Susan shrugged, as if what she was stating the most obvious of things in the world.

It was nice to hear someone actually getting it.

"I wish you could try and make mom understand that…" I mumbled grumpily.

"I did. She's not convinced though. She only wants the best for you Anna…" Aunt Susan said.

There was no doubt that my mother cared, and Aunt Susan knew that. My mom just didn't know what to do, which left her as more of a pain in the ass than a help.

It was silent between us as we were holding for a red light. The light turned yellow for the crossing lane, but a bus made it just in time before the light changed.

"Do you ever wonder about that?" I asked, not knowing what came over me. The light in front of us turned green, and Aunt Susan stepped on the gas.

"About what?" She asked, checking her rear-mirror.

I hesitated. I wasn't sure whether I was ready to present an idea. Usually, that followed by defending said idea, and I didn't know if I had the energy or motivation for that.

"That that could just have changed everyone's life. If that bus hadn't made it, maybe it changed the life of everybody on the bus," I said quietly.

"How so?" She asked, though it didn't seem like a question. The older woman most likely already knew the answer. Aunt Susan seemed to know where this was going, she merely wanted me to elaborate – probably more for my sake than her own.

"Well, if someone didn't make their next bus, or came too early for their train," _or if someone knocked over a jar of pennies_, I thought. "I just wonder how a life could change by such a small informality is all…" I shrugged the idea off, as if it was the stupidest thing I'd ever heard. It was too abstract of a thought to muster for me at that moment.

"Write about it," Aunt Susan stated determinedly. Her voice was light. If a voice could sound like a goofy dance, Aunt Susan would have such tone of voice.

"It's not that easy. And it's probably done before," I mumbled pessimistically.

"Not by you," Aunt Susan argued, smirking at me victoriously.

I didn't feel like putting in more effort to shoot down the idea any further. Aunt Susan was skilled with words, like, Anakin-Skywalker-with-a light-saber-skilled. And she wouldn't hesitate to cut off someone's hand if she believed in the idea, just like Anakin didn't hesitate in cutting off Luke's hand.

We reached the stadium, and a hint of panic rose within me. I wanted to run. Simply run away, as far away from the court as possible. Aunt Susan and I entered, and immediately observed that practice had already started. It had never been a courtesy on Aunt Susan's behalf to be on time. I didn't mind, Aunt Susan had already successfully cut part of my practice short. For that, I couldn't be anything but thankful.

Aunt Susan was sitting on the bench, currently checking her phone. She looked tough in her leather jacket. Her lovely wavy brown hair was draped over her shoulders, and her green eyes were observing the screen intensely. She looked like she could definitely entertain herself throughout the duration of our practice.

Our coach blew the whistle, and we all gathered at the center of the court. We split into two teams and changed shirts accordingly. I was on the green team along with Belle and a bunch of others. Time passed doing drills and whatnot until the actual practice match began. I was already nice and sweaty, but it felt good, as if all the toxics were working their way out. But I'd rather run a marathon than to stay one more second on that lousy court.

Belle tossed me the ball as we were dribbling up the court, ready to try to break the other team's defense. Our coach yelled out a few technical prospects of our game, which I decided to ignore. I was in the zone, and too far gone to listen to any kinds of instructions. The other team proved a worthy fight.

As I was running down the court, I wondered what would happen if I sudden were to trip. _If I broke my leg right now, I'd probably be excused from practice for a couple of months… _I thought. Honestly, I didn't know where that thought had come from. _What the fuck brain?_ However, the thought of intentionally hurting myself to get to be on bed rest for an unknown amount of time suddenly sounded so appealing to me. I was already picturing myself in a hospital bed, simply proscribed to do nothing.

I ran towards the wall of girls who aggressively protected their goal, and pretended to try to penetrate their defense. However, instead of throwing myself in between my counter players, I passed the ball to Belle in the last second, and let myself swallow by the defending team while Belle scored a goal. I felt a strike of victory for a short second, something I'd missed by playing. The feeling was quickly swallowed by the black whole in my heart, where all positive emotions ended up. I enjoyed the slight rush of adrenaline, that is, until the elbow collided with my face.

I fell to the ground, landing hard on my shoulder. Blood was already gushing out my nose before I hit the ground, and I doubtfully looked like a fresh murder victim as the red liquid was pretty much everywhere.

"Oh goodness Anna, I'm so sorry!" Alice exclaimed as she came to my aid. The game had stopped, and people were rushing towards me. Soon the entire team was standing around me, looking down upon my frail figure as I was trying to figure out what was up and down.

"Give her some space ladies," our coach said as he approached. He pulled me up by the elbow and I quickly found my feet, although dizziness submerged me.

"I'm so sorry Anna, I didn't mean to…," Alice kept apologizing. I simply raised a hand, indicating all was forgiven. It was clearly an accident.

The blood was gushing out my nose, and pain had made its presence. It felt _good._ I felt it stronger than anything. It was almost like a high. Although I was still high on Elsa's kiss to some extent, nothing beat pain. Pain always demanded to be felt, as John Green would say, no matter how numb you were. Judge me all you want, but I enjoyed the pounding in my face, and the stinging in my nose, along with the soreness that followed.

Obviously, with all the blood, it looked worse than it was. But I couldn't deny myself the opportunity to escape practice. I know how hypocritical this may seem, since I've made it clear how much I hate pretending to feel certain things that I don't. But I'm sure I just did what everybody would have done had they been in my situation.

The coach handed me more tissue papers - since the ones currently pressed to my face were already blood-soaked - and told me to go home. Aunt Susan was already standing with my duffle bag over her shoulder, and stood ready to guide me to the car. Her face displayed worry, and she held a tight grip around me. I could hardly see where I was going since I was instructed to lean my head back.

Finally, I was sitting in the passenger seat, and Aunt Susan pulled out of the parking lot, away from the schools' sports stadium. Relief rushed over me, and I felt lighter. No more practice until tomorrow. If a bloody nose could get me out of a day of practice, imagine how long a broken leg could keep me away.

I rolled down the window to get some fresh air. The air was crisp, and biting me cheeks.

"Keep leaning your head back Anna, you're still bleeding," Aunt Susan instructed. "Your mom is gonna have a fit…" she mumbled tiredly under her breath.

I shrugged, knowing it was true.

We didn't say much during the remainder of the ride. Aunt Susan cranked up for the stereo, and _White Stripes_ blasted from the speakers. I was tired again, and the music did little to wake me up. We passed the supermarket, and Tiana's and Elsa's corner. But I was too exhausted to look for the blonde.

"You can sleep Sweet-pea, just don't choke on your own blood," Aunt Susan teased, but clearly meant that I was allowed to black out, and drift off to sleep. So I did.

* * *

><p>I woke up in my bed. Aunt Susan must have carried me. I could only imagine the expression on my mother's face as Aunt Susan must've carried me through the living room, all bloody and unconscious. How she had managed to talk her way out of that one without waking me remained a mystery to me. But like I said, she was a Jedi with words.<p>

The room was dark when I awoke, and it was already past dinnertime. I had slept all day. My nose was sore, and still a bit red. I walked to the kitchen, where I found my mom putting on earrings.

"Oh Honey you're up. Are you feeling better?" She asked, frantically walking around the kitchen adjusting her clothes.

I nodded and shrugged before grabbing an apple from the counter and sinking my teeth into it. The older woman took a second to inspect my face, and planted a kiss on my forehead. Admittedly, it felt nice.

"Your dad and I are going to a dinner thing; we won't be home too late. You and Susan can just order some pizza if you're hungry," she said in her best motherly voice.

Her heels sounded loud against the wooden floor.

"There's ice cream in the fridge, but don't tell your dad, you know how he gets before a big game," she fuzzed.

I observed her as she took in her reflection in the mirror behind the door. She was brushing some hair behind her ear, and redid her lipstick. It was good to see her out of her apron. After she'd done her lipstick she rushed around the kitchen, grabbing the last of her things.

"Mom…" I said.

It was as if she snapped out of her frantic zone of preparation, and gave me her undivided attention.

"Yes Honey?" She answered, her eyes awake with curiosity.

I hesitated.

"You look nice," I stated, genuinely thinking my mother looked absolutely stunning.

"T-thank you," my mother replied. The expression on her face could hardly be described. It was a mixture of shyness and gratefulness. She smiled at me, and gave me a peck on the cheek. "Don't forget to eat," were her final words before she left out the door with her arm hooked in my father's arm.

"Hurry Anna, get the booze!" Aunt Susan yelled just before the front door closed. She laughed at my mother's warning look, and strolled over to pick up the pizza take-out menu.

We ordered way too much food, and watched a bad horror movie. I was thankful we didn't watch a comedy, I wasn't in the mood to pretend to laugh.

After the film I took a long hot shower. It was difficult to get the heat flowing through my system, so I thought a shower might help warm me up. Goosebumps covered every inch of my skin. The water was hot, just on the edge of scolding.

Finally, I pulled on an oversized sweater and my favorite pair skinny jeans. I thought I needed to wear my favorite-something. Wasn't that what usually made people feel good? Wearing their favorite-something?

I laid flatly on my back slouched out on my bed. Music was playing from the speakers by my computer. My eyes were closed, and I was wishing myself away. Perhaps to a far-away land where sadness didn't exist. A land where the word 'responsibility' was not known to man. Simply a land where people had a mutual understanding of each other. Money was banned on these lands, and love was accepted in all shapes and sizes – encouraged even. A place where weapons of mass destruction wasn't even invented because the citizens of this land couldn't even hurt a fly. A universe where it was impossible to be sad for no reason, but if you were to be sad, it acknowledged as a flaw in chemistry, not character.

Even the thought of my own personal utopia couldn't bring a feeling of satisfaction or joy upon me. Perchance, the thought even evoked more sadness and hopelessness, since such lands didn't exist. Lucky for me, a tap on my window tore me from my imaginary world. Another tap sounded. It was as if something was bouncing off of the glass.

Lazily, I rose from my bed and walked to the window. And right there, on our front yard, stood Elsa, throwing tiny rocks at my window. The darkness nearly swallowed Elsa whole, but those platinum blonde locks stood out in the darkness and could hardly be mistaken. That was Elsa alright.

I opened the window and leaned on my palms in the window frame.

"Hey," Elsa whispered like the sneaky little creature she was.

"Hi Elsa," I said nonchalant with a bit of confusion in my voice, "what are you doing here?"

I made an effort to make my question sound casual. The last thing I wanted was to make Elsa feel unwelcome.

"You busy?" She asked, still in a shushed voice. Obviously, she had no idea my parents weren't home. Good to know she wasn't a complete stalker. I shook my head in response.

"Good. I'm coming up," the blonde stated boldly, and started climbing the tree. You should have seen the determination on her face. Elsa was highly convinced she could climb that tree. The same tree that had made me realize how real gravity indeed was. That tree had saved me from a lot of scolding when I came home drunk from the lame cliché high school parties. Only one night I proved that alcohol and gravity from great heights wasn't such a great match, thanks the ol' oak by my window. Ergo, I couldn't risk the old oak pulling the same stunt on Elsa, as he had broken off one of his branches just as I was reached for the window one time.

"Don't you dare go all Twilight on me," I announced with a hint of urgency. "You can use the front door. Just give me a sec."

Elsa smiled and stepped away from the tree. Thereafter she stuck her hands in the pockets of her blue jacket and walked towards the front door. Not thirty seconds later I stood in front of the blonde. I pulled her inside and placed my pointer finger to my lips. Elsa's eyes shot over to observe the snoring Aunt Susan, with limbs dangling in all sorts of awkward directions, on the couch.

Quietly we climbed the stairs until we could safely shut the door firmly to my room. I leaned against the door as I watched Elsa remove her jacket and pick up a picture frame on my nightstand. It was a picture of Hans and I. It was taken at Hans' graduation ceremony a few years ago. I'd stolen his hat and diploma, posing goofily with the items as Hans was trying to reach over and snatch it.

"Sorry for dropping by like this," Elsa said, still observing the picture. She let a pale slender finger slide over the glass. "But I wanted to make sure you were okay," she continued.

I was still leaning against the door, creating an awkwardly large amount of distance between us. As if I was afraid I'd jump the older girl any second. It wasn't because I was actually afraid I'd attack Elsa in a wild frenzy of lust – that surely wasn't the case. Nonetheless, I didn't trust myself – in any way, not just in relation to my sexual deprivation. I knew it was quite sudden that I liked girls, it was as if it had happened overnight. Actually, didn't it happen almost overnight? However, I wasn't so sure I was gay. No, I knew I liked _Elsa_. That's all I knew.

Nonetheless, I couldn't deny how sexy I found Elsa. A girl's body had never spoken strongly to me in that way. I was happy to realize that at least all my primal instincts were still working. That no matter how numb I felt, my sex-drive was at least still there.

"I saw your Aunt driving you home this morning," Elsa put down the picture and stepped towards me. "You know, you really scared me with all the blood gushing out your nose. Who'd you piss off?" She asked smiling half teasing, half worried.

I shrugged, crossing the room to turn down the music that was still playing. It wasn't loud; I guess I just didn't know what to do. Elsa stepped closer. The way Elsa had approached me freaked me out. What if she wanted me to kiss her again? I mean, I wanted nothing more than to kiss her, but it wouldn't be fair to her. Getting her hopes up for something as hopeless as me. That wouldn't be fair.

"You shrug a lot, don't you?" the blonde teased again. I shrugged again (totally unintentionally, I swear.) Elsa rolled her eyes. "Anyway, I came to check if you were alright… you know, you can't just drive by my booth looking like someone just tried to knock your teeth out. At least give a tiny wave saying 'hey Elsa, yeah I'm alright, don't worry about the gallons of blood currently gushing out of my nose!'"

"It was just an elbow to the face… it's not big deal…" I said hesitantly.

Two long strides and the older girl suddenly stood in front of me, smiling a sweet innocently smile. Her thumb then came up and gently caressed my sore red nose. It hurt a little, but I didn't complain. It was as if my two drugs collided. The high I got from Elsa and the high I got from the pain clashed together.

"I'm glad to see you're okay…," she whispered in my lack of response. The blonde kissed me ever so gently on the tip of my nose, and turned around walking back towards the nightstand. She picked up the picture once again. What her fascination with it was still unknown to me.

"Who's this in the picture?" She asked, holding it so carefully, as if it was the most precious thing she owned. Her hands were so elegant, her motions so smooth and fluent, as if she could create magic with her hands.

"Oh that's my brother," I answered casually. Elsa hummed by my response, like it was obvious to her who the man in the picture was. Maybe it was, seeing Hans and I had the same fiery red hair going.

"He looks nice," she added. "Who's the other person?"

That comment had me thrown off guard. There was only two people in that picture, one already being established as my brother. Elsa's question actually had me feel a bit sad. She really couldn't recognize me?

"What…?" I said hurt, "Elsa, that's me… I mean, it's taken a few years ago but…"

"I know it's you Anna," she said quietly. Her voice was gentle. "But what happened to that girl?"

Of course Elsa had known it was me all along, I was stupid to think otherwise. Elsa was smart, and clever and observant.

"…. She's gone." My voice was firm. Elsa wanted an answer, and she got an answer. "In fact… she left around a year ago," I walked towards Elsa, took the picture from her grip, and put it in the drawer of my nightstand.

We looked at each other for a little while. Elsa's eyes were stern never letting her gaze falter. She saw right through my defensiveness. Then she did something I hadn't expected. Her arms grabbed me around the waist and she pulled me closer. Elsa was embracing me, hugging me tightly to her. It took some time for me to return the hug. I thought she was mad, when it turns out Elsa understood. Or at least accepted it. She didn't try to force the words out of me like Dr. Hudson. Elsa's technique was 'let her come to me,' giving me all the space I needed.

The hug lasted a while. I breathed in her scent and she smelled just like she did that night in my bed. I realized Elsa hadn't been in my room since that day. It was me who broke the hug. Elsa gave me as much time as I needed, refusing to be the first to break it, in case I needed more.

The blonde then turned to my computer. She was typing, clearly knowing what she was looking for.

"What're you doing?" I asked, trying my best to sound chipper.

"Finding a song."

"What's wrong with the music playing now?" I questioned.

"Anna, your most played song is called 'Sadness is a Blessing.' And we're not going to dance to that," Elsa stated as it was the most obvious thing on the planet. Her fingers kept darting over the keyboard.

"It's a good song!" I argued, "If you were to give it a chance- wait, who said anything about dancing?"

"I did," Elsa said smiling.

"No way. I don't dance."

"But dancing is good for the soul," she reasoned.

"I'm not dancing."

"So you won't dance with me?" She quirked an eyebrow.

The mixture of teasing and longing in Elsa's voice had me shut up. She had me wrapped around her little finger, and she didn't even know it. The blonde reached over, and pressed play, for only moments later to have a deep voice accompanied by a guitar sound from the speakers. The beat was moderately slow, and I was thankful Elsa hadn't put on some ridiculous pop song on.

"I-I'm… I-I mean, I don't…," I was stumbling over the words like a complete moron. The older girl giggled.

"It's okay. Here," Elsa grabbed my hands. "Just place your hands on my hips, and," she took a step forward, "come closer."

I felt her breath tingle my nose. She started moving her hips, moving my hands along with them. Elsa clutched two hands around my neck, swaying me along to the beat. Elsa felt good against me, and the song was catchy and calming. Elsa was a good dancer. That her body was so insanely beautiful probably contributed immensely to that fact.

She didn't mind me swaying lazily. Honestly, I barely moved, but it was a start. I never was much for dancing. The song faded out and silence fell upon the room. But we kept dancing. It was so calming. Our foreheads rested against each other, and Elsa had closed her eyes. It would still be a couple of more seconds before the next song would come on. I took the time to kiss her.

She was surprised to feel my lips on hers, and her eyes had fluttered open, for only to shut them again. Elsa got into the kiss, and so did I. Neither of us realized the next song was already playing. It was very upbeat, and somehow sounded much louder from the speakers than the first one.

My tongue slipped past Elsa's lips to meet hers. They greeted each other in a dance of their own. It was hard for me to breath. There was just something about Elsa that left me breathless.

We broke apart, and Elsa rested her forehead against mine again.

"Does the air seem a bit thin to you?" I whispered quietly.

The blonde giggled, planting another kiss on my lips. A knock then sounded on the door, and not two seconds later, Aunt Susan hung in the doorway.

"Anna could you turn down the-" Aunt Susan stopped midsentence when she saw Elsa. I stared at her in panic, completely frozen to the spot.

Aunt Susan wiggled her eyebrows followed by a knowing look and a mischievous smirk. She closed the door without a word. Elsa's face was bright red, her cheeks burning with embarrassment. It was kind of adorable.

* * *

><p>The song they were dancing to was "Budapest" by Georg Ezra.<p>

Quote: "Depression is a flaw of chemistry, not of character"

Also, I name these chapters completely randomly. Lol.


	9. Tick Tock

**Chapter 9 – Tick Tock**

The following weeks Elsa and I spend a lot of time together. It was nice getting out of the house. Every hour I spend with her was the highlight of that day. As if Elsa pulled me out of the never-ending vortex of numbness the short amount of time we spend together. We had pancakes at Tiana's twice a week now. It was always a battle to get to pay for Elsa. But in the end I would always end up doing so, most of the time whenever she wasn't looking.

Elsa still didn't look entirely comfortable in the casual café setting. As if she didn't belong. Like she thought her clothes were too ragged, or her hands were too dirty. But I'd never seen perfection like I saw in Elsa. Like how her dainty hands would wrap gracefully around the straw of her chocolate milkshake. Sure was a lucky straw. How she would cover her mouth whenever she was laughing too hard. How straight she always sat.

Elsa and I had stayed in my room and listened to music the night she almost climbed the tree outside my window. We would both lay flat on our backs, staring into the ceiling. The music was calming, and there hadn't been an urge to talk. Our feet dangled off the bed. Our shoulders were touching, but that was it. That is, until we both noticed our hands were nearly touching. Without much thought, Elsa took my hand in hers.

We were just lying there, listening to music and holding hands. I couldn't recall the last time I'd held someone's hand. For some reason it was calming. I wondered if her fingertips were tingling as well. Elsa's hand stole all the warmth from mine. I didn't mind it.

My thumb would caress hers, but we would both just keep staring at the ceiling. That's when Elsa spotted the spider in the corner of my room. I didn't mind nature, just not in my room. I carefully got rid of it while Elsa watched me. I felt her eyes observe my every move. I guess that is how I looked at her too when she wasn't looking.

Weeks passed after that, and we were slowly getting to know each other. If you asked me today, I would say the kiss happened too fast. But at the time, I didn't mind it. It was much better than walking on eggshells around each other until one would just go ahead and confess. This way, we didn't have to hide anything. Elsa liked me and I liked her.

Elsa and I would take long walks in the forest. Occasionally she would throw a snowball at me, and I would simply shrug it off pretending that I didn't want to join her childish plays until she turned around so I could throw one back at her. We would watch deer run through the forest, fleeing from us whenever one of us accidently snapped a twig while trying to sneak up on them.

We could talk for hours. Elsa still did most of the talking. Actually, she did almost all of the talking. She told me about Ofelia, the woman who'd saved her when she was younger. The one that took her in. She told me about how it was to live with the older woman, and how they got by.

Apparently, Ofelia worked day in and day out. She was an ice harvester, but without any sort of work permit. Ergo, all her jobs had to be done discreetly. They both only earned enough to manage to buy food and supplies. Elsa and Ofelia lived from day to day. Of course, the authorities knew nothing about their occupation of the abandoned house by the outskirts of Arendelle. Those houses had been closed off because they were a safety hazard.

The night I had found Elsa, her and Ofelia had planned to meet outside Tiana's café like they did almost every night. It was a mutual agreement that if you didn't show up, something was wrong. They had had a fight the day before about nothing in particular, but had send both women angry to bed. They hadn't spoken all day and when they finally were to meet, Ofelia was a no-show. Elsa had waited for hours for Ofelia. Elsa told me that she was still mad at Ofelia because apparently she still hadn't given her a legit reason for why she hadn't showed. Her roommate had nearly cried when she heard what had happened to Elsa that night.

Elsa told me more about Ofelia. She'd been kicked out at the mere age of fifteen. After having revealed her sexuality - having explained to her parents she loved girls - she was left to rod on the streets. None of her family would take her in, all viewing her as the family's black sheep. Ever since, Ofelia had taken care of herself. She'd left town and come to Arendelle. The city of ice.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned it, but here in Arendelle summer only lasts two or three months. The rest of the year, it's snowy and cold.

She told me about some of the good stuff too though. The close bond the two shared. How goofy Ofelia actually was. We talked for a long time. We laughed and smiled – well, mostly Elsa laughed and smiled. I tried laughing and smiling.

But nothing could stop the ever-growing darkness that swallowed me whenever I got home or thought about handball practice. Or whenever I thought about my future. Not even Elsa could keep the terrors of the night at bay.

One thing _had _changed though. Those days I woke up knowing I was meeting Elsa, I didn't feel like I was going from one hell to another. It was only after we parted I fell into my cocoon of coldness. In the expand of twenty-four hours, it was as if Elsa grabbed a handful of those hours and shook all the numbness out of them. But only that handful of hours.

Elsa was my temporary joy.

I tried my best to act normal around Elsa. To act happy. Although, I noticed that for every time I saw Elsa, the happiness seemed less forced. Because Elsa didn't expect me to laugh. She didn't force me to crack a smile. She was fine with me just being me.

Now, I'm not saying Elsa _liked_ my depressed state of mind. Quite on the contrary. But she didn't just judge or push. She rewarded me with a smile or a sweet comment whenever I made an almost-joke, or I hoisted my lips into a half-grin.

Still, nothing could stop the pit of darkness I fell back into when I came home after meeting Elsa. It was like the house had turned into a dark whole that only expanded and swallowed me every time Elsa and I parted. But Elsa allowed me to breath. To break the surface a few hours a day and swallow a big gulp of air before being pulled back under again.

I still didn't know what we were. Were we girlfriends? Was Elsa even gay? Was_ I_ even gay? The only thing I knew for sure. I sure as hell was gay for Elsa. I wasn't ashamed of liking her, but I surely wasn't going to advertise it.

Elsa seemed to be used to it, having Ofelia being her lesbian role model I guess. Maybe Elsa just loved. She seemed like the person who didn't need the formalities of labels.

Elsa knew I was fond of her… I think. And Elsa was definitely fond of me.

* * *

><p>It was late afternoon and we were walking along the icy pavement on the outskirts of Arendelle. There were no clouds staining the sky. The wonders above us was as blue as the eyes I was looking into. Elsa's eyes.<p>

"Where're we going?" I asked, hardly managing to stay upright on the slippery sidewalk.

"You'll see," Elsa hummed.

The ground beneath us turned into a fresh layer of snow as we left the pavement. Trees were inclosing on us. Birds were singing their songs at the best of their abilities. As if, they were singing these tunes just for me and Elsa to hear. It was beautiful.

"Their songs remind me of that movie… what's it called?" Elsa said to herself.

"Which one?" I asked curiously.

"The one you can't help but cry to," the blonde stated, still lost in thought and digging through her brain. I shrugged.

"I wouldn't know," was my only response.

"And why is that?" Elsa was now the one sounding confused. Her head turned towards me as she was waiting for my response.

"Because I don't cry at movies," I shrugged again. My hands were buried deep in the pockets of my jeans. Elsa took a step towards me and hooked her arm through mine. Our steps synchronized, making the sound Elsa loved so dearly. You know, the sound of crackling snow beneath your feet.

"I don't believe you. You can't be human," she smiled, clearly teasing.

"Who ever said I was human? I'm obviously a cyborg. That would definitely explain my cold heart," my lips quirked up into a crooked smile. It was weak, but it was there. Because I didn't know how serious I actually was. Of course I knew I wasn't a cyborg – but it definitely would explain some things if that was to be the case.

"You don't have a cold heart Anna. In fact, you have one of the warmest hearts I've ever witnessed. Admit it, you're a softie."

"Name one thing soft about me," I challenged.

"Apart from your lips?" She argued, raising an eyebrow.

I grimaced, but ended up smiling anyway. Elsa could be cheesy. Without unhooking her arm, she threw her arms in defeat with a sigh.

"Anna, you help old people to their car with their groceries. Don't think I haven't noticed you when you help old Mrs. Gerda to her car. You take in nearly-dying poor girls in from the street. You spent half an hour getting rid of that spider without killing it; you even named it, and tried to see if you could find some of his spider buddies."

"Oh yeah, I hope those other spiders were nice to Bruce. He was a good guy," I mumbled, trying to get off the topic of 'how good a person I was.' I didn't think I was. Nowhere near close to a good person.

Elsa giggled, and I smiled.

"See, your heart is nowhere near cold."

We'd stopped walking without realizing it. The conversation had turned somewhat serious. I looked down noticing Elsa's hand rested over my heart. Hopefully it was impossible for her to feel how it picked up pace.

"But what if that stuff is just a fault in my hard drive? What if these technicalities are purely technical complications? What if I'm defect?" I asked half-serious. You could only take a cyborg metaphor so seriously. I didn't know how far I intended to stretch this metaphor. Only John Green could understand the extent to which I was willing to take a metaphor. _Yes, I'm referring to you Augustus Waters. You and your spit soaked cigarettes. _

"You're not," Elsa assured, as if it was the thing she was the most certain of in the entire world.

"Tell that to my creators," I huffed with a hint of self-irony.

"Anna you're not defect. And if you were I'd do my best to upgrade and fix you," the blonde soothed. Her hand left my heart for a mere second to brush a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Fine, you can be the mechanic then. While you're at it, could you build in a soda machine? That could be cool," I teased but in a nonchalant tone of voice.

"Why? You don't even drink soda!" Elsa exclaimed, now laughing again. The mood had brightened again.

I couldn't miss out on such perfect opportunity. This was where my writer's mind kicked in. The idealist in me.

"Because," I started, "it could be cool, and we could charge people for soda and become rich. Then we could donate all the money to an orphanage and the world would slowly, but surely, become a better place. And we could live happily ever after. The end."

No one said anything for a while. Elsa just had this huge smile plastered upon her lips as we started walking again. I could see her eyes wandering off, imagining such world.

"I wish it could be like that," she sighed, looking dreamingly into the forest.

Everything was so white. Like a fresh canvas. Elsa would be my masterpiece. She was the masterpiece painted in the whiteness of the forest of that moment.

"Well, a millionaire soda-selling cyborg perhaps isn't the outmost realistic of career opportunities."

A comfortable silence settled between us until we reached Elsa's secret destination.

"We're here," the girl stated happily and released herself from my arm to get a few steps ahead of me.

We were at a lake, completely isolated from everything else. It was as if the outside world didn't exist when you looked upon the breath-taking body of water. Ice hadn't settled upon the surface, the temperature being a couple degrees above freezing.

A wooden pier was located by the edge of the lake stretching far towards the center. The sky reflected itself into the massive pool of water, reminding me of a mirror. I remembered how only a few years ago, such sight would had had me tear up. The beauty of Mother Nature's work being too magnificent not to shed a tear over.

Elsa had motioned herself down the beginning of the pier where she was fiddling with something. I followed her and was stunned when I saw her pull out a small wooden boat. She jumped in and grabbed onto the edges.

"Give me a push," Elsa smiled. I jumped on board as I pushed the boat off shore. Soon we were floating into the clear water.

Elsa sat with her back straight and her hands placed in her lap, looking at me. I still hadn't sat down yet, enjoying the feeling of remaining my balance on the unstable water. In fact, I actually felt like messing with Elsa. Something I only would have done had it been Aunt Susan or Hans sitting across from me.

I started swaying the boat from side to side. The boat was rocking in the rhythm to my movements, never even close to the verge of tilting.

"Anna you're gonna get us both killed!" The blonde exclaimed, her eyes growing wide as she held on tightly to the edge of the dinghy.

For the first time that day I actually laughed. Elsa could be so adorable sometimes. I sat down, wearing a somewhat goofy smile.

"Maybe 'Anna you're gonna get us both killed' will be our 'always'" my grin was genuine.

"That's it. You are from here on out not allowed to make another John Green reference," Elsa said, and grabbed the collar of my jacket to pull me forward for a kiss.

* * *

><p>I was resting my head on her stomach, as she was stroking my hair. I could feel the movement of the water beneath the boat. We were drifting towards shore, but currents would change our directions continuously. The sky was so clear, and the air so fresh.<p>

A smile crept upon my lips. Elsa's hands were cold as her fingertips brushed over my forehead.

"Do you have a favorite word?" I asked out of the blue.

I wanted to know everything about Elsa. Her likes, her dislikes, her preferences, fears, dreams. Everything. Of course, I already knew a lot about her. Elsa loved reading, and simply couldn't stand if people put dog ears in one of her precious book. She was left handed, and hated when she smudged her writing. She feared the concept of time, afraid she would run out of it. Elsa loved chocolate, almost more than life itself at times. She dreamed of better futures for kids in orphanages.

Those were just a peak into Elsa's conscious. I wanted to go deep. Words meant a great deal to me, they were what brought color to life. A few letters gathered in a tiny word could have such a broad meaning. It fascinated me how something as small as a single word could have such a large significance.

Take a curse word. They aren't much different from other words – but their _meaning_? I don't know, it just fascinates me how humans have just randomly applied meaning to words. How there's no specific reason a rose is called a rose. But taking the meaning away from its word, and what is it? It's nothing. But all words are biased. Of course everyone is going to like the word 'hope' rather than 'toilet' – all because of its meaning. Now, that isn't fair to 'toilet' I thought. Therefore, I thought asking Elsa what her favorite word was, would show a lot about her interpretation and processing of words.

"Pardon?" She asked confused.

"A favorite word. Do you have one? Like, not necessarily the meaning, but just the way if feels on the tongue."

Elsa stopped mid-motion, that's how hard she was thinking. Her cold fingertips rested upon my forehead, completely frozen in place. Elsa couldn't multitask when she was thinking this hard. It was utterly adorable. Finally, she said in a clear determined voice full of realization.

"Marshmallow."

I laughed, causing Elsa to laugh too. I could feel her abdominal muscles tense up underneath my head. I looked up at her briefly, seeing she was still lost in thought. There was a slight tug on her lips, and it delighted me to see.

"Marshmallow," I stated, trying to get a feel of the word. It flowed effortlessly from the tongue, the alliteration causing your lips to meet twice.

"Marshmallow," she said again. I could hear the joy in her voice.

"I like it. It's a good word," I uttered, smiling.

Her hand started caressing my forehead again, letting her thumb brush over my brows once. The word marshmallow held a certain softness to it. Just like the thing itself. It made me wonder whether it was planned. The word almost as smooth and bendable as the sweet treat itself.

"What's yours?" Elsa asked.

I didn't have to think long about that one, it rolled off my tongue almost automatically.

"Elsa," I said, and received a tiny swat with the back of Elsa's hand over my shoulder. I giggled.

"I'm being serious. I want to know. Besides, you said the _feeling_ of the word, not the meaning," Elsa stated seriously.

"Well, I feel very strongly for that word," I made clear. Another swat.

"Alright, alright," I laughed. "My favorite word is 'onomatopoeia.' Mostly because it sounds funny, and I feel sophisticated when I say it."

Elsa repeated the word once for herself.

"I've heard it before," she stated. Of course she had. If there was one thing Elsa was, it was smart. Perhaps not in the common way of perception. Perhaps not academically smart, but Elsa was just naturally bright and clever.

"It's a literary device. You know, the spelling of sounds," I explained.

Elsa was quiet for a moment. I could almost hear her thinking. The air was cold, and I could see my breath being caught in midair for every one of my exhales. The birds were still singing, twittering their beautiful serenades.

"Like 'tick tock'," she finally uttered.

I laughed once.

"Yeah, like 'tick tock'," I agreed.

We laid in silence for a little while, only the sound of the waves swooshing underneath us.

"I like that word," Elsa mumbled.

Even though Elsa's hands were cold, the softness of them was beyond compare. She had such dainty hands; you could hardly believe she was the type of person swinging a hammer and chisel all day. The blonde might seem like one of her fragile ice sculptures, but I knew Elsa was tough.

We talked about nothing for a while, and I nuzzled closer into her stomach. At one point I was laying on my side, allowing me to look up at Elsa. The older girl's eyes were fixated on the sky though, and I merely caught the sight of her beautiful pale jawline. I reached a hand up and caressed her cheek, and soon she was looking down at me. In the end I was curled together in Elsa's embrace, resting in her lap as she had her arms around me. I felt like a kid again. Like someone was taking care of me. _Really_ taking care of me. Elsa's lap was so comfortable; I could lie there all day. It was as if it was specially designed for me to lay on it. I liked the idea of idea of me and Elsa being sculpted for each other. That we were cut out of the universe just so we could fit together.

Elsa made me wonder about so many things. Like, did soul mates exist? I remembered reading about soul mates once. There was a suggestion that soul mates could be scientifically explained by the resurrection of the earth. Basically, the theory sounded that atoms close to each during the construction of the earth were linked together somehow. These atoms are then drawn to each later in life, like magnets. Maybe me and Elsa's atoms were close at some point, and these atoms had managed to find their better half again through me and Elsa.

She made me think about my life. My family. She made me take a second glance at the world. She made me reconsider my outlook on the world for the millionth time. I tilted my head a tiny bit, and Elsa brushed a hand over my bangs once.

"Do you believe in good and evil? Like, that you can actually be born… bad?" I asked with a frail voice. The cold had my voice sound husky. Perhaps it was soon time to retrieve to land, the cold leaving my fingers closely resembling ice taps.

"I want to see the good in everyone, but it's difficult sometimes," the blonde trailed off. She was bending forward, hunched over me while resting her chin on my head. "Not like you. It shines out of you."

Elsa was so persistent in pointing out my goodness. She didn't see what I saw.

"I'm not good Elsa."

"Yes you are," she stated firmly. Her statement almost had me become angry. Frustrated. But I could be neither when I was laying in this amazing girl's lap.

"Why? Carrying a couple of grocery bags and not killing spiders doesn't exactly make me a good person. That's a shallow assumption if that's what my so called goodness it based on," I mumbled.

Elsa stroked my hair again, and looked down upon me with gentle eyes.

"Because you don't think you're good. But you are. People who can't see their goodness are often the best people. Your mind is just reluctant to see it," Elsa tried. "I know your mind is blocking it right now, but believe Anna. You're an amazing person. And someone should tell you that every day," she said and leaned down to kiss my forehead.

"Wait what? What do you mean my mind is blocking it?" I said, suddenly sitting up. I wanted to touch the spot where Elsa's lips had just graced me, but I was too engrossed by her statement.

"… Because Anna… I've been where you are…," she said quietly.

A silence settled between us. Been where I am? What did she mean? Something clicked all at once.

Elsa _knew_.

She knew what I was going through. And that made my throat tie a knot on itself. My sweet sweet Elsa. Had she been stuck in this numb lockdown just like me?

"Y-you have?" I stuttered.

Elsa nodded. Her hands were in her lap. I moved closer. We were sitting next to each other. Our knees touched.

"Yes… It's a while ago. But it's hard to forget," her words hit me right in the chest. "I may not know exactly what you're going through. Every person is different. But I remember it was like a conscious lock-down. I was so… _angry_ with myself. I was so angry at the world."

"You were?" I asked stupidly.

Elsa huffed.

"Of course Anna. I thought I'd been the one to drive my parents into their death. You didn't think never having had a place to belong didn't leave its marks, did you? I've been where you are. Trust me. I thought I was this… monster. I was a curse casted upon every person I touched. I was lost and alone. Practically isolated from everything and everyone until the day I ran away from the orphanage. I felt like a zombie. I didn't care about anything, I barely cared about myself."

"What… what happened?"

"Ofelia happened. She saved my life. Took me in when no one else would. Showed me living a life in pain and regret was no way of living. Taught me how to appreciate the little things," Elsa smiled and my heart fluttered. It was a weird feeling. "It took me a long time to get where I am now. It also took me a long time to realize I couldn't do it alone… Ofelia made me realize that."

I took Elsa's hand and she immediately wrapped her fingers around mine. Then she leaned her head on my shoulder. I could smell her hair. The water beneath us was the only thing that sounded. That and the tiny birds singing to us.

"…. She sounds like an amazing person."

"She is," Elsa agreed whole-heartedly.

I wrapped and arm around her and she snuggled closer to me.

"Elsa?"

"Yes?" She said quietly.

"… you're pretty amazing too."


	10. My Elsa

**Chapter 10 – My Elsa**

Knowing Elsa could relate to what I was going through only made her my most favorite person in the world. _Sorry Aunt Susan, but you're as of now currently tied with Elsa over my most favorite people._

This opened up a lot more doors for us. I didn't have to pretend anymore. I could just relax for once. No fake façade needed anymore, at least not around Elsa. Although, I hardly needed my façade when I was with Elsa anyway. Like I said, she was my temporary joy.

Elsa had decided that she was finally ready to show me where she lived. It had been a long and hard internal struggle for her to decide whether she was ready for that. I hadn't pushed in any way – I still wasn't great at taking initiative to much.

The battle had mostly been between Elsa and herself. We both knew Elsa lived a rather alternative lifestyle. Not that she had any choice. Elsa did what she needed to survive – and I knew she had neglected some of her usual responsibilities to spend time with me. She pushed aside some jobs she had been offered just to spend time with me. She said they wouldn't go anywhere. Elsa still insisted stubbornly that I shouldn't pay for her. I felt bad about it – as bad as I now could feel (when it came to feeling).

But I wasn't in a position to provide anything for Elsa. I couldn't give her a home or an education. Not that she would have accepted it if I had offered. No, all I could do was pay for her damn pancakes twice a week. I still found myself roaming through my closet for anything I had no use for anymore. However, as soon as I had gathered a tiny pile of items, I simply kicked it into the corner.

Elsa wouldn't accept it.

She had made that clear. Sometimes she would even try and give me back the jacket I gave her. I didn't know if it had anything to do with pride. Perhaps it was a question of independence. The last thing I wanted Elsa to think was that I didn't think she could take care of herself. Hell, she didn't just take care of herself, she even took care of _me_. I just hadn't realized it yet.

Anyhow, like I said, Elsa had finally made up her mind and was ready to show me her sacred space. One day after practice, I met her on the corner of Tiana's Café. She was just closing up shop as I stepped out of my truck.

"Hey you," she called as I approached her.

We didn't kiss hello. Admittedly, we hardly showed any affection when we were in public. I still didn't know what we were. My hands were in my pockets, a precautionary action in case I couldn't fight the urge take Elsa's hand.

"Hi," I said, blatantly not trying to hide my tired voice. Handball had been a killer. It was first when I saw Elsa that day I didn't feel trapped. The sense of panic left me as I looked at her.

"You ok?" She asked gently, brushing my bangs away from my forehead. My hands didn't leave my pockets. I took a step back. As much I wanted her touch, I couldn't risk anyone seeing us. The town was too small for such mistakes. It wasn't that I didn't want to be seen with Elsa. Her being poor had nothing to do with it. But I couldn't risk getting the 'gay-stamp' on my forehead. I would shout over the rooftops that Elsa and I were friends and I was proud to be her friend. Yes, her _friend_. But I couldn't be labelled as gay in front of the whole town. Actually, the town could suck it. I couldn't be labelled in front of my parents. That was it.

"Sorry," I muttered when I saw Elsa's face faltered. "I'm fine. Just…" I lost my ability to speak. I didn't know what to say.

"It's okay," the blonde said, her lips tugging up into a tiny smile. A hurt little smile. "I get it," she then said. I had no doubt in my mind that Elsa did indeed get it. Of course she did. She was clever. She knew how I felt. But the hurt still lured underneath the surface of that smile she send me.

"Are you ready to go?" She then asked, and I nodded. Gosh how I wanted to kiss that hurt little smile away. So when I followed her deeper into the alleyway, I planted a quick peck on her forehead.

I was rewarded with a true smile. A real smile. Those things still had me going. For every smile Elsa send me, a tiny bit of me wanted to believe in humanity again. If something as beautiful as Elsa existed on this earth, I was sure there had to be more. If something as sweet and caring as Elsa had been put upon this earth, I was _certain_ there had to be more. If something as honest and loving as her was created, there _needed_ to be more. Or else Elsa was the most precious thing on earth. The most unique thing in the universe.

And I refused to share her with anyone.

The world would ruin her if it got it's hands on her. I could never let that happen.

I watched as Elsa dragged out a small blue wagon from the deep darkness. The wheels creaked as she dragged it behind her. The blue paint was well on it's way to crack off completely. I helped her load her booth into the tiny wagon. Then we walked side by side, all the way to the outskirts of Arendelle.

I couldn't quite believe Elsa walked this far every day. Although the time seemed to fly by as I was walking next to Elsa, we still walked for around forty minutes. The pavement was slippery, but it helped as the concrete turned into gravel underneath the ice.

The moment we were well outside the city, I had taken Elsa's hand. I wanted to make up for the tiny step back I had taken earlier. That tiny cowardly step. I wanted to show her that her touch didn't repulse me. Not in the slightest bit. I wanted to show her I saw past all of that. That she was worth just as much as the richest man or woman alive.

We finally reached the abandoned houses next to the neglected parking lot. The parking lot had slowly become swallowed by nature. The empty space had a thin layer of snow resting upon the entire area.

The houses were lined up. They were all two stories high, their rooftops ending in a pointy tip reaching towards the sky. Elsa stopped by the middle house. She told me to wait in front of the porch while she pulled her wagon around back. I studied the house while she was gone. It was a faded turquoise. It reminded me of French architecture. It looked so forgotten and lonely.

Elsa returned making fresh footprints in the perfect snow.

"You ready?" She asked smiling widely. I think I made up for my cowardliness earlier.

I nodded silently and took a few steps up on the deck with Elsa. Elsa grabbed the door handle and tried pushing the door open gently. But the door didn't bulge.

"That's weird," Elsa stated. "Ofelia usually isn't home this time a day," the blonde explained.

I wanted to act surprised, but as I said, I didn't have to act around Elsa. Honestly, I really didn't feel like meeting Ofelia at that moment. I'd heard much about her, and I was determined to meet her at some point. But this? I felt the panic creep up on me. Like I was being ambushed.

_Suck it up Anna. She means a lot to Elsa. _

"Are you alright?" Elsa asked, voice suddenly full of concern.

Elsa took a step towards me and started rubbing my arm gently. Her touch was calming, but the knot in my throat was choking me.

"We don't have to do this now, I don't want to pull anything over your head," she stated soothingly trying to catch me eyes.

_How'd she know? How could she tell I suddenly felt under attack? _Maybe I had let my parades down, and let my façade falter completely around Elsa. I just hadn't realized it.

"How'd you…?" I asked, my voice was so small and pathetic I could barely stand myself.

She stepped in front of me and pulled me towards her, holding unto my jacket, which was unzipped. I couldn't help but think we were standing like a married couple. The way Elsa was looking at me. As we were just about to leave for a fancy dinner party, and Elsa just had to correct my tie. I would tell her she looked as lovely as ever just before helping her put on her long dainty coat and we would be on our way. In a split second, without realizing, I had just imagined a future with Elsa. And a lovely one at that.

"I don't know, you just suddenly went stiff. Anna, you need to tell me if there's something you're not comfortable with," she ordered kindly. "We don't have to do this. We can just turn around and go back."

When did I become so lucky? Elsa's kindness made me want to do this for her. I knew how much she worshipped Ofelia. I wanted to be part of Elsa's life, and Ofelia was such a great part that there was no way of avoiding it. Ofelia had to like me. I couldn't have her hate me. I just couldn't.

"No it's fine… I want to meet her," I said.

Elsa's eyes studied me. I tried tugging my lips into a shy smile. She pulled me forwards and pressed a kiss to my cheek.

"Okay…," she whispered and smiled at me.

Her smile made it worth it. The older girl took a step towards the door and knocked hard on the wooden barrier. Elsa knocked in a specific pattern, there was a rhythm to it.

"I know it's old school, but it's just to make sure we know who it is," Elsa said as she continued knocking her pattern.

I heard footsteps on the other side of the door.

"Elsa?" A foreign female voice sounded.

"Yeah it's me!" Elsa called back.

There was a loud screeching noise on the other side of the door, as if something was being pushed over the floor without being lifted.

The door was torn open, revealing a skinny pale woman. She was around my height, and her hair was pitch-black. Her eyes were piercing blue, just like Elsa's. If it hadn't been for Ofelia's insanely black hair and a bit more edgy facial features, you could have thought the two were sisters.

Ofelia's skin was as snowy white as Elsa's, and those pale pale blue eyes resembled the blonde's eyes so much it was scary. The black-haired woman appeared to be in the beginning of her thirties. It was hard to estimate her age, she might as well have been in her late twenties. But from what Elsa had told me, Ofelia was thirty-three.

The older woman broke into a ridiculously goofy smile when she opened the door to find Elsa and me standing next to each other. The black-haired woman suddenly appeared like a child. Or an older sister, ready to tease the crap out of her sibling.

"Oh Elsa, you should've told me you were bringing cute redheads over, I would've polished our silverware," Ofelia teased. Elsa didn't seem amused, but not annoyed either.

"What're you doing home?" Elsa asked, slightly accusingly.

"I could ask you the same thing Snowflake," Ofelia challenged raising and eyebrow.

Else sighed in defeat. Ofelia smiled in victory before turning to me.

"So who do we have here?" The older woman asked stepping forward to inspect me. Elsa took my hand protectively – or maybe just to calm me.

"Anna this is Ofelia," Elsa spoke and gestured with a hand towards Ofelia. "Ofelia, this is my Anna."

Everything seemed to stop for just a second. _My Anna? __**My **__Anna_. The way Elsa had said it. It made my heart warm.

"Aha, the famous Anna, we finally meet," Ofelia's grin turned wide and she glanced briefly over at Elsa. She must've also caught onto the possessive pronoun. Elsa's red cheeks confirmed my theory.

"Well let me have a look at you!" The black-haired lady exclaimed laughing.

Ofelia grabbed a hold of me and took a long hard look at me. She even spun me around to get me from every possible angle.

"Well aren't you a cutie," Ofelia concluded before pulling me in for a massive bear hug. In the corner of my eye I saw Elsa bury her face in her palm, clearly embarrassed.

"Alright kids, I have to go. Back to work. Don't do anything I would do – be safe and all that, don't want anybody pregnant!" The black haired woman laughed hysterically as she exited the door.

"Hold on, did you eat?" Elsa asked concerned.

Ofelia barely turned around. She smoothly corrected her scarf and zipped her jacket all the way up.

"Yeah why?"

"Are you going to be home late again?"

"Yeah why?" I could hear how dedicated Ofelia was to her older sister role. Truly being a pain in the ass, just as(s) Hans could be.

"Urgh, just go," Elsa gave up. Ofelia laughed squeezing Elsa's cheek before jumping down the few stairs.

"Have fun ladies!" And just like that Ofelia was gone.

I needed a minute to process what had just happened. Ofelia was probably the craziest person I'd ever met – we're talking Aunt Susan-crazy. A year ago, I would've loved Ofelia, but I still couldn't _feel _it. I knew I thought she was great though, but that was mostly because Elsa worshipped her. However, I could see her lively energy, which I had always appreciated in Aunt Susan, it was impossible to miss.

"Sorry about that… She has a thing for warm hugs. But that just means that she likes you," the blonde took my hand again and squeezed it lightly.

"Come on, let me show you around."

Elsa was happy. I could sense it. The meeting with Ofelia had gone well. She _liked_ me. I felt like I had just been given the blessing to be with Elsa. Ofelia's approval meant a lot to Elsa, I could see it. It meant a lot to me too of course, I just didn't have a way of showing it.

Elsa dragged me inside and closed the door behind us. She let go of my hand for a brief second to effortlessly push the big dresser in front of the door. I was guessing that was the sound I heard before Ofelia opened the door.

"The lock doesn't work, so whenever we're home we push the dresser in front of the door," she explained and took my hand yet again.

We entered the living room. The house was overall open and spacious. It would with no doubt be an absolutely wonderful house if someone were to fix it up. I could see Ofelia and Elsa had done their best to make it as homey as possible.

None of their furniture matched, and I was guessing that they had simply scraped together what they could find. There was a big velvety red lion foot chair placed in front of the fireplace. It looked cozy. I couldn't help but imagine Elsa and I snuggling up together in front of the warm flames, curled up in the large chair. I guess we would have to save that for later.

Next to the fireplace were a few buckets of water. Elsa walked over to turn on a lantern in the corner of the large room. The darkness had fallen upon us, and the lantern lit up nicely. Then she walked to the window and pulled down some heavy black curtains.

"We pull these down at night so people can't see the light," she explained. "And here we gather snow and ice to melt next to the fireplace, that's how we get clean water. We only light the fireplace at night so people can't see the smoke. And over here we have…." Elsa took my hand a dragged me through the house as she was explaining how everything worked.

I was so glad Elsa still didn't mind doing much of the talking. I didn't even have to think too hard about finding a response, and nodding would usually do. But Elsa made me want to try and at least think of something to say.

She kept going on about the small systems Ofelia and her had developed. She even taught me their knocking pattern. Elsa was proud of what they had built. And she had no reason not to be. It was amazing. I was left speechless on how the two women got by without electricity. Elsa explained everything they owned was battery driven mostly. They used light chains and battery driven lamps, but tried primarily to stick to the lanterns. Batteries still costs money you know.

They kept their food outside since it was plenty cold to keep their supplies at an appropriate temperature. Like I said, summer doesn't come by often anyway, so they really only had those few months a year where they were struggling with cooling down their food.

I observed the house carefully. All the walls had faltered with chips of paint dangling from the ceiling. The floors were worn down and creaked for every step we took. The staircase looked like it could give in any minute. Nevertheless, Elsa dragged me up the death trap she called stairs, and continued her tour on the second floor.

"The isolation in this house is extremely well done, so the cold nights aren't too bad – worst case we just sleep with our clothes on under the covers. The fireplace keeps us warm when it's really chilly outside, last year, Ofelia and I would drag our madrassas down to the living room and sleep in front of the fire. Oh, and this is my room," she added shyly.

The older girl let go of my hand. Elsa stepped inside the room and lit up a lantern. The room lit up, and revealed a large room again with wooden floors. The walls were a light blue and surprisingly preserved. The room didn't hold much other than a bed and a large stack of books. There was a small dresser in the corner along with a dusty old mirror. Finally, there was a nightstand next to the bed on which a book was laying open with a pair of reading glasses on top.

I noticed the bed in fact wasn't actually a bed, but a madras thrown on top of two layers of pallets. I had to admit it looked rather cool. Everything appeared so authentic. Elsa's room was neat and her bed was made. Elsa then stepped over to her bed and flicked a tiny switch by the end of the bed. Lights suddenly lit up underneath the madras, and tiny lamps were shining in between the pallets. My jaws dropped. She pulled down the heavy black curtain before retrieving back to me.

"It was Ofelia's idea, we got the light chain on a flee marked for 50 cents. Do you like it?"

"Elsa…" I lost my trail of thought, purely too amazed to even think straight. "This is amazing…"

"You… You want to try it out?" She asked suggestively.

I snorted. Elsa could make everything sound so innocent. I'm sure she should could even make a politician sound a nice person.

For the first time, it was me who got to do the dragging. I pulled Elsa with me and we laid on the bed together. Comfortable was probably not the word to describe it, but we could be laying on needles for all I cared. Because as soon as saw those blue orbs look into mine the whole world disappeared.

World War III could have broken out and I wouldn't have noticed it. Every trouble that had once haunted me faded into those two blue pools. It was like practice had never happened. I hadn't just had a discussion with my mother that same morning anymore, it felt like weeks ago. We were both laying on our sides; Elsa's hand had disappeared up under the pillow.

I wouldn't say I could've died happy at that very moment – I wasn't happy. But I surely could have died feeling a hell of a lot better than I ever had. So, dying at that very moment wouldn't have been half-bad considering I would be dying next to the most beautiful and pure creature on the planet.

It wasn't long until we couldn't resist anymore, and we both synchronically leaned forward to catch each other's lips. We both took a sharp intake of breath through our noses and closed our eyes. I scooted my hips forward, closing the distance between us.

Elsa's lips pushed gently onto mine. I didn't have the heart to kiss her roughly. Her lips were to be treated as the most beautiful painting in the world: with care. Instead I let Elsa take the control. She could decide how she wanted to treat that beautiful painting. And she decided to push her tongue between my already parted lips and into my mouth. She moaned in delight. As if I was the tastiest desert on the planet, (aka Tiana's banana pancakes).

Oxygen was the last thing on my mind, although my body suddenly seemed to crave it. Stupid body. Ergo, we broke apart, and ended up rested our foreheads against each other's. I wondered what it would feel like to feel Elsa's weight on top of me. This time in the art of loving-making rather than saving her from hypothermia. Hopefully, she was wondering the same thing.

Minutes passed with just Elsa stroking my cheek. I liked that our noses were almost touching.

"Elsa?" I whispered gently.

"Mhm?" She hummed, way too absorbed in caressing my cheek.

I hesitated. It wasn't because I was nervous. But if Elsa took it badly, this cuddle session would be ending too quickly for my preference. Maybe I should hold out just a tad longer? _Screw it…_

"… What are we…?" I mumbled, afraid to break the quiet atmosphere that had settled around us by using my normal voice. I was dedicated to letting Elsa decide what we were. I was alright with any label she had the intention of giving us, as long as things didn't change between us.

Elsa hardly looked up, still utterly focused on my cheek and the thumb stroking it. Then she took a deep breath through her nose – a thoughtful sigh. Before she spoke, she bit her bottom lip.

"You're my Anna…," she whispered, "and I'm your Elsa."

Simple as that. No 'we're just friends' or 'we're star-crossed lovers'. We were simply Anna and Elsa. I was Elsa's and Elsa was mine.

"Okay," I said and leaned forward, "I'm your Anna," I kissed her lips.

My Elsa kissed me back immediately.  
>"And I'm your Elsa," she smiled under my lips.<p>

After some gentle kissing, Elsa turned her back to me letting me wrap my arms around her. I could feel her butt pushing its way into my lap, and I pressed my chest against Elsa's back. I rested my chin on top of Elsa's beautiful hair. I was like a shield, holding onto her so tightly, nothing could harm her.

I didn't know what it was that made me so protective of her. Elsa just happened to trigger my inner protective instincts. Nothing should harm her. Not if it was up to me. I couldn't help but think Elsa _needed_ a little protecting. After so many years of taking care of herself and being on her own, keeping a safe distance from everyone, it doubtfully was a change for Elsa to finally have someone. I knew Ofelia surely had provided for her in any way she could. But working all night and day maybe hadn't provided Elsa with the love that she needed.

Elsa had never had anyone to hold her hand or tell her a bedtime story. Never had a dad to pick her up when she fell, or a mom to kiss her scratched knees.

Maybe I could be that for her.

Not a parent of course, those things could be unbearable. I would just be whatever she needed. I could hold her when she cried, kiss her when was feeling down, be the voice of comfort and love.

That's what I wanted to be for Elsa. That's what I wanted to give, now that I couldn't give her a house or an education. I didn't want to try and _save_ her, because Elsa had made it clear that she didn't need saving. Nevertheless, a part of me – a huge part of me actually – wanted her out of this house, out of this life. No person should live in constant fear of not being sure whether he or she would make enough for the day.

"You're so tense…" Elsa frail little voice mumbled so suddenly.

I only noticed my flexed muscles when she mentioned it. I hadn't realized I'd been flexing my jaw and shoulders. Coming to think of it, I couldn't remember the last time my muscles had been relaxed. I couldn't recall the last time I didn't have a headache because the tension in my forehead, or the last time I had let my legs dangle and be loose.

Elsa turned in my embrace.

"Lay on your stomach," she ordered sweetly.

The need to oblige didn't hit me, but I did as she asked. When I was stretched out flat on my tummy, Elsa straddled me from behind.

"Lift your arms," she insisted.

Yet again, I obliged, but only because it was Elsa. The blonde reached for the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head. It wasn't exactly elegant in any way since my hair got tangled in my sweater, but we both just laughed, and Elsa tossed the sweater. I heard it hit the floor.

Elsa pale soft fingers found the hook of my bra, and unclasped it smoothly. Her touch send shivers down my spine. I wasn't sure whether it was from the cold or whether it was the touch itself.

"Relax," she leaned down a whispered in my ear. I felt her breath on the shell of my ear.

Her hands ran smoothly over my back, massaging it gently. Goosebumps settled upon the entirety of my skin. I had to bite the pillow when Elsa's hands moved to my lower back. My poor muscles were so tense it hurt.

"Gosh, you're so tense," the older girl mumbled worriedly.

Elsa spend the majority of the following hour to untangle my back muscles. I could practically hear her flinch whenever I groaned in pain. She would ask if she should stop, but I insisted that she kept going.

"Does this tickle?" She asked in all seriousness. She ran her a firm hand, applying light pressure, all the way down my spine. It did in fact tickle, but not pleasantly so. I nodded.

"Just confirms how tense your muscles are…," she mumbled worriedly.

When my poor muscles finally couldn't take anymore, Elsa's hand just caressed my shoulder blades. She trailed kisses down my spine. It tingled.

"Anna?" Elsa whispered a tad serious.

"Yes…?" I mumbled.

She placed another kiss, this time at the back of my neck. Then she leaned over me and hugged me from behind.

"I… I want to know… what's going on inside that head of yours. It's just… sometimes you're here, but not really _here_, you know?"

I shrugged, knowing exactly what she meant. But I didn't know where I went sometimes. At times, it was like it was merely my body that was left, and my mind was across the universe. Off doing better things presumably.

"There's not much going on in there..." my voice was weak.

"I know that isn't true Anna," she whispered kindly.

She hugged me closer, resting her cheek on my back. I felt her pointer finger draw small circles on my skin. Elsa had removed her large sweater, so that now she was only wearing her tank top. She was warming my naked back with her torso.

"Please let me in..." She whispered.

A tears slipped down my cheek.

"I'm broken Elsa. I can't... explain it."

This was the first time Elsa had pushed. She was gentle, but she was still pushing. I felt a pang of angst. I felt like I was standing in front of a thousand people having to explain. How can you explain something you hardly understand yourself?

"I don't want to push you Anna… but maybe just… try? Please? For me?"

I took a deep breath, filling my lungs and stomach with air before releasing.

I was a writer. Well, I wanted to be a _wanted_ to be a writer. But what kind of writer couldn't even find the words to describe what they were feeling? It was almost pathetic. A writer who can't put words on their feelings? That's kind of like a bird without wings. Like a clown that isn't funny. Like a fish with lungs instead of gills. Like a zebra without stripes. Like a… you get the point!

"I'm just so… tired. My head feels too big for my body. There's this tiny little person inside of me. She's holding me back. Grabbing hold of my ankles. She keeps making me fall whenever I try to get up. And you want to know what the scary part is? That tiny little person _is me_."

The tears were streaming down by now, and I could barely keep my shoulders from shaking. I buried my face in my arms, and Elsa just kept hugging me.

"Shh… it's okay," Elsa kept whispering as I wept. She didn't do much other than that except for hugging me closer.

"Something's seriously wrong with me… and I can't fix it…" I whimpered.

"Anna it's okay… we can fix it together. This is fixable. And you know why?"

I shook my head.

"Because I'm your Elsa, and I'm going to help you. You hear me?"

With that, Elsa spun me around. She was laying on top of me, and I'd simply forgotten I wasn't wearing anything. But that was okay, because this wasn't intimate in _that_ way. I buried my face in her shoulder, and we just laid there hugging each other until I was all out of tears.

My Elsa. _My Elsa._

I liked the sound of that.

Time passed and we hardly moved. I looked at my wristwatch. It was almost ten.

"Do you have to go home?" Elsa mumbled into my shoulder.

_Yes… my dad's gonna kill me if I don't make practice tomorrow…_

"No…. I can stay forever."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Hey guys! Next chapter will be out around December 4th – I have to move and stuff so…

Stay terrific! And thanks for your loving support :)


	11. Just Christmas

**Chapter 11 – Just Christmas**

Christmas was upon us. The small town of Arendelle was bubbling with Christmas spirit. I could hardly stand it. _Rub it in my face will ya!? Not enough that Anna Lykke can't feel a damn thing, but she can't even get somewhat excited over Christmas? Not the tiniest bit in Christmas mood?_

Christmas used to be my favorite holiday. The only reason being that on Christmas morning our house seemed to find some sort of peace. Everyone got along with each other. Even Hans would be nice to me, and not the arrogant bastard of a teasing brother he now was. We would even give each other a hug after opening presents. My parents would actually give their full devoted attention to just being with their children. It was as if Christmas morning was the only time we were a real functioning family.

Don't get me started on Christmas dinner though. Those things never turned out well. It would usually result in a heated debate about the tiniest most insignificant things. I couldn't recall a Christmas dinner where at least one family member hadn't left the table in storming rage. We would usually just ignore it at continue eating as if the person had never left. That's what this family was good at. Ignoring things.

I needed to get out of the house since my mom was going crazy with all the Christmas cooking. Honestly, I was hopeless in a kitchen, and was pretty much just in her way. So I decided to take my car and go wish Elsa and Ofelia a Merry Christmas.

I knocked the secret pattern on the door, which was followed by footsteps and a screeching noise. Ofelia appeared by the door, crossing her arms over her chest and send me a sly smirk.

"What's up Short-Stuff," she uttered.

I didn't know what to respond. How do you respond to that?

"Um…hi…" I said scratching the back of my head. "Is Elsa home?"

_Gosh you sound like a third-grader._

"Elsa your Ginger is here!" The older woman took a step back to yell.

"I have a name you know…" I mumbled.

Ofelia took a step forward and grasped my jacket to jerk me inside. I barely managed to stay upright. Damn that woman was strong. Ofelia laughed aloud.

"I know Honey, it's just fun teasing you. Actually, it's more fun teasing Elsa, you noticed how her face turns all red when you mention that thing on her hip?"

"Um… no."

"Oh, so you guys haven't…?" Ofelia asked with a raised eyebrow and a kinky wink.

"What? U-um, no. I-I mean," I stuttered, awfully surprised by the boldness of the question. _Gosh, she's just like Aunt Susan…_

"You hesitated."

"W-what? N-no I didn't!" I empathized while waving my hands defensively. Ofelia let out a goofy laugh.

Footsteps were approaching rapidly as Elsa stormed down the staircase.

"Whatever she's telling you is a lie!" Elsa called out.

Elsa reached the bottom of the staircase and slapped Ofelia's hand away from me playfully. She snatched my hand and pulled me towards her until she stood protectively in front of me. Ofelia laughed, and Elsa couldn't help but smile either. I wanted to smile too, because I honestly found the women's disputes funny.

"Relax Princess, I can behave," Ofelia send me another wink and patted Elsa twice on the cheek before retrieving to the living room. "Good seeing you again Anna!" She called over her shoulder and strolled off.

Elsa huffed a breath of air through her nose nervously. Then she turned around so that she was facing me. Her hands were resting on my chest.

"Sorry about her, she can be… yeesh," was all Elsa could say about her insane roommate. "Anyway, what're you doing here? Is everything okay?"

Before Elsa had any more time to verbalize her worries I cut her off with a kiss. That seemed to shut her up. Slowly Elsa managed to wrap her arms around my shoulders and leaned into the kiss. We stood kissing in the doorway until a rather obvious cough sounded from behind us. We broke apart, although still holding onto each other, and looked over our shoulders.

Ofelia was standing with her hands stretched out in front of her, making a square shape with her fingers, as if she was holding a camera. "Oh, I love it. It's so cute. You guys are like little baby unicorns," she stated while pretending to snatch a picture of us. Elsa's cheeks were blooming red.

_Little baby unicorns…? What the…?_

"Anyhow, I'm going to the market, hang in there guys," Ofelia grinned as she pushed past us. "Merry Christmas Anna!" She called over her shoulder before disappearing out of the door.

"Merry Christmas," I mumbled after her. I sighed once and turned my gaze back to Elsa, sending her a minor disturbed look.

"Gosh, you're moving up the latter. Ofelia loves unicorns," Elsa laughed. I couldn't help but laugh along.

I pulled Elsa in for a hug, and we rested our foreheads against each other. It was so nice just holding Elsa.

"I came to wish you guys Merry Christmas," I whispered sweetly.

The blonde smiled. A smile so wide it made her tiny dimples go deep.

"Merry Christmas to you too," she mumbled happily. "What are your plans for tonight?"

"A dreadful family dinner awaits at the Lykke household. Looking forward to see who's gonna storm out this year," I snorted.

Elsa's face turned into a frown, and her eyebrows came together. But I just kept trying to smile at her and kissed away that frown of hers. She wasn't too eager to just let me kiss away her worries, but finally she couldn't resist and leaned into the kiss, giving her all.

This time it was me who daringly pushed my tongue past her lips. Elsa unzipped my jacket to hug me closer. I felt her hands sweep past the thick layer of clothing. She pulled me closer and our hip collided. We pulled apart smiling. I cleared my throat.

"So… what's the thing on your hip?"

"I'm gonna kill her…," the blonde mumbled before she kissed me again.

* * *

><p>As much as I would've loved to stay and make out with Elsa, I had to get home and change for dinner. I was positive Hans was back already, and my mother would with no doubt be mildly pissed at me for missing his arrival.<p>

I burst through the door finding the living room was already packed with guests. My mother's parents were here, along with my brother. As if on cue, everyone turned their head as I stepped into the room.

"Where have you been?!" My mother fussed as I entered. She wiped her hands in her apron as she approached me.

"Go get changed right now," she hissed and pushed me towards the staircase. I hardly had time to greet my grandparents or Hans – much to my delight. Thanks mom.

I took my own sweet time getting ready, trying on multiple outfits to drag out the process. As I was trying on my high school cheerleading skirt (because now was indeed the time to check if it still fit) a knock sounded on my door. Aunt Susan entered and slumped down on my bed.

"Hey Sweet-Pea, how's the stalling coming?" She said nonchalant, studying her freshly painted fingernails.

I looked at her through the mirror. This would have been the moment where I would've rolled my eyes at her. Instead, I sighed and stepped out of my cheerleading skirt.

"I believe I'm quite successful," I muttered as I threw the skirt in the corner.

Aunt Susan snorted, finally resting her hand on her knee instead of observing her fingernails.

"So, how's Elsa?"

Her voice was calm and she asked as if Elsa was just another friend from handball practice, and not a potential love interest. My mind was too annoyed to think about Elsa – too preoccupied of the dreadful dinner that awaited. I decided to keep my answer short and simple.

"She's good."

Aunt Susan nodded, taking the hint. But I could feel she was trying to lead up to something. Therefore she cut right to the chase. A familiar Aunt Susan-move, no fingers in between.

"Do you plan on telling your folks anytime soon?"

The question hung in the air. Of course I wasn't planning on telling them, _Aunt Susan have you _met_ my parents?_ But I understood her concern. I had literally not even a faint idea of how they would react to such news.

"Look, no one needs to know for now. Okay? For all I'm concerned right now, mom and dad will never know about Elsa," I said certainly.

I pulled on a blouse and a pair of jeans. I was just about to redo my pigtails as Aunt Susan spoke.

"I respect your decision Anna. Just know that whatever you decide to do, I'll stand by you one-hundred percent. Alright?"

For a moment, I stopped doing my hair and looked towards my aunt. It was rare her face was this serious.

"Alright," I said and nodded. A smile tugs on the older woman's lips as she rises from the bed.

"Good. Now finish up, I'm freaking starving. And by the way, ten bucks on it being your mom storming out this year," Aunt Susan laughed.

"That's not fair, it's too obvious betting on the person who's walked out the past two years in a row."

"That's the thing my dear Watson," Aunt Susan said matter-of-factly while knowingly raising a finger towards me, "the world isn't fair."

We couldn't help but laugh a little. The words never really hitting us, no matter how true Aunt Susan had spoken. It was just so sad that you couldn't help but laugh just a little bit.

Aunt Susan corrected one of my braids before putting a hand on my shoulder, leading me out the door. Everyone was gathered in the living room – except my mother, who was with no doubt freaking herself out in the kitchen – making small talk.

Hans turned his head as Aunt Susan and I approached, finishing chewing his mouthful of Christmas cookies. Aunt Susan opened her arms wide, gesturing for Hans to come give her a hug. He obliged hesitantly, hardly making eye contact with his aunt.

"How's my favorite nephew?" Aunt Susan jittered.

"I'm your only nephew," Hans muttered.

"Which makes you my favorite!" She cheered, ignoring his tone of voice.

I knew Aunt Susan at times had a hard time seeing past Hans' arrogance. To me it was obvious that if Aunt Susan had had any other nephews, Hans would most definitely _not_ be her favorite. Although Aunt Susan was good at hiding her dislike towards her Hans, it wasn't hard for me to see through her façade. Let alone see through my brother's façade. That boy had for some reason always despised his aunt. My theory was that it was clear that I was Aunt Susan's favorite. However, the only reason for that was that Hans was clearly the favorite in the eyes of our parents. Despite my mother's constant fussing over me, there was no doubt that she was proud of Hans to the extend that if they for some utterly bizarre reason had to choose who would pass on the family genes, they would choose Hans.

She loved us both, she really did. Contrary in my father's eyes, where Hans was the Greek God and I was the peasant working in the field.

"Dinner is ready!" My mother suddenly called from the dining room.

She might as well have said, "Let hell break loose."

* * *

><p>We were all gathered around the dinner table on Christmas Eve. The duck was placed in the center, shining with it's glazed skin. My mother was the last to sit down. She smoothed out her apron and fixed her hair before taking her seat.<p>

I wasn't hungry, the tense atmosphere had me fed up already. It was always like this when my grandparents came to visit – the one's on my mother's side. My dad's parents had died long ago.

Now we were all gathered around my mother's ridiculously perfectionistic Christmas feast. Aunt Susan was sitting next to me, while I had Hans on my other side. He was sitting in his finest red Christmas shirt, going on and on about some lame sorority he had recently joined. Everyone seemed deeply engrossed in his college adventures, maybe apart from Aunt Susan – but we're talking about entertaining a woman who would practically wrestle an alligator for fun. Aunt Susan's elbow was popped up on the table, and clearly her and I were equally skilled in ignoring our mother's glare when such improper manners occurred.

It didn't seem to bother Aunt Susan, but it sure looked like it was bothering my mother. She wanted this dinner to go smoothly.

"This all looks lovely Adrianna," my granddad said to his daughter.

Everyone around the table agreed and kept eating. I'll just go out and say it: It was awkward. Even with Hans' lone monologue about the wonders of his college career, things still didn't feel at ease.

"So Anna, how's school?" My grandmother asked. Just as I thought it couldn't get more awkward.

I felt attacked so suddenly. I knew my grandmother was indirectly asking me whether I'd gotten my shit together.

"Mom, I told you. Anna is taking a little time off," my mother intervened with a delicate voice, sculpting her words carefully.

Her words hung in the air though, just above the duck, dangling in front of our noses. My dad took a sip of his wine.

"Oh, but how long is a little? I thought her break was over by now," her voice was stiff. The utter lack of empathy and understanding had my toes cringe. The way they spoke as if I wasn't even there.

"Anna is a bright girl, she should be in school," my grandfather added judgmentally. You should have seen the look on my mother's face. Her parents were indirectly blaming her and my dad for my failure.

"You know, why don't we talk about something else? The weather for example? That would be less painful to listen to," Aunt Susan shot in from the sideline.

My parents and grandparents all sat with stiff smiles on their lips. Hans was just eating, obviously not interested in the conversation unless it revolved around him. When no one was looking, I mouthed 'thank you' and in return Aunt Susan glanced over at me and send me a discreet wink. Then she returned to poking around her food with her fork.

"What about you Susan? How are things going with that… blog of yours?" My granddad tried. But the conversation was already doomed by the way he had said the word 'blog.' The word was said with such disinterest… such disgust.

"As the matter a fact thing are going quite swell, thank you for asking," she answered chipper. Only_ I_ heard the venomous undertone that was well hidden beneath the angelic daughter façade.

But my grandparents were pushing it when my grandma asked, "are you seeing anybody?"

Aunt Susan dropped her fork on her plate in defeat.

"Could we not get into the discussion of my love-life please," Aunt Susan begged, and uttered a sigh for the first time that evening. I must have sighed at least twenty times already, and I was impressed Aunt Susan had held it back this long.

"We're just curious Darling. We would all like to see you settle down with a nice guy."

Aunt Susan shrugged it off, taking a sip of her wine and leaning back into her seat. This wasn't the first time Aunt Susan had been called out on the lack of a man in her life. Sure, she was much younger than my mother, but my grandparents had admitted they would have liked to see her married long ago.

"When will that be you think?" My grandmother pushed.

Aunt Susan slugged the rest of her wine down, and swallowed it loudly.

"I don't know mother, can we not do this again? I'm not in the mood for another interrogation this Christmas," my aunt mumbled.

"Susan Honey, you know we only want the best for you. But those grandkids don't just make themselv-"

"Please mother! Would you just _shut. Up_?"

"Susan!" My grandmother uttered in a highly offended tone of voice.

Aunt Susan was out of her chair now, having pushed it back in one smooth motion. If I were ever to make a dramatic exit, I would surely have tipped over my chair, or perhaps slammed the door so hard a window would crack. Not Aunt Susan though. She was smooth.

"Don't you 'Susan' me! I'm sick and tired of the same questions each year. I'm a grown woman and I can make my own decisions."

My grandmother put down her cutlery. Everyone around the table was silent. Except Hans, he was still eating.

"Why do you have to be so stubborn? Goodness, I wish you could be more like your sister sometimes!"

And there it was. The thing we rarely spoke of. How Aunt Susan had grown up in the shadow of her sister. It wasn't my mother's fault. She just had a natural urge to please everybody, and live up to standards that were nearly unreachable. She set the bar high.

"Thanks for a lovely meal Adrianna," Aunt Susan said before excusing herself, making sure her napkin was disposed onto her dinner plate.

I wanted to grab her arm and make her sit back down. I didn't want to be alone with these people. My mom was the only person who looked mildly disturbed by Aunt Susan's exit. She loved her sister. But she couldn't help that she had always been the favorite. It had just been in her nature. But she loved Susan, and Susan loved her. I knew that. That's why it was so hard for me to see her leave.

Dinner continued relentlessly. We ate pie for dessert, and drank hot glögg in front of the fireplace.

I hardly said anything all evening. I sipped from my cup, and looked at our Christmas tree. I wondered what Elsa was doing right now. I had every intention of finding out.

* * *

><p>I excused myself an hour later, saying I was feeling ill. I walked to my room and put on my hoodie and sports pants. On my bed I left a note saying I was out for a morning jog – just in case I didn't make it home before opening presents in the morning, which we usually scheduled for 8 o'clock in the morning. I pulled on my sneakers and opened the window.<p>

"Come on Mr. Oak, just work with me on this one," I mumbled.

I wasn't exactly the picture of sophisticated grace climbing down that big old tree – but I made it. Quietly I pulled out my old bike from the garage. The car would make too much noise and it would be obvious when my grandparents left that I'd snuck out. I know, I know, 'Anna you're twenty years, you don't need to _sneak_ out.' But I did. Firstly, it was _Christmas_. Secondly, how would I explain _where_ I was going? And thirdly, I had practice in the morning after opening presents. Not with the team but with my private couch.

The roads were deserted. The snow was falling so peacefully from the black sky. There was no wind, making the snow land gently against my skin and hair. The streetlamp lit up a wave of snowflakes, igniting the thousands of dancing little flakes in its beaming light.

I took a left turn, turning off the road. Twenty minutes of hard pedaling and I was at the not-so abandoned houses by the edge of town. I was merely minutes from the fjord.

There was a vague light in one window, lazily attempted to be hidden behind a black curtain. It came from Elsa's room.

With two freezing hands I scooped up a handful of snow, and shaped it into a sphere. I launched it gently at the window – afraid too much force would actually make the glass disconnect from its frame.

Seconds later, a startled Elsa appeared by the window. Curiously, she peaked out from behind the black curtain. Her eyes were still wide until they fixated on me. Then her shocked expression turned soft.

She pushed open the window, it hardly bulged, but Elsa fought. Finally, it opened and she leaned out the window.

"Merry Christmas," she said in the sweetest voice.

"Merry Christmas," I said back. It was kind of like an agreement. This Christmas just turned merry.

We smiled at each other.

"So…" Elsa stated, biting her bottom lip. "Are you gonna stand out there all day?"

I shrugged. Honestly, I didn't know what I expected by showing up by Elsa's door. If she invited me in, or if we simply exchanged a few loving words on Christmas Eve, it didn't matter to me. I just wanted to see her.

"Ofelia isn't here?" I asked uncertain.

I wouldn't want to barge in on their Christmas.

"No," the girl huffed, "and even if she was, you would still have to come up here and kiss me."

I couldn't climb the stairs fast enough. There was nothing in the whole wide world I wanted more than to kiss Elsa right now. Of course, I'd forgotten about the dresser that blocked the door, although I was thankful Elsa was taking precaution. As soon as she opened the door, I slammed our lips together, and pulled her close to me. Elsa just managed to push the door shut before throwing her arms around my shoulders. She was just as eager to kiss me, as I was to kiss her.

The kiss grew less intense and more gentle. When we pulled apart, Elsa licked her lips and closed her eyes. Her forehead rested against mine, and she led one hand down to rest on top of my heart. It was beating fast. Elsa's nose touched mine.

"Where's Ofelia…?" I whispered, clearly distracted by Elsa's hand resting on my chest. Could she feel the intensity of it? How hard it was beating? Like the hooves of thousand stampeding stallions, that's how fast it was beating. Or at least how fast it felt.

"She's out…," Elsa whispered back huskily. Her voice was so sexy. "She wanted to wish a friend happy Christmas…."

"I see…" was my only response.

The tip of her nose tickled mine. My hands were restless, until I decided to hold firmly onto Elsa's lovely hips. That didn't last long however, because soon she pulled me towards the staircase. One step at a time, Elsa lead me towards her bedroom. We were almost by the end of the staircase by now. My heart was beating fast.

"Anna…?" Elsa whispered a little out of breath.

"Yeah?" I answered catching the sudden seriousness in her voice.

We just stood a moment in each other's arms. Elsa's mouth was hanging open ever so slightly. Her lips were a rosy color, and I couldn't help but think nothing was preventing me from kissing them.

"Have you ever done this before?" She asked nervously, releasing a shaky breath.

"Yes," I answered calmly. "Have you?"

Elsa didn't respond but merely shook her head. It was a mystery to me that someone as loving and beautiful hadn't had experienced intimacy. On second thought, Elsa had had more important and serious problems occupying her mind, no doubt outweighing the primal act of sex. Survival was the first concern, then came reproduction.

I wanted to reassure her that she was in gentle hands. That I was honored that I was her first, and I didn't take the responsibility lightly. Elsa didn't look nervous. In fact, she looked as if she was ready. There was no sign of doubt on her face. No sign of insecurity or worry.

"You're in safe hands then," I whispered in her ear.

Our lips met in a passionate kiss. I pushed open the door without breaking the kiss. I only broke the kiss as we fell over in the bed. I landed on top of Elsa, and reunited our lips once more.

The first time we made love was on Christmas Eve.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Wish I could've posted this even closer to Christmas.

Currently 4:30 in the morning, super jetlacked, hope this was readable.

Bonus: For those of you who may not know, Anna's last name "Lykke" means happiness or luck in Norwegian. Couldn't help but think about the lovely irony.


	12. Say Love

**Chapter 12 – Say love**

**Warning/heads up: **adult scenes.

* * *

><p>The first Elsa and I had sex was the most beautiful moment of my existence. It was so pure, so simple and so innocent. Nothing like those hot messes you read about, or disgusting things you watch. No, nothing like that at all.<p>

This was nothing like having gross and messy sex. This wasn't just 'a fuck.' We were _making love_. This was the kind of sex that had every cell in your body stir, as if they were getting ready to explode. This was the kind of sex that could change everything between two people. The kind of sex that had you smiling the whole next day, and maybe even the day after that.

It was calm and casual, and not such a big deal. Actually, it _was_ a big deal, but we didn't _make_ it seem big. It was one of those first times where your eyes connect and you're just having a silent conversation with your bodies.

You're moving as one.

One of those times where there is nothing between you, barely even air. We took everything so slow. I had time to caress her cheek. Time to smile at her, and have her smile back at me. There was no rush. There were room for mistakes, and room for laughs. It didn't have to be so serious.

I was on top of her. She didn't mind letting me take the lead. It was her first time after all. But Elsa was so calm and collected. As if, she was born to do this with me. That we were born to make love to each other.

I remember her breath against my neck. It was shuddering. My fingers were inside of her, and it was as if they were cut out perfectly just to fit Elsa. I was stroking her gentle, careful when penetrating her for the first time. She let out a tiny whimper as I did, and I pushed myself closer to her so she could hold on to me. She was feeling my back muscles working. Our breathes became heavy. My face was buried in her neck. I was kissing it lightly.

I was pressed up against her naked body. In the beginning, her legs had wrapped around me, and I was simply pleasuring her. Elsa had other ideas though, and half-way through decided to slip a hand down there too. Her legs were spread so wonderfully, and I was placed in between them. As my fingers buried themselves in her womanhood as Elsa gently let go of me with one hand, searching for my center. This caused for some readjustments, but soon we found the right position and we fit together like two puzzle pieces once again.

The mattress was comfortable, but the springs were rusty, and so the mattress was squeaking in the same rhythm as my thrusts.

Her hair stuck to her forehead, and she glistered just the slightest from the tiny layer of sweat. I felt the heat too as I pushed myself deep inside of her. She rewarded me with moans of utmost pleasure whenever I hit her sweet spot, letting me know whenever I did something right, and whenever I did something _really_ right.

She was very careful in the beginning, her fingers never exploring as much as I would have liked them to. But soon she found the right technique, and I rewarded her with a moan, along with a, "keep going."

At one point our eyes connected. Our mouths were slightly open both from pleasure, but also because breathing through our noses didn't provide enough oxygen to keep us going. Elsa then smiled at me and kissed me on the lips.

I'll never forget that smile.

Then she leaned her head back into the pillow and started working her fingers again.

We didn't come at the same time, but we were so damn close that next time we definitely would get it right. Elsa came first, and I felt her tighten around my fingers. She cried out, not loudly, but surely a high-pitched moan escaped her throat as she came undone underneath me.

Her face when she came still replays in my mind sometimes. Her eyes were closed and she arched her back. Her mouth hung open as she gasped for air. Her body was shaking and her hands were trembling.

Just as she came down from her high, she pumped her fingers a few more times, as she was catching her breath and then it was my turn. Me, I just let out a shaky breath, feeling my whole body tense up as I reached my peak. Her fingers kept working letting me ride out my orgasm, something I probably should've done with her too, but she was driving me crazy and the explosion of emotions made my mind foggy.

It took some to come down from that breath-shuddering orgasm of mine. Elsa stroked my back, hugging me close as I was trying to catch my breath. I was laying on top of her, our breasts pushed together. Elsa was so soft against me. I could hardly believe it. Ever since that night where I'd found Elsa almost freezing to death, I'd wanted to lie close to her again. Preferably without any clothes separating us this time. And now here we were.

Elsa was shuttering, the cold finally making its presence. I guess when you're knuckle-deep into each other, you barely notice the sharp cold that's trying to in capsule you. My body stared trembling as well. Finally, as my breath was somewhat under my control again, I lifted my head. My body was heavy, and my head felt like it weighed tons. Either way, I lifted my head, pulling back only the slightest to catch a glimpse of Elsa.

My Elsa.

I couldn't actually believe it. I just had sex with my Elsa. It felt like yesterday when she asked me to kiss her for the first time. I had actually felt something other than nothingness. I had been scared to throw myself into being intimate with Elsa. I was worried I wouldn't feel anything. I was worried I wouldn't feel anything like the other's. Like the boy Kristoff I had experimented with in my first year of college. The boy who wanted to be more than friends, who I eventually gave into, only to see if it would evoke anything inside of me.

I used him.

I know that wasn't very nice, but I figured it wasn't such a big deal. He got to have sex, and I got to discover that I was an emotionally numb wreck who sought to sex as a distraction.

I was scared it would be the same with Elsa. And thank God it wasn't. I had actually felt something other than utter disgust towards myself. I still couldn't put words on the feelings. But one thing I was certain of: they weren't _things_.

I looked at my Elsa who was smiling gently at me. She pushed my bangs back, and they fell back over my forehead as her hand wandered down my cheek. She was stroking my cheek with her thumb ever so lightly. She had the touch of an angel.

And then I cried.

It wasn't like a hysterical sob, like the one time in the car, but more like silent tears trailing down my cheeks. Occasionally a sob would escape, shaking my shoulders, which simply made Elsa hold me tighter. The tears were a mixture of everything.

Happiness. Sadness. Love. Hurt. Fear. Hope. Lust. Relief.

Elsa held me close as the tears were dripping down my face, staining her beautiful naked skin. My head was resting on her bare chest, and she kissed the top of my head.

"I love you Anna," she said.

And gosh did I love her too. The mere thought of it just made the tears press on harder. I wanted to say 'I love you' back, but right now, I couldn't. Elsa understood though. She knew how big this was for me.

We laid for what felt like hours in each other's embrace.

I loved Elsa. I loved her with all that was left of my heart. With the few parts of my poor organ that was still alive. But those few parts loved her so dearly. They loved her with every fight they had left in them. Losing Elsa would kill those last parts of my heart. Then there would only be the tiny parts left that loved my family. I wasn't sure if that was enough to ensure a sustainable life. I guess it would have to do if Elsa ever was to fall out of love with me. You may notice how I said if _Elsa_ should ever fall out of love, and not both of us. I think I knew already then I would never stop loving Elsa.

But I couldn't tell her that. Because what if this feeling was gone tomorrow? What if it _was_ just a _thing_? I wouldn't be able to live with myself if that were to happen. I couldn't control anything that was going on inside my body. And when you can't control anything that goes on inside of you, and since it's a well-known fact that you can't control anything that goes on _outside_ of your body either, needless to say it leaves you frightened.

I didn't want Elsa to feel obligated to stay just because I loved her. I knew she loved me too, as of mere seconds ago, but if she was ever to move on with her life, I didn't want to be the one holding her back. I took what I could get. Elsa wouldn't want to be stuck with an emotional cripple for the rest of her life.

But goodness did I love her. I couldn't really remember what love felt like, but I imagined it was something like this. It still wasn't there completely, the feeling. Something was still holding me back. But I was going in the right direction. That at least, I could feel.

Elsa kept stroking a hand up and down my back until I fell asleep. We woke up in the same position. Me in Elsa's loving embrace, my head resting on her chest. Elsa's breaths were steady. She was awake. A slight feeling of dejavu occurred. I was brought back to the very first night we spend together. Although, at that time, the roles were reversed, and it was Elsa who was on top of me.

The sun peaked it's head out and nearly broke through those black curtains Elsa so sloppily had hung up the night before. I took a deep inhale and stretched my stiff joints.

"Good morning Sleepy Head," Elsa smiled as I slowly opened my eyes. I felt completely dehydrated from the tears I had shred the night before.

I wasn't much in the mood for talking, so instead I just kissed her good morning. Feeling Elsa's naked body against mine would never get old. As I stretched for the phone in my pocket, I felt tiny Goosebumps rise on her skin. I quickly snatched my phone and pulled the comforter back over Elsa and me. The clock read 08:13, and I had three missed calls from my mom.

I sighed heavily and rolled off of Elsa. I was flat on my back now, and it didn't take Elsa two seconds to roll onto her side and push herself up against me.

"You talk you in your sleep…," she mumbled out of the blue.

"Oh…," I said clearing my throat. So suddenly, I was nervous…ish. "What… what did I say?"

Elsa took a breath through her nose and kissed my shoulder. Her arm reached across me and rested over my stomach. She was drawing small circles on my skin, dangerously close to my breast. So close in fact I was almost turned on again, and wanted to throw Elsa on her back in a wild frenzy.

"You kept wimping 'Let me out of here.' And then your voice got so serious and you were begging for someone to save you. I tried to wake you, but you were sleeping pretty deep," Elsa kissed my shoulder again.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, feeling the sadness slowly swallowing me. I wasn't even safe in the arms of my Elsa.

"Don't be sorry," she said and reached to plant a hand on my cheek to turn my head. "I'm just worried about you…."

Her voice was barely a whisper, and I could see the fear in her eyes.

"Do you remember anything from your dream?" She asked quietly, snuggling closer to me.

"No," I answered while shaking my head just a tad. I swallowed hard, feeling as if my throat was closing up.

"It's okay, shh…," Elsa said as she saw the tear roll down my cheek. She pulled me in for a hug, so that we were both laying on our sides.

"Elsa… about what you said last night…" I mumbled, but unable to finish.

"It's okay Anna. You don't have to say it back if you can't right now. But I'm hoping some day you will," she pulled back and said hopefully, catching a tear working its way down my cheek.

My phone buzzed again, but it wasn't hard to ignore it.

"Maybe you should get that…," Elsa said in all seriousness.

I shook my head.

"They can go another hour without me, I'm sure," I said kissing Elsa's lips. She kissed me back, cupping one of my cheeks as she did.

"You have the softest lips," the blonde whispered as she pulled back.

That made me smile, and I gave another quick peck. In fact, I decided to sprinkle her with kisses, making her roll onto her back. I kissed every inch of her face, and Elsa was laughing begging me to stop, although I knew she didn't mean it. I was between her legs again, and her hands were on my shoulders, gently trying to push me away to stop the tickling bombarding of kisses. I finally heard her prayers, and gave her one last kiss on the mouth.

Resting on one elbow, I reached over to brush Elsa's hair behind her ear.

"Last night… I wasn't too rough on you, was I?" I asked worriedly.

The expression on Elsa's face was made of pure happiness.

"No, you were perfect," she breathed, "I can't wait to do it again."

Her response took me by surprise. I felt the blood rush to my head, and my cheeks started burning. Relieved that the girl had enjoyed our first time as much as I had, I felt the urge to scratch the back of my head and send her a shy smile. Elsa giggled, cupping my face with both of her hands now. Her fingers felt cold against my burning skin.

"That's the first time I've ever seen you blush," she laughed.

She was right. This was the first time I'd blushed around Elsa. Around anyone. I was slowly turning human again. Elsa made me human. I cleared my throat.

"Well, hopefully, it won't be the last time," I mumbled shyly.

"Hopefully not," she agreed, a wide smile creeping onto her face.

A thought entered my mind. Now it was my turn to smile. It was my turn to make her blush. I pulled off the covers, exposing Elsa's naked body. Elsa's eyes widened in surprise. I slid my hand all the way from her shoulder, over her breast, down to her hip. I remembered what Ofelia had told me. About how to make Elsa blush. Right there, on Elsa's hipbone, was a tiny birthmark. It was shaped a snowflake.

I looked up at my Elsa, and true enough, her cheeks started blooming red.

"I-it's just a birthmark," she stuttered. "I was born with it. Well, of course I was born with it, or else they wouldn't call it a birthmark," Elsa face palmed herself, and I laughed. For second it was like hearing myself rambling on about something.

I slid a finger over it, feeling the smoothness of her skin. Then I leaned down and kissed it. This made Elsa smile and her blush only grew deeper. I kept kissing it, before kissing my way up her torso and up to her lips.

"It's beautiful…," I whispered. And I wanted to keep kissing her. I didn't want to stop. "And who said anything about waiting?" I smirked playfully at the girl beneath me.

With that, I disappeared under the covers, thankful Elsa's legs were already in position. Out of utter surprise, Elsa sat up straight. Before she could protest, my hot tongue already licked the length of her womanhood. A gasp sounded from above, as my arms wrapped around her thighs.

"Not fair…," she whimpered. "I wanted to do it to you…" Her breathing was already struggled.

It was a lame protest the blonde mustered, because while she said it, her hand found my hair and pushed my face closer to her longing center. My tongue stopped rolling over Elsa's wet core for just a second only to say, "Well, life isn't fair darling."

We were barely halfway into it when we heard a knock on the door. I was ready to ignore it, but that was until I heard a way too familiar voice yelling on the other side.

"You get three seconds to readjust yourselves into appropriate positions!" Aunt Susan called from outside Elsa's bedroom door.

My head shot up, and I rolled of off Elsa, while I wiped my mouth with my wrist. Elsa looked startled, clutching the comforter close to her bare body. The door swung open and in stormed Aunt Susan, Ofelia right behind her. Elsa's cheeks were fiery red, and her blush spread to the tips of her ears.

"Get up sleeping beauties. Anna we gotta go, your mom is going ballistic. She's threatening to send out a search party for you."

Aunt Susan entered the room as if she had been here a million times before. She started to collect my clothes and threw them at me. Elsa simply sat in utter shock, pulling the blanket tightly around herself to cover her naked chest. I was covered alright, but that wasn't my number one concern. Ofelia stood in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest. I noticed she made eye contact with Elsa, and the older woman send a wink and a thumbs up.

"Aunt Susan…" I said in disbelief. The woman simply paced around the room searching for my dispersed clothes. "What're you doing here? How'd you know I was here?"

Aunt Susan just kept pacing, I had never seen her like this. Maybe she had been worried. I had just assumed she knew I was with Elsa.

"Look it's pretty damn hard to cover your ass when you pull stuff like this. You know better than not showing up for Christmas morning," she fumed.

To my surprise, Ofelia stepped forward, grabbing my aunt's arm.

"Easy now love, the girls were just spending a night together," the black haired woman soothed.

Suddenly, nothing made sense. '_Love_'? What the hell was going on? Maybe I should just ask.

"What the hell is going on?" I asked.

Elsa looked just as confused. Aunt Susan finally threw my shirt at my face, and put it on angrily. I was angry no one was telling me what was going on. Ofelia and Aunt Susan were now facing each, looking as if they were having a rather heated argument.

"I don't mind them spending the night together, but I mind that my niece stands my sister up on her most precious day of the year!" It was the first time I had ever seen Aunt Susan lose her cool.

"I know darling, but give the girl some room to breathe. Anna is just reacting to all of this. I understand why she doesn't want to go back after last night," Ofelia said in a gentle but stern tone of voice. I couldn't believe Ofelia was defending me. She hardly knew me, other than I was currently banging her roommate. That didn't sound right. Elsa and I didn't just 'bang'. Stupid brain.

Speaking of stupid brain, my brain couldn't find heads or tails in this mess. How did Ofelia and my aunt know each other?

"This happens _every_ year!" Aunt Susan argued.

"I know! You told me that. But Susan, this isn't supposed to happen _at all_. People aren't supposed to waltz out on Christmas Eve during a nice family dinner. No wonder the girl would rather want to spend the day in bed with her girlfriend!" The black-haired woman would shout back.

"That still isn't an excuse Ofelia! Especially not if she doesn't want to risk being caught and having to explain to her parents where she's been! I really don't think my sister and her husband would appreciate her daughter coming out to them on Christmas morning!"

The way they were talking as if I wasn't even there. It made me want run away. It made me want to hide under the comforter. Aunt Susan was using wild hand gestures, while Ofelia was standing with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Does it matter when she comes out?! If they don't accept it today, what makes you think they will accept it two days from now? Or two weeks from now?" Ofelia pointed out, and Aunt Susan rolled her eyes at her.

"I just don't want to ruin my sister's morning, that's all! Is that too much to ask?"

The shouting was giving me a headache. I had been too busy trying to figure out what was going on and listen to the two women fight about me, that I hadn't noticed Elsa had turned all tense and stiff beside me. Her jaw was clenched together, and she looked like she was about to cry.

"Can someone tell us what the hell is going on?!" Elsa suddenly shouted, overpowering the two older women and their disputes. The room fell quiet, and everyone's attention shifted towards Elsa.

"I won't have all this arguing in my room. Either you leave so Anna and I can get dressed, or you tell us what's going on right now," the blonde's voice was firm. Elsa wanted order - although, her cheeks betrayed her, and her face was flushed. She was rubbing her temples.

Aunt Susan was pinching the bridge of her nose, and sighed heavily.

"Get dressed. Anna meet me in the car in two minutes. I'll explain on the way," Aunt Susan's sentences were short. She still hadn't gotten her temper under control. Either way, I would still take Aunt Susan's scolding over my mother's any day. Aunt Susan could never stay mad at me for long.

The two left Elsa's room, leaving us to get dressed in privacy. Despite how serious the day had just turned, I couldn't help but sneak a peek as Elsa rose from the bed in all of her naked glory. She was still in on edge after the loud argument the older women had had. As soon as I had put my pants on, I walked towards her and wrapped my arms around her. She hugged me back, and rested her cheek on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry I got you in trouble…," she whispered.

"Oh Elsa, you didn't get me in trouble…," I breathed, touched by the girl's concern. "Either way… you're worth getting in trouble for."

Elsa huffed a breath of air against my shoulder, nuzzling in closer to me. When we pulled apart, the blonde snatched a tiny tear that was on its way down her cheek. I wiped her eyes and kissed her on the nose.

"Thank you for last night. I'll see you later," I mumbled, kissing her once more, "I gotta go figure out what's going on."

I left Elsa in her room. I regretted doing so, because as I looked back, I saw her arms were wrapped around her torso. She tried sending me a brave smile, but I didn't buy it.

As I reached the bottom of the staircase, Ofelia was standing by the door.

"I think you should check on Elsa… she seems a bit upset about what happened," my voice was strong for some reason. I think it was the protectiveness of Elsa that fuelled it. "… and… thank you for having my back."

"No problem Short-stuff," she smiled and winked.

I was about to walk out the door, but Ofelia grabbed my arm. Her tiny fingers were strong, and she held a firm grip on my upper arm.

"I'm only saying this because I think it says somewhere in the sister-code. But that girl is my freaking life. If you hurt her, I can't assure the consequences."

I sighed heavily. _I feel like it's going to be one of those days where people are just out to get me…_

I nodded at Ofelia's sisterly words and continued down the stairs. I dreaded getting into the car with Aunt Susan. First of all, because we were going to be driving home to my fuming mother, and second of all, because Aunt Susan still looked grumpy.

I got in and slammed the door behind me, fighting the urge to crank up the stereo and just ignore my aunt all the way to the house. But for once, I was actually curious. It had been a while since I'd shown this big of an interest in something – other than Elsa.

Aunt Susan pulled out on the road in silence. It took a while before she spoke, but when she did, I wish she hadn't.

"Sometimes I forget that you can be just as reckless as I can be," she stated.

Why did she have to get all mad at me? She was the one with the secret obviously. I knew staying away from Christmas morning was a lousy thing to do. I shouldn't have done it, but temptation had gotten the best of me. I was tired of being kept in the dark. I had to know what was going on with Aunt Susan and Ofelia.

"Are you gonna tell me what that was back there? How do you know Ofelia?... Are… a-are you dating her?" My voice sounded more judgmental than intended. I didn't care whether Ofelia and my aunt were dating. What bothered me was that she didn't tell me.

Aunt Susan nodded.

Before I could stop it, a laugh escaped my throat. Aunt Susan turned her head and send me an odd look. I couldn't help it. Ofelia and my aunt? I did not see that one coming. Those two were a crazy match. Quite literally – they were both insane. So actually, that made them perfect for each other.

At once things started to fall into place. My aunt being gone the time I had saved Elsa from hypothermia, and Ofelia never giving Elsa a reason for not showing up. Aunt Susan leaving the Christmas dinner, and Ofelia conveniently 'having to wish a friend happy Christmas'.

"How long?" I asked, still a bit weirded out, and perhaps a bit hurt she hadn't told me.

Aunt Susan cleared her throat. I saw her grip on the wheel tightened.

"Four years," she answered.

"Four years!?" I exclaimed. "Four years and you didn't think of mentioning it? You didn't even care to inform me that you were gay, after accusing _me_ of being gay?!"

"I wasn't accusing you of anything Anna. I was just given you a gentle push. I've known for years, I just wanted you to realize it for yourself."

"Gee thanks…" I snapped.

"Can I just explain myself please?"

"Be my guest! The floor is all your," I growled, making a hand gesture towards all the imaginary floor Aunt Susan could ever want.

"Listen, I didn't tell you because I didn't want your thing with Elsa to be influenced by what I have with Ofelia. I didn't want you guys to hold back because of us. You needed to figure out your own thing. I know Elsa wasn't exactly sure either," she explained.

Of course Ofelia had probably told everything about Elsa to my Aunt Susan. It almost annoyed me that she knew more about them and their history than I did. But again… I hadn't really asked. No, because I was respectful like that. Or maybe not. Maybe it was time for me to show a greater interest in Elsa's life.

"Let me guess, Ofelia told you that," I said, honestly a bit pissed.

"Yeah, she did. She's told me a lot about Elsa and their situation. I knew exactly who she was when I found you guys in your bed that morning."

Of course she knew who Elsa was when she saw her in my room that morning. Of course! Because telling Anna wouldn't be a significant factor in this messed up situation. _By the way Anna, I'm banging Elsa's favorite person in the world – but that's not important, so I'll just pretend I have no clue who this hot blonde who just waltzed out of your room is. I'll just make you look stupid with all the important info I got, which I have no intentions of sharing with you…_

This whole thing made me consider what else I didn't know about my aunt. Who knew? Was anyone supposed to know? What had she really spend her time during all of her time on the road? For all I knew, she could be a bear-wrestling astronaut, or a spy watching my every step. _Okay, now you're just being dramatic, Lykke._

"… does mom know?" Was the first thing I asked. It felt important. We would soon be back at the house, and I needed to know how to play this.

"No," Aunt Susan said quickly. "No one knows. I didn't want your parents to think I was some contaminating virus. I thought it was best that they didn't know, so when you came out, I could talk some sense into them, instead of them thinking I was the one who did this to you."

I was touched by how protective Aunt Susan was of me. It seemed as she had thought everything through. Although, I wasn't sure whether I agreed with most of her choices. Sure, she didn't have to tell my parents – that was probably a wise choice – but me? The fact that she hadn't told me about any of this, that hit me hard.

"… so you've been meaning to tell me, that you've seen Ofelia for all of these years without anyone knowing? How does that even work? You aren't even here half of the time."

_Stop sounding like an offended teenager. If you stopped acting like a spoiled brat about this, maybe Aunt Susan would trust you with such information another time._

"Ofelia and I have been on and off a couple of times, but I always end up coming back to her. She's okay with my constant travelling, and I know that she has a life here with Elsa she can't leave… but Anna this time its different. I'm staying for good this time. I'm done with the life on the road. I want to be here with you. With Ofelia – and Elsa of course."

The anger swelling inside slowly started to evaporate. Aunt Susan was staying? Not only was she staying, she was staying for my sake – and Ofelia's of course. My voice started to lighten a bit. I could see Aunt Susan had given this a lot of thought. Everything she had done – telling me or not telling me – she had done for selfless reasons.

"Why haven't you moved in with Ofelia? You could buy a place here in Arendelle," I mumbled encouraging.

Aunt Susan sighed, and I could see her shoulders drop, losing their tension.

"I can't afford it Anna," she said while her eyes were on the road. "I can't even afford a place of my own, why do you think I've been living with you guys for so long? How would I be able to provide for both Elsa and Ofelia when I can hardly provide for myself? On the road, I just made enough money to get through the day. I've never struggled, because I have a secure network of family and friend. Something that Elsa and Ofelia doesn't have."

She was right. Both Aunt Susan and I had something to fall back on if things didn't work out. We had a safety network. Elsa had lost her parents and Ofelia was kicked out. What stroke me the most was that Elsa and Ofelia were both missing puzzle pieces. They had managed to get out of the system, and still hiding underneath the couch. But looking at the now, it was heartbreaking to see what had become of them. I couldn't help but hate the world. Was this really it? Either be part of the system, or thrown on the street?

"So you're just gonna stay in the closet forever? What happens if I ever tell mom and dad? Are you just gonna pretend for the rest of your life, just to protect me?" I wanted to feel guilty, but I was overwhelmed by so many other emotions. It was still too much. I guess the night with Elsa still filled me the most. My body wasn't handling all this reoccurring feelings so well yet. I became too overwhelmed too fast.

Aunt Susan snickered.

"Of course not Sweet-pea. I love Ofelia, and one day I'm going to tell the whole world. But I want you find your feet first. I know you've been having a hard time, and I think coming out to your parents on top of all of that ain't gonna end well. So please don't worry about me Anna-bear. Just do your thing, and know that I've got your back, and I'll handle my own things, alright?"

Silence.

I was filled to the bursting point with all these weird intense feelings. I was about ready to hurl. They were occupying my everything. I swallowed hard.

"Alright," I sighed. It sounded strained.

I needed to change the subject. Right now. Or else I would have to ask Aunt Susan to pull over, or simply vomit out the window.

"So you and Ofelia huh? How'd that happen?" I asked, rolling down the window, and taking a deep breath. The fresh air soothed my lungs and I felt better.

A smile spread across Aunt Susan's face now, I could see the joy in her eyes. The tension in the air was gone, and I could feel the nausea settling.

"Funny story actually, I was out cow-tipping one night on the fields just by the edge of Arendelle, super drunk I might add. That's where I met an equally drunk Ofelia doing the exact same thing," my aunt said giggling.

_Crazy people_, I thought. Only Aunt Susan could start a story out with 'one night I was out drunkenly tipping cows, and that's where I met the love of my life.' It was quite admirable actually. I guess it almost beat 'walking home one night discovering a girl nearly freezing to death, for then to take her home and grind your half naked body against hers to warm her up.' Maybe Aunt Susan wasn't crazy at all. Perhaps I just hadn't discovered how crazy _I_ was yet.

Her beautiful long brown hair was tied back, really giving me the opportunity to watch joyful her face became when she talked about Ofelia.

"We were so in love – still are. Every time I would come back to Arendelle, it was as if no time had passed. We've kept it hidden from Elsa because I would only be here for weeks at a time, and I wasn't exactly the perfect role model at that point – your mom is right about some things, you know? Anyway, we were going to tell her this time around, because I'd decided to stay. But then you guys became a thing, and you were so adorable, so we just wanted to leave you alone for a little while."

I smiled by the thought of Ofelia and Aunt Susan discussing Elsa's and I's relationship. How they secretly tried to protect us, even before we became an item.

I looked out the window and discovered we were home already. Aunt Susan was already on her way out the car.

"You ready short-stuff?"

I groaned loudly.

"Please, not you too!" I complained. It was enough that annoying nickname had stuck with Ofelia.

My aunt laughed, and we walked towards the house together, her arm draped over my shoulder. Hans' angry face was the first thing I saw as I walked through the door.


	13. Ice Birthdays

**Chapter 13 – Ice Birthdays**

"… _But I am scared. I am so terrified. My blood runs cold every time I think of it…,_" I read aloud as I wrote ferociously. I was typing what seemed like a million words a minute. I couldn't risk forgetting the few words of inspiration that had hit me as I was getting dressed. Finally my creativity ran out, and I clicked 'save' on the document.

Then I returned to my wardrobe, and pulled on a shirt. My hair was still damp after my shower. Practice had beat me down pretty hard today. My coach had repeatedly yelled at me, telling me to get my head in the game. I was about ready to break out into song, full Troy Bolton style, telling him who could stick it where the sun don't shine. But I didn't. Because I knew I was on thin ice.

Staying away on Christmas morning wasn't one of my smartest moves admittedly. My mom had taken it pretty hard. Hans didn't speak to me for the remainder of his stay. I didn't think it meant that much to him too. My father didn't say much. He just threatened me that if I didn't go to practice, I would have to start paying rent.

I was almost at that point where I was ready to pay a million dollars just to get out of it. They would be money well-spent according to my mind.

Hans had gone back to college to celebrate New Year's with his friends, my parents had gone back to ignoring each other, and Aunt Susan had gone back to… well, she hadn't really gone anywhere in the first place.

The house was back to normal, and it was now the 27th of December. It was Elsa's birthday tomorrow. Twenty-two years old. Yes, I am dating an older woman. Elsa had clearly stated that she did not – and I repeat – did not want anything for her birthday. And I was going to respect it even though my fingertips were tingling from the urge to buy her a new pair of boots, or a new pair of gloves.

I thought about making her something – like a mix tape. But she didn't have anything to play it on, so again, I guess it would be like shooting yourself in the foot. Maybe some chocolates? I guess that was something.

However, deep down, I knew what Elsa wanted most in this world right now. Elsa's dearest wish for her birthday would be that I said I loved her back. The thought made my stomach tighten.

I couldn't.

Why couldn't I? Why couldn't I just tell her that I loved her?

I couldn't figure out why entirely. You remember I told you how much I hate saying something that I don't really feel, right? Like when I pretended to be embarrassed in front of Elsa, even though I wasn't?

Well… what if it was like that? What if I laid out the big L and it just felt like I was pretending? What if the words felt artificial on my tongue? As if my love was just made of plastic and Elsa's was made of solid metal.

As much as I wanted to give her my heart on her birthday – and trust me, there was nothing in the world I wanted to do more – I wasn't in any position to hand it out. It was too broken for that. I was too broken for that. Imagine if someone gave you a present for your birthday, and it was completely wrecked. Imagine getting a TV with a cracked screen, completely out of order. I couldn't give Elsa a heart that was glued together, and still falling apart.

A thought popped into my mind.

There was one thing I_ could_ do.

I could _show_ her how much I loved her.

* * *

><p>"Wake up Banana-Bear," Aunt Susan whispered and pulled off my comforter.<p>

_Damn that's cold._

I rubbed my eyes and stretched my limps.

"Is it time?" I whispered.

Aunt Susan just nodded and threw her flashlight in the air just to catch it again.

"Alright, just give me a sec," I mumbled as I got out of bed.

Quickly I pulled on the clothes that I had laid out. I'd even laid out my gloves and beanie. Swiftly I pulled on the hat, and snatched the flashlight I'd hidden under my bed.

"Get moving Feisty-Pants, we don't have much time," Aunt Susan rushed.

I suppressed a growl. I tied my shoelaces, and I was ready. Aunt Susan stood in her jeans and leather jacket. She claimed she never got cold. I didn't believe her. But she was a grown woman, and I wasn't going to the one telling her to put a coat on.

"You got the candles?" I asked before we left my room.

"Everything is packed and ready. I've got the shovels in the trunk. The candles and match sticks are in the front seat," my aunt informed.

"Great, let's go," I said.

We tiptoed out of my room and down the stairs. The house was asleep. I flinched as I stepped onto the creaking staircase. We made it out of the house without getting caught. Aunt Susan got into her car, and I started pushing it out of the driveway. Ever tried pushing out a Range Rover in the middle of the night on icy pavement? Let me tell you, not easy.

The streets were deserted, and snow was lightly drizzling down from the sky. I tried heating up my hands on the way there. It was way below freezing. Aunt Susan hummed along to a song on the radio.

"Thanks again for helping me with this Aunt Susan," I said.  
>"No problem Sweet-Pea. I'm sure she'll love it. Plus it was your idea, I'm simply following orders. I told Ofelia by the way," she added.<p>

We reached Elsa and Ofelia's house, but parked a few houses down. I threw the bag of candles and match sticks to Aunt Susan, and picked up the shovels in the trunk.

"What's the time?" I asked.

"11:22. Plenty of time," the brown haired woman uttered. "Not a word when we reach the house, got it?" Aunt Susan said with a mischievous smirk.

"Got it," I agreed.

Aunt Susan could hardly restrain herself from laughing as I slipped in a rather large frozen puddle. I swatted her across the shoulder when I finally got up.

We were in Ofelia and Elsa's front yard. Elsa's window was pitch black. It wasn't just because of the heavy black curtain – I was quite positive the blonde had gone to sleep.

We went to work. Aunt Susan was digging snow while I let my creative mind wander. Half an hour later, we were looking at a huge sign made out of snow saying "Happy Birthday Elsa." We were applying the final touches by placing candles along the outline of the letters. It truly was beautiful if I had to say it myself – even from down here. I wondered how much more amazing it would look from Elsa's window.

"Looks pretty great Feisty-Pants. What did you decide to sing to her?" She asked in a playful whisper.

"I wasn't planning on singing anything," I said half-annoyed. Aunt Susan persisted that it would be absolutely hilarious if I were to get on one knee and sing a serenade to Elsa.

"Sure you are," she whispered, obviously about to crack up.

"I'm not singing."

"Whatever you say Pumpkin," she laughed and winked. "Well, you're on your own. I'll be around back with Ofelia. Good luck!"

And like that, Aunt Susan was gone, swallowed by the darkness of the night. Honestly, I hadn't planned out what I was going to say to Elsa. Maybe I should just stand there and look cute as she pulled her curtain aside. That's exactly what I should do. I waited until the clock stroke twelve. I heard the bells chime a few blocks away. Then I picked one of the tiny stones in my pocket, and threw it at Elsa's window.

Nothing.

Elsa wasn't a heavy sleeper, but I was guessing I hadn't thrown the stone hard enough. I threw another. And then another. I was scared that I might break the glass in my eagerness.

Finally, as the fourth stone hit the glass, a light turned on and broke the darkness. Slowly, Elsa's cute little face peaked out. Her eyes were huge. Her expression could be closely resembled to a deer in headlights. Her petite figure now revealed itself completely as she tore away the curtain. She covered her mouth with of her hands, and I couldn't help but smile at her surprised reaction. I wasn't entirely sure, but from where I stood it looked like her eyes were glistering.

Finally, she opened the window and leaned out just the slightest. She was speechless, and one of her palms still hadn't left her mouth. Elsa was so real as she stood there. I'd never seen a person react more genuine and honest. She was touched, and I could almost tell that her swollen heart was about the leap from her chest.

"Anna…," she said in disbelief.

"Happy Birthday Elsa," I said in response. Not that it wasn't obvious that I was wishing her happy birthday – it was freaking plastered on the ground in massive snow-letters and fire.

Thinking twice about it, it resembled Elsa and I pretty well. We were ice and fire. Practically opposites. Day and night if you like. But never had two things flown so well together. It was scary how easy the two could kill each other, ice and fire I mean. How easy ice could kill a flame, or how easy fire could melt an ice-tap. But together they were still so beautiful.

"Oh Anna…," Elsa sniffled, and I guess I was right when I said that I'd seen her eyes glister before, because now tears were rolling down her cheeks.

I was about to run up to her so I could kiss the tears away, but two loud shrieking noises sounded as I was about to take off. Aunt Susan and Ofelia came running into the front yard, singing at the top of their lungs and spraying confetti everywhere. The two lunatics (whom I just noticed were wearing party hats) surprised Elsa as they continued to sing and dance around the letters on the ground. I couldn't help but smile and observe them in awe. Ofelia danced around me and placed a party hat on top of my head. Now both Aunt Susan and Ofelia were blowing their party horns as they wildly dispersed more confetti around the snow-covered garden. I honestly thought my ears were going to fall off by that eardrum-bursting sound of those godforsaken horns. I had been too in capsuled in Ofelia and Aunt Susan's dance that I hadn't noticed Elsa wasn't standing by her window any longer. I was about to turn around to go inside and look for her, but I ended up running directly into Elsa. She had just thrown on her boots and jacket to come and join us in the bonfire-snow party.

Before I knew it, Elsa had thrown her arms around me, said, "I love you so much," and pulled me in for a kiss. Ofelia and Aunt Susan were cheering now, and continued running around like five-year olds.

Elsa was smiling under my lips, and the smile ensured me that I shouldn't feel bad for not saying 'I love you' back. Elsa knew. She knew how much I loved her. She could just look around her front yard, and she wouldn't have a doubt in her mind how much she was loved. The front yard was packed with nothing _but_ love. Love from her sister. Love from her new sister-in-law. And last but not least, love from her emotionally handicapped girlfriend who couldn't express it any other way than to wake up in the middle of the night to freeze her fingers off in making a huge-ass happy birthday sign out of snow and candles. If that didn't show something, I wasn't sure what did.

Elsa and I stood in each other's embrace for a little moment longer. We snuck in a kiss in between smiles and happy glances at each other.

"Was this all your idea?" Elsa asked in a small but happy voice.

My hands were on her hips, and hers were wrapped around my neck. Our noses were touching, and the tip of hers tickled mine. Our stomachs were pressed together, that's how close we were standing.

"The letters and candles were my idea. But that massive amount of crazy, that was all Ofelia and my aunt I guess," I smiled. That's right. I smiled. It was hard to keep the smile away, and honestly, I didn't even want to try and suppress it.

The entire situation was just too bizarre. Here I was standing in front of this perfect woman – a woman I could call my girlfriend. I mean, three months ago I was as straight as an arrow (or so I'd thought). The fact that I was not only standing in front of the perfect woman (whom I could call mine), I was standing next to my aunt who was standing in front of _her_ perfect woman.

"You're the best birthday present I could've ever dreamed of Anna Lykke," Elsa laughed with joy, and grabbed my collar to pull in for another kiss. If I had known Elsa was going to bombard me with such passionate kisses I would surprise her more often. I wonder how many kisses it would buy me if I rented a plane and wrote her name in the sky. Maybe I should check the prices of that…

The sound of a party-horn next to my ear nearly ripped my poor ear apart, and I broke away from the kiss to cover my ears with my hands. Elsa did the same while she shot her roommate a warning look.

"You guys are so boring," Ofelia laughed. She was a bit out of breath. The two goofballs were finally done dancing their ridiculous birthday-celebration-dance. Aunt Susan walked over and draped an arm over my shoulder, and Ofelia did the same with Elsa. Elsa couldn't help but break into another massive smile as she leaned closer against her friend.

"Come on, let's go inside. I brought hot coco," Aunt Susan suggested and started walking towards the house, dragging me along under her arm.

"I'll start up the fireplace," Ofelia cheered and ran ahead dragging the poor birthday girl after her in one hand. Aunt Susan laughed as the strong, tiny, black-haired woman nearly had Elsa tumble up the few steps and dragged her further into the house.

Aunt Susan let go of me and I corrected my braids, which my aunt apparently had made her mission to mess up. I gave up on them and untangled them, for instead to settle on a messy bun.

"You sure as hell made that girl happy Anna. I'm so proud of you," the brunette said and ruffled my hair once more. I couldn't even get angry with her for making my hair unruly, because that look of pride and joy in her eyes simply made me forget about it. I knew she really meant it. Mostly because Aunt Susan wouldn't say stuff like that if she didn't stand by her words with every fiber of her being, but also because she for once used my real name.

I wanted to tell Aunt Susan how much I loved her. How much I appreciated everything she had done for me. How she had protected me all these years without me even knowing it – I wanted to tell her that she was one of my favorite people in the world. That I couldn't express my gratitude enough for this damn woman, and that I'd probably have to name my first born after her just to show her.

But since I was only a master with words on paper and never in verbal form, I simply grabbed her by the elbow and pulled her in for a crushing hug. She hugged me back immediately.

"Thank you," I mumbled into her hair, and Aunt Susan gave me a tiny squeeze.

"I've got your back Banana-bear," she mumbled back in a joyful tone. I'm sure she would've given me one of her standard Aunt Susan over-self-confident winks if I'd actually been able to look her in the eye. The moment didn't last so long. Well, the matter a fact, it only lasted until Ofelia earsplitting voice roared form inside the house, saying, "get your butts in here you two! We're only waiting to drink the coco to be polite, and honestly, it's usually only Elsa who's this well-mannered, so don't push it!"

Aunt Susan rested an arm over my shoulders as we approached the house. Sure enough, Elsa and Ofelia were sitting in front of the fireplace holding two steamy mugs of hot chocolate. Ofelia was sitting on a madras the two roommates had maneuvered (read: thrown) down the stairs from Elsa's room. The pale woman teasingly took a big gulp of hot chocolate, and spread across the madras so there was absolutely no room for Aunt Susan.

Elsa was sitting in the red lion foot chair, her legs were pulled up underneath her. She was warming her hands on the mug. Her boots were discarded on the floor behind the chair, and she'd taken off her jacket and wrapped herself in a woolen blanket. I wanted to take a picture of her right here and there. I would name it "Elsa in All Her Cuteness" - a collection by Anna Lykke.

As Ofelia would torment my aunt with the lack of holy madras space, Elsa's glimmering eyes would look up at me and she would her place mug down on the floor. Elsa untangled herself from the cocoon of blanket she had herself swathed in, and her feet found the floor. I wanted to protest, because my cold heart could hardly stand Elsa getting up for my sake – I would happily have settled for the floor if only she'd remained as delicately kissable in that chair.

Her socks were a size too big for her, and they hung around her angles. With one tip-toey step towards me, Elsa held up her arms so the blanket looked like bat-wings. She hugged the blanket around me, and pushed me towards the chair. When I was securely placed in the large velvety red chair, Elsa gracefully climbed onto my lap. Her feet would dangle over the armrest, and I would separate my legs just enough for Elsa to sit between them. Her head leaned onto my collarbone, and I pulled my arms around her along with the blanket that was easily big enough to swallow us both.

Elsa let out a relaxed sigh as we had finally settled, and my arms were secure around her. I was worried her feet might get cold, since they were hanging over the armrest and the blanket didn't reach that far. The girl in my lap swiftly raised her head until her lips were dangerously close to my ear.

"You can relax Anna," she whispered gently. "Your muscles are so tense all the time."

I hadn't been aware that all of my muscles were completely contracted, and utterly cramped together. Elsa placed a hand on my cheek, and turned my head down towards her. Ofelia and Aunt Susan was having a private conversation of their own, and hardly paid us any mind.

"You're in complete fight-mode all the time…," she mumbled worriedly. "Give me your hand, and just… breathe." Her voice was so soft and sweet that I could do nothing but oblige.

She started massaging my hand. If we'd been alone she'd with no doubt instructed me to lay on my stomach so that she could give me another of her killer massages again. After a little while, my stomach uncurled itself, comforted by the thought that I couldn't be safer than right here in my lover's arms.

"Look Susan… they're so cute," I heard Ofelia gently mumbled into Aunt Susan's ear. I don't think we were supposed to hear, and I was quite sure Elsa actually didn't. Ofelia was placed between my aunt's legs, leaning her back against her, whereas Aunt Susan would wrap her arms protectively around her lover.

The two were glancing at us, as if they were proud parents looking at each of their children happily in love. I didn't pay they much mind. I was too focused on Elsa. A zombie apocalypse could've broken out, and I wouldn't have noticed. I would happily live a life of obliviousness, if it meant it could be spend within these four walls with Elsa. It's funny how quickly you can become dependent on a single person. But with Elsa as my temporary joy, perhaps I could soon learn to find joy in other things again. Perchance I could even find joy in writing again soon.

The fire was crackling, and the flames tried to lick the top of the chimney. Elsa fell asleep in my arms. Twenty-two years old, but she still slept like a baby in my embrace. I carried her to bed when the fire died out, and Aunt Susan and I made our exit. Ofelia pressed a soft kiss to my aunt's lips upon our leave. She kissed me on the forehead before we headed out the door. I had a bubbly feeling in my stomach.

I tried to convince myself it was the hot chocolate sloshing unsettling around in my stomach, but you and I both know that Elsa had everything to do with every single one of those bubbles.

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><p><strong>AN:** I don't know what to say you guys. Your reviews are just so heart-warming. Thank you :')


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